Deep Thoughts by Mistye Wilson...

we've had echo for one week and one day. how is that possible? have you ever looked at your child and realized that you don't remember life without them? i think about my life at home with my three children and all the daily things that i do....and then i think about my time here in china with echo...and all the daily things we do with her each day. and i think. how is this possible? why do i feel like i'm living a double life? how can i feel this level of happiness? it's like an alternate universe. it's difficult to explain in words. i can't even get it clear in my head so how could i begin to get it right in words.

we're starting to see echo's true personality come out more and more each day. some good and some funny and some.....well, just like all our other children, there will be some learning lessons to teach her along the way. her personality is not at all what i expected, yet everything i could have hoped for. she's headstrong, she's funny, she's crazy at times and she's a bull when she wants to be. she's aggressive. she's silly. she's determined. she knows how to throw a really good temper tantrum. really good. she's super happy unless two things occur - hunger or lack of sleep. and then she becomes a super freak.

i've started to feel comfortable telling her "no" when she acts up or does something that she is not supposed to do. the look on her face is priceless. she hears the word no and looks up like, 'are you actually talking to me?' it's so funny. i know she knows what it means because like any other 14 month old, she tries to test us and see if we really meant it. once she realizes that i tell her 'no' again and again for the same thing, she usually stops. it might sound cruel that i would already begin to tell her no after only a short time but there are some things that are dangerous. standing in her stroller, biting on electical chords, crawling head first off the bed....yes, she has tried all of these. so i have to tell her no. it's my job as a mother to protect her. for those of you who will see me with her in the next month or so, be ready. she is my daughter. don't be shocked when i treat her like all the rest of my little ones.

here is a thought that i had today as i looked in her eyes....remember those deep dark eyes i dreamed about. i get to look into them any time i want. any time. i get to see her. really see her. she's right here with me. and she always will be. so, here is my thought....how is it possible that my daughter was born to another woman on the other side of the world, yet, she's mine. she is my daughter. my girl. if you could see her with us, you would know. she's is ours. it's as if she were created by us, just like our biological children back home. but then i realize the truth. she was not created by us, obviously. she was created for us. and this IS just like our biological children. they were all created for our family. we are a unit.

now, to get her home and to meet her siblings. we have just a few more days and then we begin our journey home. i'm so ready. i'm so ready to see my three other monkeys, to kiss them, to hold them, to breath in their wonderfulness. being with echo and falling more and more in love with her each day makes me miss them more and more. i'm so ready.

and then the next phase will begin. the "new" family. it's like when you bring home an infant for the first time. you are all trying to figure one another out. how do the roles change? zane is now a big brother. my baby boy. a big brother. i can't imagine it. reese and maddox will become even older than they were before. it makes my heart hurt right now to think about it but i know it will all fall into place. one day we will not know life without our family of 6. it will always be the way that it's always been....

my brain hurts. i'm going to bed.