The Three Ring Binder

this will be my last post before we fly out in the morning. and then i may post a few more once we get to the states with echo. as if i'll have the time.

let me say that all day today i've been singing, 'glory, glory hallelujah' and Neil Diamond's, 'coming to america'. go ahead, sing either one, they are bound to make you happy. catchy aren't they? fitting.

we drove to hong kong today. what we thought was going to take 2 hours took over 3. traffic and going through customs took up some time. we'd held echo off on her second nap so that she would snooze in the van. it worked like a charm. as soon as we got in the van, i hog tied her and she was out. i'm a seasoned mom. i know these tricks.

as she slept, i was able to look out the window and reflect on the last two weeks. the last few months, the last year. i thought back to a three ring binder that i have in my office with all the paperwork in it. paperwork on echo that started over a year ago. that three ring binder holds more information than i even know what to do with. it's overwhelming. but we've gotten through it all. we did it. sure, there is a few more things to finish up once we get back to the states, but overall, it's done. that big huge 3 ring binder. it held so many hopes and promises, fear, uncertainty, at times, it gathered some tears. but now we are done with it. don't worry, it's not like i'm going to burn it. no, it will probably go along with the over-stuffed 3 ring binder that i have for reese and maddox and all the doctor visits we had to go through to conceive them. 3 years worth of infertitilty. as much as i hated those binders, they are reminders of the fight that we went through to get to the family that we have. i love those binders.

i couldn't help but look down at echo as she slept and think, 'look, here is my 3 ring binder. it's now a baby girl.' to have her sleeping on my chest for 2 hours was quite an experience. it was well worth the fight. aren't all children? they are so worth it. no matter what we go through to get them, how hard we fight to keep them, or tough it is to raise them. they are worth it. so worth it. (i'm going to have to remind myself of this in the next few weeks when i'm trying to wrangle my four hoodlums together.)

as i was holding echo, i also had the thought of how much i can't wait to get back to reese, maddox and zane. the loves of my life. i thought about the love that i have for them and suddenly got really scared, 'oh my gosh, can i really love echo as much as i love them? this little new one who is coming into our home? it's all going to be so different.' (those selfish thoughts creep in still) all i could do was pray. God help me to love this one as much as You love her. help me to love her the way You intended for her to be loved. and just like that, i knew He would have that one covered. whew.

our flight lands Saturday, June 11. heath's birthday. what a gift, right?! and, to top it all off, we laughed at the fact that he will get to celebrate his birthday for about 36 hours because of time changes and flight schedules. how about that. the birthday that just won't stop!

several of you have asked what you can be praying for specifically. i appreciate that more than you know. and i know that some of you haven't even asked because you are prayer warriors and you just knock it out without even be asked. this is what's gotten us through. thank you. i don't have anything specific though. i don't even know what to pray for. sure, save travels, uneventful flight, echo to sleep for 19 solid hours....i could pray for all that but i believe God has that already taken care of. i feel like we are in his great big hands. i really do. and i know that when we don't know what to pray for, the holy spirit prays for us. it's somewhere in the bible. those of you who know me, know that i'm a terrible bible quoter. sorry i don't know the verse. but it's in there. this doesn't mean that i don't want any of you to pray, please, by all means, go for it! i really do want to get home safely.

the one prayer that i couldn't help but pray today as i was talking to God in the van is that i will continue to follow, i will continue to listen, even through all the daily ramblings of four children. i couldn't help but ask for some time to get used to this newest member. i told Him i will follow, give me time, prepare my heart and come back to me when You have me ready. and that's all we really can do, is listen and wait.