The Waiting Room

there have been a lot of things on our calender that we've waited to get to. as the days go by, we mark off what we've done and where we've been and continue to anticipate where we have left to go and do.....a little recap on the last few days:

heath and i went on a date friday night. an all night date. dinner, laughs, we even attempted a dance club (don't ask) and then a night at my favorite hotel, The W!! just to get away. we'd planned it during our "vacation" at the beach with all of the kids. we knew we needed a night to be together and to enjoy some alone time. it was a fantastic night and i fell, honestly, even more in love with heath than ever before. it's nice to have him on this journey along beside me. and i beside him. we only talked about the kids for the first couple of hours into the date and then it was on to laughter and fun with one another. a night with my love and my very best friend.

last night we went to a little "going away party" from our boot camp instructor friends. whenever i talk about leaving, moving or saying goodbye, it seems very surreal. surely this is not really happening.

today my mom came to pick up the three older kids. she loaded up reese, maddox and zane. all filled with excitement over the fact that "the big kids" were the ones to go to grandma's this time. no babies allowed. echo would be staying here with me. when my mother didn't arrive at exactly lunchtime (which was the time period that i told them she would arrive) Zane started to get really concerned. he was promised a trip to see grandma and granddaddy. he was told it was big kids only. he wanted to make sure that grandma was still going to come get them! when it was time for them to leave, i thought zane would try to drive the car himself. i'm not only excited that they are having a good time but i'm thrilled that they took such pride in their roles of the big kids. little zane is really coming around to the idea of being "big".

and then i have to go back to yesterday. (sorry to bounce around like that.) I found myself in yet another doctor's office yesterday, two actually. one for echo and then another for me later in the day. as i've said before, i've scheduled a ton of appointments to make sure that we are all in working order as our travel plans draw near. i was sitting in the waiting room. i was alone. the other waiting room was so full that the nurse moved me over to the second waiting room. i knew that i needed to make myself comfortable, this could take awhile. luckily, i was truly alone in this room. by that, i mean, i had no kids with me. what? i have time to think? read a book? so i pulled out my book that i've been reading. the book is called The Sacred Echo (thank you susan) and it's fantastic. i've really enjoyed reading it and recommend it to everyone. anyway, i finished the book and just sat there. and sat. and sat. and then i realized how much i feel like i wait for things. i feel like i'm always waiting.

waiting to find the one
waiting to get married
waiting to finish school
waiting to get pregnant
waiting to hear God's call
waiting for the next month
waiting for the next year
waiting for my children to reach the next milestone
waiting to go to sleep
waiting to wake up
waiting for nap time
waiting for test results
waiting for heath to get home from work
waiting to move
waiting to stay
waiting for the next appointment
the next thing, we are always waiting for something. at least i am.

and these things are just little things. some people are waiting for so much more. so much more that is way more serious, life threatening or altering....

i think back to waiting to conceive our twins. i don't like to think back to that time, but it was a waiting game, for sure. and then i think about the pregnancies and waiting to get that baby or babies OUT. then i waited to get them through infancy. whew! those are some tough first few months. i waited for each one to be able to talk to tell me what they wanted instead of pointing and grunting. i waited for each one to walk.

and then the adoption. what a strange and beautiful waiting game THAT turned out to be. sign here, dot there, do this, go there, passport picture here, documentation there.....oh the waiting, hurry up and wait. get to the next part, get through it and wait for something more.

i've had a lot of curious people lately ask 'how long did it take you to adopt'. it's shocking to me that it only took about 14-15 months. shocking. that's not long at all! and i go as far as to tell some people that it really could have only taken 12-13 months but our home study took a couple of months longer than it should have. a home study normally takes about 3 months with our agency, it took us over 5. i was very frustrated at the time. very frustrated. almost to the point of getting upset, calling it quits and finding another agency. seriously, i was not happy. i had to have someone to blame, right? but deep down, i knew God had it all under control. i knew His timing was best. i knew that i needed to lay low and be patient. and so my heart changed and softened to the wait. i would embrace the wait. now, looking back, if our home study had gone through when i thought it should have or wished that it could have, i would not have my echo. i would not have my baby girl. you see, she would not have been on the list yet because of her age. she was really young when we got her file. a couple of months younger would have meant that she was ineligible for adoption or even that her file would not be ready to send out. oh the wait, that sweet blessed wait.

so here i was waiting for the doctor. for an answer. i wanted to hear an answer from this doctor about my body. and don't worry mama and mrs. wilson, everything is fine, let me just get that out there! but i was waiting. and i was uncomfortable waiting, not a lot, just a little. i wanted an answer quickly and i wanted the answer that i wanted to hear. and then it hit me. in this stale white, boring waiting room. life is really like one big waiting room. but that doesn't have to be a bad thing. we all wait. we wait for millions of things all through our life. i realized that since the world is full of waiters and we are all waiting for the next thing, why not be patient. why not enjoy the wait. i decided that i didn't want my waiting room to be this stale white boring old room. i wanted it to be beautiful, pleasant and peaceful. i wanted to embrace the wait. my waiting room is in God's hands. you can think of that in two different ways. one way; it's up to Him to decide what i wait for and how long i wait for it. or you can look at it as me just sitting in God's great big ole hands. just hanging out. relaxing. and letting Him carry me through. that's how i like to think of it. the waiting room. my waiting room is not too shabby. it's kinda nice at times.

so today, after the kids left with my mom, as i waited, in this house that is too big for only echo and myself. i took great happiness in cleaning, in folding laundry. i took great joy in playing with echo, hearing her say "bye bye" over and over again (her only word that she can say with confidence). feeding her, watching her make a major mess in the areas that i'd just cleaned. it was a pleasure to hear her laugh, to bathe her, to hold her down as i towel dried her and then fought her to blow-dry her hair. (i mean, it wasn't all rosy.)

i am in a constant waiting room but i have to take a step back and enjoy what i have that i waited so long for. i want to be a happy waiter. i want to enjoy my waiting room.

"Love is never tired of waiting."1 Corinthians 13:4