One on One

it's been just the two of us for the last 18-20 hours. just me and little echo. the kids went to grandma and granddaddy's and heath has some business in town this week that requires some long hours and business dinners. i've gotten to know little echo on a new level. we've bonded a little deeper. it's been really neat to see her in this setting. the setting of being an only child. i have to admit, she's pretty good at it. not as good as being a little sister of 3 older siblings but she's definitely loving the extra attention, the less crazy mom, the house that she alone can destroy. yes, she is enjoying this time to the fullest. there are things about her that i've learned these last few hours. some things i knew but others are new to me. i've had a lot of time to watch her, no other real distractions. i knew that i loved her but there are things about her that i'm crazy about. just a little list of the things i love:

i love the way you smile with your mouth wide open.
i love how you catch me looking at you and you come running, full sprint to jump in my lap.
i love how, upon waking from sleep, you put your little fingers together to sign more, letting me know you want to eat.
i love your strength. emotional and physical.
i love how you shock the socks off the doctors when they try to hold you down for shots. they have no idea the strength you hold.
i love how you "wear' flip flops on your arms and walk around the house. it's your favorite.
i love how you brush your hair and smile with pride.
i love how you love your daddy just as much as we all do around here. what's not to love?
i love how you look at reese with adoration.
i love how you annoy maddox.
i love how you and zane have become such fast friends. partners in crime, one day, i have no doubt.
i love how you can maneuver you upper lip over your lower one in an attempt to catch a piece of falling food. you have lips that can move like a llama! you don't want a bite to go to waste!
i love how you still aren't sure of our kisses and hugs, they still make you cry at times, but there are a few times, that you seem to enjoy it. you'll come around.
i love that you went from crawling to running in less than two weeks.
i love that you know how to be held now. you wrap those little legs around my hips immediately upon pick up.
i love how you say "bye bye" with that raspy little voice. and you wave those tiny hands.
i love your determination.
i love that you are in our family
i love that you are one of two of my daughters, one of four of my children. i love it.

this one on one time has been so great. grocery shopping with you was actually fun and entertaining. you smiled at other customers and tried to grab their carts. you also recognized some of the packages on the shelves and would sign more. haaha. bedtime is so quiet and relatively simple. i give you a bath and brush your teeth. you get an extra long cleaning with each because i feel like i need to make up for lost time. all the times i lined you up with the others, the "assembly line" as your aunt debbie called it. yes, you've gotten a little extra of everything these last few hours. one on one time is good. and here i thought that the big kids needs some time away, some time off, some fun and adventure. and i still believe that they did. but now i see that you needed the time as well. and maybe i did too.

these days were fun, sweet echo. now let's get ready for the party coming home tomorrow! back to life in the fast lane. you and i know we both love it!


*thanks to Nicole Eliason for the photo!

The Waiting Room

there have been a lot of things on our calender that we've waited to get to. as the days go by, we mark off what we've done and where we've been and continue to anticipate where we have left to go and do.....a little recap on the last few days:

heath and i went on a date friday night. an all night date. dinner, laughs, we even attempted a dance club (don't ask) and then a night at my favorite hotel, The W!! just to get away. we'd planned it during our "vacation" at the beach with all of the kids. we knew we needed a night to be together and to enjoy some alone time. it was a fantastic night and i fell, honestly, even more in love with heath than ever before. it's nice to have him on this journey along beside me. and i beside him. we only talked about the kids for the first couple of hours into the date and then it was on to laughter and fun with one another. a night with my love and my very best friend.

last night we went to a little "going away party" from our boot camp instructor friends. whenever i talk about leaving, moving or saying goodbye, it seems very surreal. surely this is not really happening.

today my mom came to pick up the three older kids. she loaded up reese, maddox and zane. all filled with excitement over the fact that "the big kids" were the ones to go to grandma's this time. no babies allowed. echo would be staying here with me. when my mother didn't arrive at exactly lunchtime (which was the time period that i told them she would arrive) Zane started to get really concerned. he was promised a trip to see grandma and granddaddy. he was told it was big kids only. he wanted to make sure that grandma was still going to come get them! when it was time for them to leave, i thought zane would try to drive the car himself. i'm not only excited that they are having a good time but i'm thrilled that they took such pride in their roles of the big kids. little zane is really coming around to the idea of being "big".

and then i have to go back to yesterday. (sorry to bounce around like that.) I found myself in yet another doctor's office yesterday, two actually. one for echo and then another for me later in the day. as i've said before, i've scheduled a ton of appointments to make sure that we are all in working order as our travel plans draw near. i was sitting in the waiting room. i was alone. the other waiting room was so full that the nurse moved me over to the second waiting room. i knew that i needed to make myself comfortable, this could take awhile. luckily, i was truly alone in this room. by that, i mean, i had no kids with me. what? i have time to think? read a book? so i pulled out my book that i've been reading. the book is called The Sacred Echo (thank you susan) and it's fantastic. i've really enjoyed reading it and recommend it to everyone. anyway, i finished the book and just sat there. and sat. and sat. and then i realized how much i feel like i wait for things. i feel like i'm always waiting.

waiting to find the one
waiting to get married
waiting to finish school
waiting to get pregnant
waiting to hear God's call
waiting for the next month
waiting for the next year
waiting for my children to reach the next milestone
waiting to go to sleep
waiting to wake up
waiting for nap time
waiting for test results
waiting for heath to get home from work
waiting to move
waiting to stay
waiting for the next appointment
the next thing, we are always waiting for something. at least i am.

and these things are just little things. some people are waiting for so much more. so much more that is way more serious, life threatening or altering....

i think back to waiting to conceive our twins. i don't like to think back to that time, but it was a waiting game, for sure. and then i think about the pregnancies and waiting to get that baby or babies OUT. then i waited to get them through infancy. whew! those are some tough first few months. i waited for each one to be able to talk to tell me what they wanted instead of pointing and grunting. i waited for each one to walk.

and then the adoption. what a strange and beautiful waiting game THAT turned out to be. sign here, dot there, do this, go there, passport picture here, documentation there.....oh the waiting, hurry up and wait. get to the next part, get through it and wait for something more.

i've had a lot of curious people lately ask 'how long did it take you to adopt'. it's shocking to me that it only took about 14-15 months. shocking. that's not long at all! and i go as far as to tell some people that it really could have only taken 12-13 months but our home study took a couple of months longer than it should have. a home study normally takes about 3 months with our agency, it took us over 5. i was very frustrated at the time. very frustrated. almost to the point of getting upset, calling it quits and finding another agency. seriously, i was not happy. i had to have someone to blame, right? but deep down, i knew God had it all under control. i knew His timing was best. i knew that i needed to lay low and be patient. and so my heart changed and softened to the wait. i would embrace the wait. now, looking back, if our home study had gone through when i thought it should have or wished that it could have, i would not have my echo. i would not have my baby girl. you see, she would not have been on the list yet because of her age. she was really young when we got her file. a couple of months younger would have meant that she was ineligible for adoption or even that her file would not be ready to send out. oh the wait, that sweet blessed wait.

so here i was waiting for the doctor. for an answer. i wanted to hear an answer from this doctor about my body. and don't worry mama and mrs. wilson, everything is fine, let me just get that out there! but i was waiting. and i was uncomfortable waiting, not a lot, just a little. i wanted an answer quickly and i wanted the answer that i wanted to hear. and then it hit me. in this stale white, boring waiting room. life is really like one big waiting room. but that doesn't have to be a bad thing. we all wait. we wait for millions of things all through our life. i realized that since the world is full of waiters and we are all waiting for the next thing, why not be patient. why not enjoy the wait. i decided that i didn't want my waiting room to be this stale white boring old room. i wanted it to be beautiful, pleasant and peaceful. i wanted to embrace the wait. my waiting room is in God's hands. you can think of that in two different ways. one way; it's up to Him to decide what i wait for and how long i wait for it. or you can look at it as me just sitting in God's great big ole hands. just hanging out. relaxing. and letting Him carry me through. that's how i like to think of it. the waiting room. my waiting room is not too shabby. it's kinda nice at times.

so today, after the kids left with my mom, as i waited, in this house that is too big for only echo and myself. i took great happiness in cleaning, in folding laundry. i took great joy in playing with echo, hearing her say "bye bye" over and over again (her only word that she can say with confidence). feeding her, watching her make a major mess in the areas that i'd just cleaned. it was a pleasure to hear her laugh, to bathe her, to hold her down as i towel dried her and then fought her to blow-dry her hair. (i mean, it wasn't all rosy.)

i am in a constant waiting room but i have to take a step back and enjoy what i have that i waited so long for. i want to be a happy waiter. i want to enjoy my waiting room.

"Love is never tired of waiting."1 Corinthians 13:4

The Present Will Be The Past

i hesitate to write tonight. i'm tired, i'm a bit crabby and the kids were like four wild tornados tonight which didn't help matters. i hesitate. and yet, i write.

today i took all four children to the dentist. we've been going to about twenty doctor appointments a week. between the five of us, the kids and me, we have all kinds of check ups and visits to make in order to get up to where we need to be before we move out of the country. as if the UK doesn't have doctors.....you would think that the way i've scheduled appointments that we are not only moving to a foreign country, but that we are moving off the planet! to a place that has no civilization. we are moving to a CITY for crying out loud. they have doctors. but i trust my US doctors so...to the doctor we must go. they love the dentist. my older three. they couldn't wait. they've talked about it all week. reese has even decided that she wants to be a dentist. i sat with such pride as they lay in the chair, good listeners, ready for what comes next. and then came echo. my little one who has been poked and prodded way too much in the last 6 weeks. 6 weeks. we've been home for 6 weeks. i'll get to that in a moment. once it was echo's turn to be in the chair, she went nuts. it was one more doctor. doing one more invasive thing. she would have nothing to do with it. my other three stood around the chair coaching her, rubbing her, telling her it would be okay. i too, was coaching and rubbing but deep down, i was just tired. so tired.

and that puts me at 6 weeks. we've had echo home now for 6 weeks. the newness has gone. for all of us. she is more of a family member than ever before. she has seen me at my best and she has certainly seen me at my worst. i have seen her at her best. and yes, i believe her worst. she has come into our household at a very crazy time, as if things weren't going to be crazy enough already for her. new family, new home, new language, new culture, the list goes on. and here we are, preparing for this move. boxes everywhere, appointments to make, appointments to keep, phone calls, errands to run, babysitters, friends coming to say "hello", friends coming to say "goodbye", mommy coming in, mommy going out....our door is a revolving door right now. i'm not sure that she understands what "normal" is around here. actually, there is no way that she knows what "normal" is. we haven't been normal all summer.

how could 6 weeks have already gone by? summer just started, right? even as i sit here and type this, i'm more choppy than usual. i can't put it into words. the confusion, the uncertainty, the overwhelming....oh, no! there is that word that i hate....regret.......i regret that i wasn't able to spend more time with each one of my four. i regret that the summer has sped by way too quickly. i regret not getting them into a really cool camp that we all feel the pressure to put them into at far too early of an age. i regret the moments that i was too tired to play with reese and maddox while the two little ones napped and instead turned on a movie so that, i too, could nap....i regret.

i regret not making a great dinner for my family on certain nights. i regret making the great dinner but in the attempt of this great dinner becoming so foul because dinners are SO DIFFICULT to make right now. i feel like i'm putting out fires left and right as tiny little people run all around me...oh the regret.

darned if i do and darned if i don't. that's how i sometimes feel.

i hate that word. regret. what an ugly word. i'm not one to have regrets. i live life and try my best to take it as it comes and do the best that i can. but when it comes to my children, why does that feeling creep in? oh, and guilt comes with it, right? another ugly and terrible word. and horrific feeling.

okay, yes, there is some drama to all of this as i write. and this blog took an ugly turn. but. as i write it, the words and feelings go from my mind and my heart and flow out of my fingertips. and my hope is, that i will let them pour out of my fingertips until they are no longer in me. because i will look back at this one day as just what it is. a crazy time in my life. a beautiful time in my life. a joyous and precious time in my life. i will look back and regret that i let regret creep into my mind. oh, when that day comes. and it will. it will. i already can look back to when my twins were infants. i made myself believe at times that i was a lazy mom because i would nap when they napped.....seriously!? what mother in their right mind WOULDN'T nap when twins napped. how dare i make myself guilty over that one. and yet, i did.

so tonight, i sit here. a little grumpy, extremely tired and feeling that regret. but i'm also going to feel joy. i'm going to feel content. i'm going to feel thankful. i'm going to feel blessed. and i'm going to choose to feel worthy. because i am all of these things as well. i have too much to be grateful for to focus on the negative.

and no, i don't regret putting my children to bed an hour early tonight. and i don't regret that bowl of ice cream.


“…this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before.” Philippines 3:13

Among the Boxes is My MIssion

i attempted "bed time" over an hour ago. bed time for myself, that is. the children have been down for hours now. but for myself, i knew that i needed sleep to get me to early service in the morning and then to begin another day of packing up these boxes. oh, these boxes. just when i felt like the move to london would not actually happen, in came the boxes. they are big, they are overwhelming and they become very awkward to move and carry once fully packed. but here they are. all around me. a constant reminder that the time is coming to move my family to a foreign country.

as i laid down tonight to attempt sleep, i started to pray. and somewhere in my praying, i got a little lost. i knew that i was lost because what had started as a prayer was now a never-ending list of "to-dos". oh no! i'd gone astray! wait! back up! start over! i'm sorry, Lord! (darn-it)

and that's when i told God that i was just stressed. i'm sure He was totally shocked by this. like all the big things that i surprise Him with. actually He was just waiting on me to be honest. so, there it was. the brutal honesty. "i can't think about you Lord, because i'm too busy...." ooooo, what a painful and scary truth to reveal. there it was. the truth.

so i decided to pray for the people that came into my mind. so many friends and family. so many. and there has been a lurking thought and prayer that has been in the back of my mind. the cambodia children. the orphans. many of you know that i have a deep pull towards cambodia. i've gone with two different amazing teams for the last two years. i've met the sweetest, most precious cambodia children ever created. there are three of these children that i kinda like to call my own. Phillib, Vandam, and Nat. precious children. little loves. sweet lights. their faces pierce my memory at night. hurt my head and break my heart. they call me "mommy".

there is a new team leaving on thursday to go back over to battambang, cambodia. i would have been in that group, except for one really big thing. and one really small thing. the really big thing is that we had planned to move to london before this team took off. we should have already been there by now. we've been forced to drag our feet for all sorts of reasons. finding the flat, getting the children into a school, tying up loose ends here in the states...adoption...which leads me to the really small thing that has held me back this year. echo. i remember wrestling with God a year ago. "Lord, if you are truly asking me to take on another child, especially one from another country, how can i still serve You in cambodia". and by "serving" i meant "going"...because there are plenty of ways to serve without being the one to go. i've seen it and felt it as friends and family have supported me financially and prayerfully the years that i've gone. but i wanted to GO. i wanted to DO. why was He taking it away from me? it was a struggle. so i honestly prayed for Him to change my heart. "Lord, if this adoption goes through before the next cambodia trip and i'm unable to go, i need for you to change my heart. i'm going to be crushed if i don't get to go. if i don't get to hold those cambodia children. if i don't get to sing with them, pray with them, play with them. i have unfinished business there...." i prayed that prayer countless times, countless nights.

tonight, as i prayed for all those friends and family. i saw those three little faces of Phillib, Vandam, and little Nat. my mission. my service. so far away. too far away. at least for this year. probably next year. and who can look so far ahead as to all the other years. but. my heart has changed. for now. because i have a mission at home. my mission field is right here with me all the time. they are sleeping upstairs. they call me mommy also. and i'm serving. oh good gravy am i serving! i'm serving from the moment i wake until the blessed time my head hits the pillow at night. no, i'm serving Something much higher. i have an important job to do right now. i have a great calling. mommy.

as i continue to type, i look around at these boxes that need to be packed. they are big, they are overwhelming. but i understand that these boxes are just part of what needs to be done to continue my mission. every big and little thing i do each day is part of that mission. so here i sit, among these boxes.


Return to your rest, O my soul, for the Lord has dealt bountifully with you. Psalm 116:7

Two Ordinary Days. Or Were They?

Today was an unexpected kind of day. even as i write now, i realized that it's too late to begin a blog update. i usually turn into a pumpkin at 10:00 pm, so why do i have this need and desire to write? i will possibly regret this in the morning. i have a really busy day with lots of appointments and a million errands. oh well....

the last two days have been ordinary kind of days but then again, not so ordinary. today was an unexpected kind of day. it was a no day kind of day. heath headed out early for boot camp and work, i awoke to "mommy, i gotta go baffroom!" (my alarm clock is zane's bladder) i was able to steal a few moments with him after his pit stop. we snuggled in his bed for a bit until he told me, "mommy, you can go back to your bed". hmmm, thanks?

breakfast was busy, got out of the house to run an errand and grab a coffee. not sure which one of those is truly what got me to lug 4 children out of the house at 9 am but, whatever. i had things to do. i cleaned like a crazy lady today. i threw out old things, unneeded things, unwanted things, unused things...i just threw out. and then threw out some more. knowing that we leave in a few weeks to another country makes me realize that we will return to this house every once in again and i can't handle clutter. so, organize i must. and all the while, the kids played around me, behind me, beside me, on me, through me, over me. you get the idea. it's funny. at any given moment, i would be organizing or purging and have at least one small child in my lap. at one point, we had appraisers to come over today and walk around our home taking pictures and such. the woman came upstairs where we were. i, trashing toys behind the kids' backs little by little and the lady stops and says, "are all of these children yours"? (there is that question again). she asked another common question, "what are their ages". so i went through it and she just smiled at them, said hello and told me they were all beautiful and went about her work. as she walked out of the room, i just looked at them, my babies. all of my babies. how can they make my heart swell with such love and pride? what a gift to be a mother and be able to look at these little people and know that i get to have a hand in their lives. it's precious. it's priceless. it's the biggest, best and most important gift i could ever be given. so many moments and days go by that i just rush though and try to get to the next moment, the next day. but look. look at what's in front of me.

i have to add that we took the three older kids to see Cars 2 tonight. it was so great to be with them and take them out for a special night. big kids only! no babies allowed! they loved it. they needed it. maybe we needed it too.

yesterday was sunday. i blogged yesterday about our return from vacation but what i failed to tell you was about the joy of that morning. we'd had family to come over the night before for a meet and greet. it was a ton of fun and the children went to bed way later than usual. they were exhausted. fell asleep immediately. it was awesome. anyway, sunday morning, i woke up at 7:20 to an empty bed and hearing echo screaming. it was a scream that i'd not heard from her since i've known her. i rushed upstairs thinking that i would pass heath. surely he was already up, or sleeping on the couch, or maybe even rushing up to go grab her as well. i didn't see him as i rushed up to get her. she was bunched in a corner, knees up under her body and she was screaming from fear. of what i don't know. what does a 15 month old fear? i'm sure she knows a thing or two. i didn't think as i jerked her up and into my arms. mommy is here. mommy is here. it's okay. i'm here. she stopped. looked at me. and there it was, that look. not the relieved look that i thought i would get. no, not this little trooper. she looked right at me as if to say, ummmmm, what's up? why are you up here? i suffer alone. one thing this independent little one needs to learn, is how to depend.

so, i took her and walked over to the glider that i wasn't able to use nearly enough with twins and then baby zane who was a spitter after nursing.....i chose to use a crappy chair with him so that we could toss it after he got old enough. don't ask. so i scooped her up, sat down in that glider, and i rocked. i rocked and i rocked. she laid her head on my chest and she fell fast asleep. i rocked her for 30 more minutes as she slept. it was that feeling that you get when you rock your infant. you aren't rocking for their benefit. they are asleep after-all. you are rocking for your own. i was rocking to soothe myself. and it was wonderful. i could touch her skin and her hair. i could watch her little back go up and down. it's okay. mommy is here. you have nothing to be afraid of, little one.

the rest of the family did not wake until after 9:30. i'm not kidding. my husband, the man i've never known to sleep much past 7 or 8 in the morning, slept until 9:50. God bless that man. he is so tired these days. oh, and as to the whereabouts of his hideout? he was sleeping up in zane's bed. this too is a rare occasion. i don't know what has gotten into us lately. okay, i'll admit, it's hard to tell little zane no when he grabs your face with both hands and says, "sweep wid me, i want to hold you". i'm a sucker for it every time. i guess daddy is too.

we scrambled for the late service at church. when we walked in the door, we realized that we had to register echo! she'd never been to church! it was her first day! heath took the other three and quickly found me and we signed her in together. i walked her in the room and let her feet touch the floor. i just knew this was a mistake. she wouldn't like this, i knew she wouldn't allow me to leave. i braced myself for her to cry and grab me. but she didn't even look back. she just walked right in and straight to the toys. as we walked away, i cried. and i cry now as i write this. it wasn't my typical, 'oh, i'm leaving my baby in the care of someone else' type cry. although i've done that too. this cry was different, i couldn't shake it. i sat down in service and fought back the tears. i didn't want heath to think i was the crazy mom. i couldn't explain it. and then we started to sing the first song...

'blessed be the name of the lord, blessed be thy name, blessed be the name of the lord, blessed be thy name. every blessing you pour out, i'll turn back to praise, when the darkness closes in lord, still i will say, blessed be the name of the lord, blessed be thy name,'

...this was a song that i struggled so much to sing just 6 years ago. a childless mother. desperately wanting a baby. just give me one, God. just give me at least one. i promise to turn it into a praise. i don't know why He gave in, but He did, 4 times over. blessed be His name.

it was my nephew's dedication yesterday. and we missed it. his dedication was held in rome, ga and we just knew we couldn't pull it together to attend. i'm sorry i missed it but in a tiny way, i feel like it was a dedication for echo as well. it was why i couldn't help but cry as i left her in her classroom. it was a cry of joy, reassurance, blessing, closure. i felt like i'd come full circle with God. her first sunday at church. here you go, Lord. you gave her to me, now i give her to You.

and God rocked me for a bit that morning too.....

4 is different than 3.

A week at the beach....it use to sound so blissful. so relaxing. so refreshing. when i said or thought the word beach, other words like, tanning, reading, sleeping, lounging, bikinis, spa trips....those words came to mind. not so much anymore. there are new words now, such as, life guard, drill sargent, overprotective mother, 30+ sunblock, nap times, lack of sleep, swim wear that children can't tear off of me as they claw their way up my body.....yep, times have changed.

this was our first year to go as a family of six. i really felt like adding one more wouldn't be too different. i mean, we already had 3 little ones, what's one more, right? throw her in the mix, let's move on! but no, one more makes a big difference. our car was filled to the gills with kid "stuff". so much so, that heath and i had to leave behind our most cherished piece of luggage for these types of trips. our pillows. yes, we didn't have room for them, actually, we didn't want to make room for them. we wanted to pack as lightly as possible. without even putting a single item in the car, we already were starting with four car seats! yep, four car seats. i've actually been asked by a girl at the starbucks drive-thru if i run a daycare service. she'd seen the inside of my car and assumed. really?....

as soon as we entered the condo, echo decided that she was going to become a full time walker. she walked and walked and walked. it was so funny as we unloaded all of our suitcases to have this fourth little head bobbing around with the others as she walked around with them. it was like she'd been holding it in all this time and it came out as soon as we got to the beach. she felt the freedom of vacation, i guess.

the week went by way too quickly. the kids loved the beach, heath and i were literally pulling children out of the waves, left and right. i seriously felt like i had 40 kids at some moments. my heart was pounding out there and all i could think was, "who trusted me with these kids?" do you ever feel like that? don't you ask yourself, "i have HOW MUCH responsibility now?!" it makes me laugh and cry at the same time.

there is still something that i'm dealing with right now. it's a new thing. i'm starting to see echo as my own. of course. i don't see any differences in her than my others most of the time. or, at least i don't think about it. every once in a while, we'll get asked some questions by curious people, "where did you get your daughter", "where is she from", "is she yours also", "are all of these children yours". one day at the pool, a little 6 year old boy came over and was asking a ton of questions about her. "why did she look different", "is she yours too", "where did you get her", "she has really chubby cheeks".....he was only 6, but i wanted to body slam him. terrible right? i should have seized the moment and told him all about my calling, my love for the Lord, my desires to help a child....but mother bear came out instead. i wanted to claw him. why was he looking at her differently? why was he asking so many questions? couldn't he leave well enough alone? i'm not sure why it bothered me so much, but it did. it cut.

there is a really big part of me that is so proud of her differences, her uniqueness, her own story. but there is another part, deep down in me that wants to protect her and my other children from these questions. i'm going to have to learn to deal with them. i signed up for this, i know that it was my choice. i will face it head on and i'm okay with it but i need to figure out what i need to say to each question. a standard answer? a new and different answer to each question? maybe every once in a while i'll look puzzled and say, what do you mean? they are all just alike. also, i'm starting to see that people ask questions about echo and there are times that they don't say hello to the other three tiny faces staring up at them. these are strangers and, of course, wouldn't understand my other three children and their desire to be seen and heard. but, it's something i've noticed.

there are a lot of things that i will learn from all of this. just like we learn from each of our children on a daily basis. don't you just love the lessons you learn from your children. it's funny, isn't it? the mirrors that they throw up? i've been blinded by those mirrors a times. reese is her mother's daughter and she is usually the first to throw up that mirror. scary.

so now that we are back from vacation, we are trying to pull it all together again. heath and i have sat down with our calendars and lined up this week's events. the days are numbered and we have so much to do. we certainly didn't have time for a beach trip. but we took the time. i would say that we have pictures to look back on the great memories, but, we were seriously so busy that we hardly took time for pictures. i guess we'll have to explain to our children one day that this vacation hit us up side the head like a 2X4 and we couldn't even see straight. it's the truth. the first of many crazy and wild adventures.

i need a vacation.