Somewhere in the Middle

a quick update for those who've been asking:
1-echo's enlarged spleen that had us so concerned in china....does not exist. our pediatrician could not feel a thing.
2-chest x-ray came out fine. she's had a really wet cough that we were concerned about but it seems to be viral, no pneumonia.
3-Six viles of blood came back as normal. i'm not sure what all they checked for, pretty much everything under the sun from what i understand. all normal.
4-infected ears have been flushed twice. they are doing well and we'll have them checked again on thursday. she will also have her tb test this week.
5-we still have the optometrist, dentist and dermatologist. echo is going to have nightmares of the "white people in white coats". poor baby


Today marks kind of a strange time period for us, as a family. it marks a very bitter sweet time period, for a lot of reasons. which one do i start with?

let me start with the fact that i have 5 year old twins now! that's right. those tiny little squirrel looking babies, weighing in at 4 lbs 10 oz and 4 lbs 11 oz are now 5 years old. their birthday was yesterday. i thought that when the big 5 came knocking on our door, i would be really sad. but i'm not. i'm actually really proud. and pleased. they are such sweet and fun little kids. it's cool to see their personalities shine through, now more than ever. i can look back at the way they were as tiny babies and see where it all began and see the direction that they are heading. now, the simple job of keeping them on track. oh, how funny that is. the next 5 years are going to go by so quickly. and the 5 after that? i don't even want to think about it....let's just say that, for now, i'm happy that my only concern is...well, my concerns are small compared to that of a mom with teens. but my time is coming.

the other bitter sweet part of this week is that it marks our 4 week anniversary with echo. 4 weeks! one month?! already? how can that be? she will be 15 months old soon. she is so much a part of our family that it's crazy. she is threaded into our hearts. etched into our minds. the completion of our family. there have been a couple of nights in the last few days that we've all been sitting around the dinner table and i think, "this is it, this just feels right". we are right where we are supposed to be in life. in the course that He is having us to go. it's a good feeling. in those moments, don't you think God looks down on us and is so happy that we are content? that our hearts are resting and happy? i think He loves it. i think He wants for our hearts to feel a lot of things, depending on where we are in life, in our journey, and i think He smiles in the moments that we find the simply pieces of happiness that He offers. i want to stay on His course forever....

over the weekend, we took the kids out to California Pizza Kitchen. they were awesome. all four of them. we are getting used to the looks, the questions, the comments, the smiles of some onlookers who are trying to figure out our situation. anyway, afterwards we took them for ice cream...okay, it was frozen yogurt, but don't tell the kids. we finished up and saw that it was about to start raining. just as we were leaving, literally standing in the door to leave, it started to pour rain. pour. thunder, lightening. i love a good rain. love it. so we stood there, with all four little ones, knowing full well this was not going to go smoothly. and all i could say was, "just GO". we all took off like bullets to get to our car, heath carrying echo, reese and maddox running right behind him and me holding zane's hand. before we could get halfway to the car, zane dropped my hand and hung his head in tears. was he hurt? was he scared? no....behind him i saw a trail of flip flops. he had run right out of them and couldn't leave them behind. all i could do was bust out laughing. we were getting completely drenched and heath and i were howling laughing. once we finally got all 6 of us in the car (we just piled in the back seat, all of us, just crammed in like a bunch of circus nuts.) and we just kept laughing. all of us. even echo was laughing. it was priceless. a summer family memory. we were all together to experience it. what a joy.

my other bitter sweetness is that we are about one month away from moving to london. we've already started the process of meeting up with friends for the "last time" or planning "last dinners". we've done final lists of what pieces of furniture we need, started to make plans for where the kids will attend school. (they were accepted into the school that i talked about, thank goodness!) it's strange to make all these plans, it's starting to feel more real. i'm excited. but i'm scared. i clearly remember quoting scripture from the book of ruth in our wedding. i truly meant the words, it's why i said them, but i had no clue that i would be following my husband to another country to live! and bringing our four children with us!

But Ruth replied, “Don’t urge me to leave you or to turn back
from you. Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay.
Your people will be my people and your God my God. ruth 1:16

i look at where we are right now and it seems that we are somewhere in the middle. a month from the time that we met our final family member and a month away from entering into a different world. for us, it will be a different world. an unknown world. the fear of the unknown....that's all it is, right. the unknown. once we get there and get settled, it won't be so big and scary anymore. don't get me wrong, i'm not scared in a bad way. i'm excited. i get the chance to view the world through the eyes of a child again, sort of. i get to see and do new things. with the people i love the very most. it's a great opportunity. we are going to take it for all it's worth. fear...be gone.

Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them,
for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you."
Deuteronomy 31:6