The End....And So It Begins.....

well. here we are. 2 days away from our flight over. moving day. how did we get here? the day has been slow as molasses and yet, it somehow snuck up on me. i'm going through the motions of saying my goodbyes and having my "last times". you know, like the last time i attend my church here for awhile, the last time we meet with small group, the last time we have a saturday here, the last time i see my friends, the last time i see my family, the last time i eat mexican food (i mean, that's important, right?) the last time i hug my sister.....at least for a little while.

last week i visited my parents. the last time. when it was time to go, i did it in a very quick manner. i didn't want to get too upset in front of the children. less drama, that's what i was thinking. we said our goodbyes, my sister and i hugged just like we always do, as if I would be back again next week. no big deal, right? but as i drove down the driveway, i wanted to turn back around. i wanted a longer hug, i wanted to smell her hair and rub her back. my little sister. i almost did except that i didn't want to put it in the children's heads that this was a sad event. i want for them to be excited, hopeful. they don't understand "bitter-sweet" yet, do they? and i was afraid, if i went back and hugged a little longer, would i want to let go?

twice i wanted to turn the car around and go back. twice i put my foot on the brake to go back. i did not. after more than 30 minutes of driving, almost halfway back to our home, reese asked, "mommy, why are you sad?" it was then that i looked in the rear view mirror and saw my sweet little 5 year old, brown eyed girl, staring at me, dead eye contact and wanting to know the answer to a question that i did not have the words to answer. at least not for her little ears. so in the attempt to answer her, realizing that i'd been crying, i choked, waved my hand over my face and looked back at the highway in silence. when i looked back up at her, she simply pursed her lips in a soft smile as if to say, it's okay, i get it, you don't have to answer. and then she went back to her Leapster.

last night we had our last monday night meeting with our small group. a group of us meet once a week to talk about life, the bible, our relationships, God...it was a night that i had dreaded. i love this group, these people. these friends that have become like family. but it turned out to be somewhat easier than i thought. difficult, but easier. i must admit, i've actually cried a lot less than I thought that i would with all of these goodbyes. i really thought that i would be a sloppy mess through it all. am i in denial? when will it hit me? how hard will it hit?

last night, as usual, i could not sleep. i stayed up until well after 2 a.m. trying to sort through my thoughts. so i began to pray. i thought for just a moment, go ahead, mistye, let it out. cry if you need to. you can't hurt or worry God with your tears. He won't mind. so...i let a tear fall. just one. okay, maybe it was a couple but that was about it. but then, i let the breath out that i'd been holding in, holding back.

and i cried.

really cried.

and i don't even know the exact reason. i just needed to get some out. so that's what i did. i cried until my pillow was wet, which i hate because then, like other times before, i have to find a new spot on the pillow and depending on how wet the pillow has gotten, it might be difficult to find a good, new spot. then i'm just left with a soggy pillow.

so, i sat up from the couch and looked out of our huge window and saw the trees blowing back and forth.

dancing.

swinging and swaying.

dancing.

was a storm coming? why were they swaying so forcefully? you can look at life in many ways, but basically you can look at it positively or negatively. when the wind blows, you can see it as a storm coming or trees dancing.

mine dance.

this has been a busy summer for us. did we have a summer? did it happen? the season is nearing an end, just like this season of our life. we are moving on to a new season, figuratively and literally because once we get to london, it's goodbye tank tops and hello jackets as we go from 100 degree weather to 65/70 degree weather. good bye babies and hello school age children as my three oldest start school all together. goodbye roomie house with back yard and hello flat overlooking concrete. it will be a new season for us all.

we go through these seasons of our lives and as much as it may hurt, or as sad as it may be, we must embrace what is to come. the sweetness of yesterday. the beauty of today. the excitement of tomorrow.

and there is excitement in tomorrow. there always is.

and so, with that said, this blog needs to come to a close. again, bitter sweet. i'm losing another part of me. we've used this blog and filled it with exactly what it was intended for. the meeting, greeting and bringing our baby girl home to her family. we did it. and we kept it going to fill it with memories of echo's growth and bonding with our family this summer. we did it. it is the end of this season. after-all, we are a family of 6, not one. so echowilson.blogspot just doesn't make sense anymore. she is one of 6. and we are about to embark on a great adventure. together. as a family. we are going to close this blog and begin a new one. i have no idea what the name will be yet and i'll post that as soon as i figure it out. i will still keep you updated with echo, of course, but our other three will be charted as well. so, it's not really an end, it's a beginning.



maybe in the next blog, i'll have words like; bugger, chinwag and telly. i mean, i plan on finding some really cool british gals to hang out with. i've told many of you that i plan to go over to Princess Kate's house and borrow an egg for my cooking. she will be living across the street from us, i might as well, right? maybe she will be one of those cool british gals that i hang with. and my children will start to call me "mummy". oh boy! can you imagine little echo? a chinese american with a british accent! we will have a lot of explaining to do!

cheers!!!

Hugs and Kisses

If any of you have ever been around heath and me with our children, i mean, really been around us with our children, you would see how affectionate we are with them. and we even try to hold off on the affection when we are around friends and family simply because...well, simply because. i could eat my children up with a spoon. i think they are yummy. i love every little tiny piece about each one of them. they were wonderfully and miraculously made, after-all. i can see the wonder and miracle in them at any given moment.

as you know, heath and i have been working with echo on her hugs and kisses. now, our approach has been very different. heath has been playful, silly, strong and just throws himself right in there. i do too, but i've been more of a teacher during the day. you would think hugs and kisses come naturally. i use to think that. growing up in a loving a sweet family. hugs and kisses are adored and welcomed. not the case when you spend your first year in an orphanage. so, during my day, you can see/hear me giving her a soft kiss and saying "kiss". or sitting in the floor with her and wrapping my arms around her saying "hug". these are things that babies who are well loved and cared for, automatically begin to do. i've been just waiting for that moment when i get that wide-open mouth kiss that you get from your baby. you know the kind, she comes at you with those sloppy lips and just smother you right smack dab on your own smackers. you almost want to dodge it because you can see the drool coming your way, you feel as though you may drown in this saliva but as she pulls away, you wish that it could have lasted longer. babies are so quick with their kisses. so stingy. they only give them when they want to and when they mean it. i know this, i've been through it three times already with my other children. that quick, sloppy kiss is never enough. they always leave me wanting more. and so, we played (and worked) with echo on these simple things. hugs and kisses.

heath's parents were here over the weekend to have a last visit before the big move to london. it was a great weekend and will go down as one of my most memorable weekends because of one tiny moment. after having lunch on saturday, i was sitting at the table and echo was down walking around. she was in a great mood. just like any random moment, i saw her coming toward me so i bent down in hopes to steal a smooch, knowing full well this would make her squirm or turn running. she was coming right for me. i don't remember if i requested the kiss or if she just laid it on me, but she came over and very clearly, very intentionally kissed me. i have no doubt that she felt love in her heart and wanted to share it with me. what a beautiful moment. our first kiss. then, of course, i immediately requested more! one could never be enough. i could hear heath in the background, "no way, she did not, bring her here"....and like any stingy baby, she was done. as quickly as she'd given her kiss, she walked away. easy come, easy go.

i've gotten another kiss since then, in our dinning room. i was sitting alone with her in the floor and she was playing in front of me, "kiss?" i asked. and she raised up that beautiful little face of hers and gave me a kiss. and continued with her play.....our girl, she's coming around more and more each day.....

tonight at dinner, i was over at my parent's house and we were all sitting around eating. out of absolutely no where, echo leaned over and wrapped her tiny arms around me. i leaned in too and we held our hug....i'm not sure that i would have been certain what she was doing, except that she wanted to do it several times and each time i would say, "hug....thank you", "hug....thank you".....she did this several times, over and over. again, i have no doubt she knew exactly what she was doing. she has learned several signs (eat, more, all done), a couple of words (bye-bye, no) and now this, displays of affection. a hug and a kiss. something so simple and yet, something i have been waiting for. i love you, echo...do you love me? the more i ask this question, the more i can see the answer. yes, the feeling is very mutual.

i guess you could say we are in love.


*thanks, nicole eliason, for the photo!