a quick update for those who've been asking:
1-echo's enlarged spleen that had us so concerned in china....does not exist. our pediatrician could not feel a thing.
2-chest x-ray came out fine. she's had a really wet cough that we were concerned about but it seems to be viral, no pneumonia.
3-Six viles of blood came back as normal. i'm not sure what all they checked for, pretty much everything under the sun from what i understand. all normal.
4-infected ears have been flushed twice. they are doing well and we'll have them checked again on thursday. she will also have her tb test this week.
5-we still have the optometrist, dentist and dermatologist. echo is going to have nightmares of the "white people in white coats". poor baby
Today marks kind of a strange time period for us, as a family. it marks a very bitter sweet time period, for a lot of reasons. which one do i start with?
let me start with the fact that i have 5 year old twins now! that's right. those tiny little squirrel looking babies, weighing in at 4 lbs 10 oz and 4 lbs 11 oz are now 5 years old. their birthday was yesterday. i thought that when the big 5 came knocking on our door, i would be really sad. but i'm not. i'm actually really proud. and pleased. they are such sweet and fun little kids. it's cool to see their personalities shine through, now more than ever. i can look back at the way they were as tiny babies and see where it all began and see the direction that they are heading. now, the simple job of keeping them on track. oh, how funny that is. the next 5 years are going to go by so quickly. and the 5 after that? i don't even want to think about it....let's just say that, for now, i'm happy that my only concern is...well, my concerns are small compared to that of a mom with teens. but my time is coming.
the other bitter sweet part of this week is that it marks our 4 week anniversary with echo. 4 weeks! one month?! already? how can that be? she will be 15 months old soon. she is so much a part of our family that it's crazy. she is threaded into our hearts. etched into our minds. the completion of our family. there have been a couple of nights in the last few days that we've all been sitting around the dinner table and i think, "this is it, this just feels right". we are right where we are supposed to be in life. in the course that He is having us to go. it's a good feeling. in those moments, don't you think God looks down on us and is so happy that we are content? that our hearts are resting and happy? i think He loves it. i think He wants for our hearts to feel a lot of things, depending on where we are in life, in our journey, and i think He smiles in the moments that we find the simply pieces of happiness that He offers. i want to stay on His course forever....
over the weekend, we took the kids out to California Pizza Kitchen. they were awesome. all four of them. we are getting used to the looks, the questions, the comments, the smiles of some onlookers who are trying to figure out our situation. anyway, afterwards we took them for ice cream...okay, it was frozen yogurt, but don't tell the kids. we finished up and saw that it was about to start raining. just as we were leaving, literally standing in the door to leave, it started to pour rain. pour. thunder, lightening. i love a good rain. love it. so we stood there, with all four little ones, knowing full well this was not going to go smoothly. and all i could say was, "just GO". we all took off like bullets to get to our car, heath carrying echo, reese and maddox running right behind him and me holding zane's hand. before we could get halfway to the car, zane dropped my hand and hung his head in tears. was he hurt? was he scared? no....behind him i saw a trail of flip flops. he had run right out of them and couldn't leave them behind. all i could do was bust out laughing. we were getting completely drenched and heath and i were howling laughing. once we finally got all 6 of us in the car (we just piled in the back seat, all of us, just crammed in like a bunch of circus nuts.) and we just kept laughing. all of us. even echo was laughing. it was priceless. a summer family memory. we were all together to experience it. what a joy.
my other bitter sweetness is that we are about one month away from moving to london. we've already started the process of meeting up with friends for the "last time" or planning "last dinners". we've done final lists of what pieces of furniture we need, started to make plans for where the kids will attend school. (they were accepted into the school that i talked about, thank goodness!) it's strange to make all these plans, it's starting to feel more real. i'm excited. but i'm scared. i clearly remember quoting scripture from the book of ruth in our wedding. i truly meant the words, it's why i said them, but i had no clue that i would be following my husband to another country to live! and bringing our four children with us!
But Ruth replied, “Don’t urge me to leave you or to turn back
from you. Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay.
Your people will be my people and your God my God. ruth 1:16
i look at where we are right now and it seems that we are somewhere in the middle. a month from the time that we met our final family member and a month away from entering into a different world. for us, it will be a different world. an unknown world. the fear of the unknown....that's all it is, right. the unknown. once we get there and get settled, it won't be so big and scary anymore. don't get me wrong, i'm not scared in a bad way. i'm excited. i get the chance to view the world through the eyes of a child again, sort of. i get to see and do new things. with the people i love the very most. it's a great opportunity. we are going to take it for all it's worth. fear...be gone.
Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them,
for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you."
Deuteronomy 31:6
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
The Sparrow
heath flew out to london yesterday evening. he took reese and maddox with him. this time his trip does not include suits and ties, meetings or business deals. instead, he is there for one reason alone. an interview. and not for himself. for two barely 5 year old kids. it's silly, i know. it's a trip that we've scheduled to do a few times and had to cancel for other reasons but had to be done regardless. so, last night as they pulled out of the driveway, i stood with my not so new daughter and my very sad and not so understanding 3 year old. zane just couldn't understand why his older brother and sister were able to go on a plane, on a trip to london, without him. i tried to console him by loading him in the car and getting chicken nuggets and ice cream. it seemed to take his mind off of the situation jut a bit.
last night, i couldn't get over how quiet the house felt without the other two. i didn't hear "mommy, mommy, mom, mama, mommy" every other second. i had a chance to think a bit more for myself and not nearly as many questions to answer. it was weird to be in the house with two now and not four. i had time to hear zane. he has a lot to say, i realized tonight that he knows his letters, not all of them, but some. how did i miss that? how did i not know? i also realized how big his vocabulary has gotten. not freakishly big, it's normal for a three year old, but i've not noticed.
i was able to read to echo and zane last night. both of them in my lap. sharing the space nicely, almost lovingly. every once in a while, i would notice one trying to take up more space than was needed. both so territorial of their mother.
when it was finally bedtime, i realized that this was the night that i was going to try to put echo in her actual crib. not the pack in play that she's been use to for the last week. she would no longer be in the small space in the bathroom next to our bedroom. yes, it's true. i brought our daughter home from an orphanage and placed her in a guest bathroom. if you haven't already put your child in a closet or bathroom for sleeping purposes, i highly recommend it. i'm not one of those moms who does well sleeping in the same room with my child. i attempted the "same bedroom" sleeping arrangement the first night we brought her home and regretted it as soon as i got into bed. i can hear every movement, every breath, every whimper. it's too much for me. so, i resort to placing her in a small confined area. it works for me.
after this realization, i gathered all of her sleeping items, placed them in her crib, which is located in reese's room for a short period of time...it's like we are playing musical rooms around this house. zane and i showed her the bed, clearly much nicer than the pack n play. we sang to her and placed her in with all of the freshness a nice, clean bed could offer. and she screamed. she freaked out. i don't blame her. this is one new thing all over again. oh why didn't i think to put her in the crib in the first place...
later, i was able to tuck zane in quietly. don't you just love tucking your children in bed. i mean, the times that it's nice. half the time, there is complete chaos while we are trying to get them into bed. but on the nights when it's easy and enjoyable...don't you just love it? they are so sweet. so tired. i wanted to melt into zane. i wanted to lay with him and feel his warmth and softness. after one more potty trip and one more glass of water, he settled into bed.
as i sat downstairs, i was able to let my mind rest, my heart slowed and the calmness set in. ahhhhhhh, this is when mothers can punch their time card. check out....sort of. i always anticipate "i gotta go potty" shouted from above, either one of my 5 year olds coming out to say, "i love you" one more time and now a baby girl to cry out. but none of that happened this night.
as the night came to a close for me, i went up to do a final check. we do this every night. i'm sure many of you do too. i go up to look at them, cover them, smell them and heath always will find their lovie and place it in their hands. i've even sat at their side for awhile and just listened to them breathe. the pure miracle that each one of them is. i stood over zane for an extra long time. aren't children so beautiful when they sleep? they are so still. so peaceful. i pulled the covers up over him, found his lovie and put it in his hands and while i looked at him, it made me realize the loss of the other two. my two baby birds flying in a plane at this very moment. the house was too quiet. too empty. my chest was so heavy. and then i remembered the little one in the room down the hall. her fist night in a big, pepto bismal pink room. that's enough to scare anyone. so i ducked out of zane's room and walked what seemed like a really long way down a dark and lonely hallway. i passed maddox's room where reese and he are usually sleeping together. i stood in the doorway for a bit and then moved on to echo.
when i opened her door and saw her small little body, i had a thought pass over me. had i not checked on her the nights before? why did this feel like the first time? what was the difference here? i crept over to her bed and watched her chest move up and down. it dawned on me that heath has been the main one to check on her at night. i've been so tired, so sick, so mindless, that i've not been "into" the whole nighttime check for her. why? wasn't this the little one that i prayed for each night? wasn't i ripped to pieces knowing that she didn't have her mommy to tuck her in each night? to check on her and keep her warm. there were nights that i cried to be the one to say goodnight to her and tuck her in.
and then, without thinking anymore, i reached for her soft pink blanket. and i covered her. i covered her with love, with prayer, with thanksgiving. i'm your mommy. i get to tuck you in to bed tonight. i am able to have the final check. you are safe with me. i found her lovie and put it in her little hands.
"even the sparrow has found a home, and the swallow a nest for herself,
where she may have her young - a place near your alter, O Lord Almighty,
my King and my God." -psalm 84:3
last night, i couldn't get over how quiet the house felt without the other two. i didn't hear "mommy, mommy, mom, mama, mommy" every other second. i had a chance to think a bit more for myself and not nearly as many questions to answer. it was weird to be in the house with two now and not four. i had time to hear zane. he has a lot to say, i realized tonight that he knows his letters, not all of them, but some. how did i miss that? how did i not know? i also realized how big his vocabulary has gotten. not freakishly big, it's normal for a three year old, but i've not noticed.
i was able to read to echo and zane last night. both of them in my lap. sharing the space nicely, almost lovingly. every once in a while, i would notice one trying to take up more space than was needed. both so territorial of their mother.
when it was finally bedtime, i realized that this was the night that i was going to try to put echo in her actual crib. not the pack in play that she's been use to for the last week. she would no longer be in the small space in the bathroom next to our bedroom. yes, it's true. i brought our daughter home from an orphanage and placed her in a guest bathroom. if you haven't already put your child in a closet or bathroom for sleeping purposes, i highly recommend it. i'm not one of those moms who does well sleeping in the same room with my child. i attempted the "same bedroom" sleeping arrangement the first night we brought her home and regretted it as soon as i got into bed. i can hear every movement, every breath, every whimper. it's too much for me. so, i resort to placing her in a small confined area. it works for me.
after this realization, i gathered all of her sleeping items, placed them in her crib, which is located in reese's room for a short period of time...it's like we are playing musical rooms around this house. zane and i showed her the bed, clearly much nicer than the pack n play. we sang to her and placed her in with all of the freshness a nice, clean bed could offer. and she screamed. she freaked out. i don't blame her. this is one new thing all over again. oh why didn't i think to put her in the crib in the first place...
later, i was able to tuck zane in quietly. don't you just love tucking your children in bed. i mean, the times that it's nice. half the time, there is complete chaos while we are trying to get them into bed. but on the nights when it's easy and enjoyable...don't you just love it? they are so sweet. so tired. i wanted to melt into zane. i wanted to lay with him and feel his warmth and softness. after one more potty trip and one more glass of water, he settled into bed.
as i sat downstairs, i was able to let my mind rest, my heart slowed and the calmness set in. ahhhhhhh, this is when mothers can punch their time card. check out....sort of. i always anticipate "i gotta go potty" shouted from above, either one of my 5 year olds coming out to say, "i love you" one more time and now a baby girl to cry out. but none of that happened this night.
as the night came to a close for me, i went up to do a final check. we do this every night. i'm sure many of you do too. i go up to look at them, cover them, smell them and heath always will find their lovie and place it in their hands. i've even sat at their side for awhile and just listened to them breathe. the pure miracle that each one of them is. i stood over zane for an extra long time. aren't children so beautiful when they sleep? they are so still. so peaceful. i pulled the covers up over him, found his lovie and put it in his hands and while i looked at him, it made me realize the loss of the other two. my two baby birds flying in a plane at this very moment. the house was too quiet. too empty. my chest was so heavy. and then i remembered the little one in the room down the hall. her fist night in a big, pepto bismal pink room. that's enough to scare anyone. so i ducked out of zane's room and walked what seemed like a really long way down a dark and lonely hallway. i passed maddox's room where reese and he are usually sleeping together. i stood in the doorway for a bit and then moved on to echo.
when i opened her door and saw her small little body, i had a thought pass over me. had i not checked on her the nights before? why did this feel like the first time? what was the difference here? i crept over to her bed and watched her chest move up and down. it dawned on me that heath has been the main one to check on her at night. i've been so tired, so sick, so mindless, that i've not been "into" the whole nighttime check for her. why? wasn't this the little one that i prayed for each night? wasn't i ripped to pieces knowing that she didn't have her mommy to tuck her in each night? to check on her and keep her warm. there were nights that i cried to be the one to say goodnight to her and tuck her in.
and then, without thinking anymore, i reached for her soft pink blanket. and i covered her. i covered her with love, with prayer, with thanksgiving. i'm your mommy. i get to tuck you in to bed tonight. i am able to have the final check. you are safe with me. i found her lovie and put it in her little hands.
"even the sparrow has found a home, and the swallow a nest for herself,
where she may have her young - a place near your alter, O Lord Almighty,
my King and my God." -psalm 84:3
Saturday, June 18, 2011
One Week Already?
there are several reasons why i have not updated the blog this week. i can't even begin to explain the emotions i've been through from the moment our flight ended until now. it's been exactly one week since we brought echo home. exactly one week since we reunited with our our children and our family and friends....one week. so why does it feel like such a haze? shouldn't i be feeling normal at this point? why is my head so cloudy? maybe it's the antibiotic i'm on from the sinus infection i got over the last week, maybe it's the jet lag, maybe is keeping up with 8 legs moving around me, 8 hands reaching for me, 8 eyes watching me, begging for my attention. maybe it's the fact that there is so much to take in that i can't focus on one thing right now. it's dizzying.
let me try to back up. the flight home from tokyo was great, echo took a nap, ate dinner, played and went to bed. she slept for 8 hours. awesome. luckily, with all heath's frequent flyer miles, we had first class so the seat laid all the way back and i was able to sleep a bit also. at one point, echo was literally wrapped around my head. it was hysterical. love that crazy little girl. we landed, went through customs in record timing and met up with the best crowd of friends and family that we could have asked for. we were greeted with smiles, hugs, gifts, congrats, welcome home signs. one friend even brought us sweet tea and a latte. yep, all we could have asked for! afterwards our family came to our house and we all had burritos. ahhhhhh, Willy's, how i love thee, let me count the ways....
monday, heath stayed home from work, we went and did passport stuff for echo. we have to get her passport expedited. for those of you who don't know, we are moving to london in the very near future. heath has an office over there and we've found a flat. we were waiting to get our girl and then we could finalize the move. it's a crazy life right now. this was the first day out with all four of the kids and it really seemed pretty normal. normal. don't make me laugh.
tuesday, the kids had a doctor's appointment. 5 year check up and shots with reese and maddox, 3 year check up and shots for zane, ear check for echo. echo's ears are completely blocked with wax so they had to do a flush. let me tell you, there was a lot of crying that day between the 5 of us. mainly echo and me. having to hold each one down as they were shot, scraped, poked and flushed...mentally, physically, emotionally exhausting. what a way to start my first day back without heath, right. in with a bang!
wednesday is when i couldn't even swallow because my throat hurt so bad. i forget what all happened that day. pain.
thursday i went to the doctor for myself to learn that i had a sinus infection and then took echo back for a second check up at her pediatrician's. we were able to meet up with the pediatrician that has helped us all along. she is a family friend through the wilson's and has known them for years. she has treated me like family all the way through this. she was the one we emailed and called until 2 am the night we received echo's file back in january. it was really amazing to see her face as she entered the room and saw echo face to face. our eyes welled up with tears. she had helped us make one of the biggest decisions of our lives. my gratitude is endless for this doctor, this friend.
friday....what was friday? i had a dear friend come to visit, my children stayed in their pajamas all day, we had heath's brother and family over that evening for a bit and then we crashed. hard. actually, every night we've crashed hard. really hard.
even as i type now, i'm just brain dead. and my head still aches. i can't pull it together and get myself out of this sinus pressure.
many of you have asked if it's more difficult now with four, or having echo home, or having her adjust....the answer is yes and no. it was already really busy and very chaotic at times, now i just have an extra little one in the mix. another little mouth to feed, another little one to hold and kiss boo boos away. i have another set of schedules to follow, another child who naps, diapers to change, another child to chase. difficult? yes and no. and she has adjusted beautifully, effortlessly, amazingly. she was meant to be in a family our size. she adores her siblings, laughs at them, with them, for them, to them. they adore her too. it was all meant to be this way. i think i'm surprised at how uneventful it's all been. she just slid right into our family. under the radar almost. it's weird. hard to explain.
for those of you who've seen us together, you know. it's nothing amazing to see, it's normal. she does her thing and we do ours. she is a regular little part of our family. after only a week of being here in the states. i love it.
to our friends and family who have helped to support us, feed us, sent gifts, sent love, sent prayers, made phone calls, emails, letters, cards....to those of you who wanted to call or write or email but wanted to give us space...to kerri and mike who organized dinners and gave up your saturday to host a welcome home party, to the people who've written that i don't even know who you are and to the random lady at Yogli Mogli, when i thought you were giving me a look of pitty with my four children. i thought you saw me as a haggard mom. i thought you were going to say something cross to me, when really all you wanted to say was "you have a very beautiful family, God bless you"......thank you. thank you for pulling me through this week. it's been as easy as it's been because of you. i mean that. i really do. you carried me through this week. you allowed me to be less stressed and more sane. thank you.
we are home.
let me try to back up. the flight home from tokyo was great, echo took a nap, ate dinner, played and went to bed. she slept for 8 hours. awesome. luckily, with all heath's frequent flyer miles, we had first class so the seat laid all the way back and i was able to sleep a bit also. at one point, echo was literally wrapped around my head. it was hysterical. love that crazy little girl. we landed, went through customs in record timing and met up with the best crowd of friends and family that we could have asked for. we were greeted with smiles, hugs, gifts, congrats, welcome home signs. one friend even brought us sweet tea and a latte. yep, all we could have asked for! afterwards our family came to our house and we all had burritos. ahhhhhh, Willy's, how i love thee, let me count the ways....
monday, heath stayed home from work, we went and did passport stuff for echo. we have to get her passport expedited. for those of you who don't know, we are moving to london in the very near future. heath has an office over there and we've found a flat. we were waiting to get our girl and then we could finalize the move. it's a crazy life right now. this was the first day out with all four of the kids and it really seemed pretty normal. normal. don't make me laugh.
tuesday, the kids had a doctor's appointment. 5 year check up and shots with reese and maddox, 3 year check up and shots for zane, ear check for echo. echo's ears are completely blocked with wax so they had to do a flush. let me tell you, there was a lot of crying that day between the 5 of us. mainly echo and me. having to hold each one down as they were shot, scraped, poked and flushed...mentally, physically, emotionally exhausting. what a way to start my first day back without heath, right. in with a bang!
wednesday is when i couldn't even swallow because my throat hurt so bad. i forget what all happened that day. pain.
thursday i went to the doctor for myself to learn that i had a sinus infection and then took echo back for a second check up at her pediatrician's. we were able to meet up with the pediatrician that has helped us all along. she is a family friend through the wilson's and has known them for years. she has treated me like family all the way through this. she was the one we emailed and called until 2 am the night we received echo's file back in january. it was really amazing to see her face as she entered the room and saw echo face to face. our eyes welled up with tears. she had helped us make one of the biggest decisions of our lives. my gratitude is endless for this doctor, this friend.
friday....what was friday? i had a dear friend come to visit, my children stayed in their pajamas all day, we had heath's brother and family over that evening for a bit and then we crashed. hard. actually, every night we've crashed hard. really hard.
even as i type now, i'm just brain dead. and my head still aches. i can't pull it together and get myself out of this sinus pressure.
many of you have asked if it's more difficult now with four, or having echo home, or having her adjust....the answer is yes and no. it was already really busy and very chaotic at times, now i just have an extra little one in the mix. another little mouth to feed, another little one to hold and kiss boo boos away. i have another set of schedules to follow, another child who naps, diapers to change, another child to chase. difficult? yes and no. and she has adjusted beautifully, effortlessly, amazingly. she was meant to be in a family our size. she adores her siblings, laughs at them, with them, for them, to them. they adore her too. it was all meant to be this way. i think i'm surprised at how uneventful it's all been. she just slid right into our family. under the radar almost. it's weird. hard to explain.
for those of you who've seen us together, you know. it's nothing amazing to see, it's normal. she does her thing and we do ours. she is a regular little part of our family. after only a week of being here in the states. i love it.
to our friends and family who have helped to support us, feed us, sent gifts, sent love, sent prayers, made phone calls, emails, letters, cards....to those of you who wanted to call or write or email but wanted to give us space...to kerri and mike who organized dinners and gave up your saturday to host a welcome home party, to the people who've written that i don't even know who you are and to the random lady at Yogli Mogli, when i thought you were giving me a look of pitty with my four children. i thought you saw me as a haggard mom. i thought you were going to say something cross to me, when really all you wanted to say was "you have a very beautiful family, God bless you"......thank you. thank you for pulling me through this week. it's been as easy as it's been because of you. i mean that. i really do. you carried me through this week. you allowed me to be less stressed and more sane. thank you.
we are home.
Friday, June 10, 2011
In Tokyo... Reflecting
So I sit here in the same Delta SkyClub where I pondered our new life 14 days ago. Things are quite a bit different. Before, there was anticipation. Now, there is realization. Reality has definitely set in that we have another child. Perhaps it was the 3.5 hour flight to Tokyo where Echo was passed back and forth between us countless times? She was restless! I don't blame her, a 5 am wake time is not easy. Perhaps it is because Mistye just changed a diaper. Perhaps it is because Echo is swiping at my hands and ripping my laptop onto the floor as I try to type this. afdencuneoujjjjjjjjjjjjd;jsdfljaf;oiend. That was Echo. Perhaps it's because I thought about this moment the last time I was in the Delta lounge... what would it feel like to be one flight from home instead of one flight from our little girl?
It feels good. Reality is great. I am happy. We are happy. Echo is happy. I suspect Reese, Maddox and Zane will be very happy to see us. Our friends, our family and others who have followed this journey are happy for us. Happy is good. Now, if we can just keep Echo subdued for another 13 hours on the flight home, we'll all be happy.
See you guys soon.
It feels good. Reality is great. I am happy. We are happy. Echo is happy. I suspect Reese, Maddox and Zane will be very happy to see us. Our friends, our family and others who have followed this journey are happy for us. Happy is good. Now, if we can just keep Echo subdued for another 13 hours on the flight home, we'll all be happy.
See you guys soon.
The Three Ring Binder
this will be my last post before we fly out in the morning. and then i may post a few more once we get to the states with echo. as if i'll have the time.
let me say that all day today i've been singing, 'glory, glory hallelujah' and Neil Diamond's, 'coming to america'. go ahead, sing either one, they are bound to make you happy. catchy aren't they? fitting.
we drove to hong kong today. what we thought was going to take 2 hours took over 3. traffic and going through customs took up some time. we'd held echo off on her second nap so that she would snooze in the van. it worked like a charm. as soon as we got in the van, i hog tied her and she was out. i'm a seasoned mom. i know these tricks.
as she slept, i was able to look out the window and reflect on the last two weeks. the last few months, the last year. i thought back to a three ring binder that i have in my office with all the paperwork in it. paperwork on echo that started over a year ago. that three ring binder holds more information than i even know what to do with. it's overwhelming. but we've gotten through it all. we did it. sure, there is a few more things to finish up once we get back to the states, but overall, it's done. that big huge 3 ring binder. it held so many hopes and promises, fear, uncertainty, at times, it gathered some tears. but now we are done with it. don't worry, it's not like i'm going to burn it. no, it will probably go along with the over-stuffed 3 ring binder that i have for reese and maddox and all the doctor visits we had to go through to conceive them. 3 years worth of infertitilty. as much as i hated those binders, they are reminders of the fight that we went through to get to the family that we have. i love those binders.
i couldn't help but look down at echo as she slept and think, 'look, here is my 3 ring binder. it's now a baby girl.' to have her sleeping on my chest for 2 hours was quite an experience. it was well worth the fight. aren't all children? they are so worth it. no matter what we go through to get them, how hard we fight to keep them, or tough it is to raise them. they are worth it. so worth it. (i'm going to have to remind myself of this in the next few weeks when i'm trying to wrangle my four hoodlums together.)
as i was holding echo, i also had the thought of how much i can't wait to get back to reese, maddox and zane. the loves of my life. i thought about the love that i have for them and suddenly got really scared, 'oh my gosh, can i really love echo as much as i love them? this little new one who is coming into our home? it's all going to be so different.' (those selfish thoughts creep in still) all i could do was pray. God help me to love this one as much as You love her. help me to love her the way You intended for her to be loved. and just like that, i knew He would have that one covered. whew.
our flight lands Saturday, June 11. heath's birthday. what a gift, right?! and, to top it all off, we laughed at the fact that he will get to celebrate his birthday for about 36 hours because of time changes and flight schedules. how about that. the birthday that just won't stop!
several of you have asked what you can be praying for specifically. i appreciate that more than you know. and i know that some of you haven't even asked because you are prayer warriors and you just knock it out without even be asked. this is what's gotten us through. thank you. i don't have anything specific though. i don't even know what to pray for. sure, save travels, uneventful flight, echo to sleep for 19 solid hours....i could pray for all that but i believe God has that already taken care of. i feel like we are in his great big hands. i really do. and i know that when we don't know what to pray for, the holy spirit prays for us. it's somewhere in the bible. those of you who know me, know that i'm a terrible bible quoter. sorry i don't know the verse. but it's in there. this doesn't mean that i don't want any of you to pray, please, by all means, go for it! i really do want to get home safely.
the one prayer that i couldn't help but pray today as i was talking to God in the van is that i will continue to follow, i will continue to listen, even through all the daily ramblings of four children. i couldn't help but ask for some time to get used to this newest member. i told Him i will follow, give me time, prepare my heart and come back to me when You have me ready. and that's all we really can do, is listen and wait.
let me say that all day today i've been singing, 'glory, glory hallelujah' and Neil Diamond's, 'coming to america'. go ahead, sing either one, they are bound to make you happy. catchy aren't they? fitting.
we drove to hong kong today. what we thought was going to take 2 hours took over 3. traffic and going through customs took up some time. we'd held echo off on her second nap so that she would snooze in the van. it worked like a charm. as soon as we got in the van, i hog tied her and she was out. i'm a seasoned mom. i know these tricks.
as she slept, i was able to look out the window and reflect on the last two weeks. the last few months, the last year. i thought back to a three ring binder that i have in my office with all the paperwork in it. paperwork on echo that started over a year ago. that three ring binder holds more information than i even know what to do with. it's overwhelming. but we've gotten through it all. we did it. sure, there is a few more things to finish up once we get back to the states, but overall, it's done. that big huge 3 ring binder. it held so many hopes and promises, fear, uncertainty, at times, it gathered some tears. but now we are done with it. don't worry, it's not like i'm going to burn it. no, it will probably go along with the over-stuffed 3 ring binder that i have for reese and maddox and all the doctor visits we had to go through to conceive them. 3 years worth of infertitilty. as much as i hated those binders, they are reminders of the fight that we went through to get to the family that we have. i love those binders.
i couldn't help but look down at echo as she slept and think, 'look, here is my 3 ring binder. it's now a baby girl.' to have her sleeping on my chest for 2 hours was quite an experience. it was well worth the fight. aren't all children? they are so worth it. no matter what we go through to get them, how hard we fight to keep them, or tough it is to raise them. they are worth it. so worth it. (i'm going to have to remind myself of this in the next few weeks when i'm trying to wrangle my four hoodlums together.)
as i was holding echo, i also had the thought of how much i can't wait to get back to reese, maddox and zane. the loves of my life. i thought about the love that i have for them and suddenly got really scared, 'oh my gosh, can i really love echo as much as i love them? this little new one who is coming into our home? it's all going to be so different.' (those selfish thoughts creep in still) all i could do was pray. God help me to love this one as much as You love her. help me to love her the way You intended for her to be loved. and just like that, i knew He would have that one covered. whew.
our flight lands Saturday, June 11. heath's birthday. what a gift, right?! and, to top it all off, we laughed at the fact that he will get to celebrate his birthday for about 36 hours because of time changes and flight schedules. how about that. the birthday that just won't stop!
several of you have asked what you can be praying for specifically. i appreciate that more than you know. and i know that some of you haven't even asked because you are prayer warriors and you just knock it out without even be asked. this is what's gotten us through. thank you. i don't have anything specific though. i don't even know what to pray for. sure, save travels, uneventful flight, echo to sleep for 19 solid hours....i could pray for all that but i believe God has that already taken care of. i feel like we are in his great big hands. i really do. and i know that when we don't know what to pray for, the holy spirit prays for us. it's somewhere in the bible. those of you who know me, know that i'm a terrible bible quoter. sorry i don't know the verse. but it's in there. this doesn't mean that i don't want any of you to pray, please, by all means, go for it! i really do want to get home safely.
the one prayer that i couldn't help but pray today as i was talking to God in the van is that i will continue to follow, i will continue to listen, even through all the daily ramblings of four children. i couldn't help but ask for some time to get used to this newest member. i told Him i will follow, give me time, prepare my heart and come back to me when You have me ready. and that's all we really can do, is listen and wait.
Thursday, June 9, 2011
Who Wrote This?
it's our last night in guangzhou and then we drive by van to hong kong tomorrow. we'll stay there for one night and catch a flight back to the states. today we had the long awaited consolate appointment. i have to admit, i got a little teary when we all stood and took our oath. it was really cool. she is ours. all ours.
heath and i decided to jot down a few of our favorite things/moments from the last two weeks. it's been quite a journey.
.........
After a few seconds of silence, I decided to take over (you should be able to tell by the use of proper capital letters). Anyway, we have funny moments, but they won't be that funny to you guys. We have frustrating moments, but they don't seem as frustrating looking back. We have issues with the food here, but who are we to complain.
The fact is, this journey has been magical. We have been blessed with another sweet daughter. How can you top that right? BUT... we are ready to get home. So, on that note, here are the top 10 things we're looking forward to when we get home. Number...
10. Having a Willy's burrito and queso
9. Our Tempurpedic mattress (the mattress here is so hard that I find myself flexing by butt muscles if I lay on my back. seriously, I have to sleep on my side)
8. Ice cold drinks. Luke warm Coke just doesn't taste like Coke.
7. Not having to do the conversion from dollars to yuan. Even though I know 100 yuan is only $15, it still freaks me out spending a hundred of anything.
6. From Mistye... not having my hair look like a poofball from the humidity. i can only slick my hair back for so many days and then it's just wrong. although, the headbands have been so tight, it could actually be used at botox.
5. American cable TV. We've watched reruns of Dirty Jobs, the Dog Whisperer and every other Discovery Channel and NatGeo show. I did get to see the French Open finals with Chinese commentators. Mistye laughed because I turned up the volume.
4. Getting on the same timezone as friends and family.
3. Not risking our lives by playing frogger everytime we cross the street. Pedestrians definitely do not have the right of way.
2. Seeing Reese, Maddox and Zane in person instead of Skype. I'm nervous that we might squeeze the life out of them.
1. Introducing sweet Echo to our friends and family.
i'll finish up this blog. yep, no more capitals. guess who has the computer? you know that heath and i have either a) become so close that we are now thinking as one person therefore we blog simultaneously or b) spent so long in our hotel room and in a foreign country together that we can't think clearly and have to rely on one another to finish our thoughts. either way, we've been joined at the hip for two solid weeks. i'm a quality time girl, so i've truly loved every second but heath may fling himself out the 16th floor window at any given minute.
heath and i decided to jot down a few of our favorite things/moments from the last two weeks. it's been quite a journey.
.........
After a few seconds of silence, I decided to take over (you should be able to tell by the use of proper capital letters). Anyway, we have funny moments, but they won't be that funny to you guys. We have frustrating moments, but they don't seem as frustrating looking back. We have issues with the food here, but who are we to complain.
The fact is, this journey has been magical. We have been blessed with another sweet daughter. How can you top that right? BUT... we are ready to get home. So, on that note, here are the top 10 things we're looking forward to when we get home. Number...
10. Having a Willy's burrito and queso
9. Our Tempurpedic mattress (the mattress here is so hard that I find myself flexing by butt muscles if I lay on my back. seriously, I have to sleep on my side)
8. Ice cold drinks. Luke warm Coke just doesn't taste like Coke.
7. Not having to do the conversion from dollars to yuan. Even though I know 100 yuan is only $15, it still freaks me out spending a hundred of anything.
6. From Mistye... not having my hair look like a poofball from the humidity. i can only slick my hair back for so many days and then it's just wrong. although, the headbands have been so tight, it could actually be used at botox.
5. American cable TV. We've watched reruns of Dirty Jobs, the Dog Whisperer and every other Discovery Channel and NatGeo show. I did get to see the French Open finals with Chinese commentators. Mistye laughed because I turned up the volume.
4. Getting on the same timezone as friends and family.
3. Not risking our lives by playing frogger everytime we cross the street. Pedestrians definitely do not have the right of way.
2. Seeing Reese, Maddox and Zane in person instead of Skype. I'm nervous that we might squeeze the life out of them.
1. Introducing sweet Echo to our friends and family.
i'll finish up this blog. yep, no more capitals. guess who has the computer? you know that heath and i have either a) become so close that we are now thinking as one person therefore we blog simultaneously or b) spent so long in our hotel room and in a foreign country together that we can't think clearly and have to rely on one another to finish our thoughts. either way, we've been joined at the hip for two solid weeks. i'm a quality time girl, so i've truly loved every second but heath may fling himself out the 16th floor window at any given minute.
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
rainbows, butterflies and pink sugar coated gum drops
it's 2:30 am over here and i'm having a tough time sleeping. i'm not sure why, my thoughts are busy and my stomach is sour. i'm not sure if those two are related in any way but that's what's going on. my mind keeps going back to dinner earlier when several of us where talking about all the other blogs that we've followed or come across. some of us have our own blogs now, some don't. i'm the first to admit that i love a good blog, especially one that has to do with adoption. i've been a blog stalker before too. i become very invested in some and feel like they are family. it's silly, i know, but i've done it.
one of the comments struck me as being so true, blogs are sometimes tough to read because the writer gets to paint a really pretty picture, the writer gets to portray a life that is all about rainbows, butterflies and pink sugar coated gum drops. it's true isn't it? i get to tell you all about the great things that happen here and I can choose to leave out any negative. but the truth is, i've been sad, angry, scared, lonely, sickly, foul....i've been all of those and more but i've chosen to let you in on the good stuff, not the bad.
i want to look back on this experience and remember all of the best parts, all the good stuff because really it's all been good for the most part.
here is another topic that strikes me as a tough one. some people feel called to do all sorts of things. like adopt. and others don't. some feel called to go into the mission field, some don't. some have positions in the church and most of us don't. some people recycle. you get the idea. we are sometimes made to feel that we are not doing "really great things" if we don't do any or all of these things. and that's a really bad lie. each one of us have a potential to do really great things each day. they can be really little things to us but we have no idea the impact that it can have on an individual. my point is this, whatever it is that you do during your day, try to do it as joyfully as you can. and i know this is easier said than done. ask any one of my family members if i'm joyful all the time....wrong! i'm not always the best i can be but i try to stay on track as best as i can. some days are better than others....
i can't go without saying that i believe in a Creator. i believe that this Creator made me in the image of Him. i believe that He loves me madly and powerfully. so madly and powerfully that He sent down His own son to live and die in my place so that i could be saved. i really believe that. so, if i feel called to adopt, called to go into the mission field or called to just love others, no matter how big or how small, it's because He loved me first. the fact that He sacraficed His own son for me, when i couldn't even prick my own child's finger for another person, gives me the motivation that i need to be the best that He created me to be.
but don't let this fool you. i still get angry, and lonely. i fear the worst sometimes, i say and think things that are all sorts of wrong. my life is not rainbows, butterflies and pink sugar coated gum drops. it's not. but i choose to focus on the best parts and i choose to continue to listen when i feel called to do something for the One who did everything for me.
"for God so loved the world that He gave His only son, that whoever believes in Him will not die, but have eternal life." john 3:16
i left my bible at home....yea, i'm still kicking myself for that one but the verse above is one that i've known since childhood. and it's really the best one of all...even though i also love "jesus cried" from the bible. it reminds me of how real he really was. is.
okay, back to my fitful sleeping. for those of you who know me, i'm writing this on the floor of my hotel room. yep, in the pitch black dark. yes, i'm afraid of germs and bugs at this moment, not because it's a bad hotel room but because i'm always afraid of germs and bugs. but i really felt like i needed to get this blog out. i've purged. word vomit. now i feel better.
one of the comments struck me as being so true, blogs are sometimes tough to read because the writer gets to paint a really pretty picture, the writer gets to portray a life that is all about rainbows, butterflies and pink sugar coated gum drops. it's true isn't it? i get to tell you all about the great things that happen here and I can choose to leave out any negative. but the truth is, i've been sad, angry, scared, lonely, sickly, foul....i've been all of those and more but i've chosen to let you in on the good stuff, not the bad.
i want to look back on this experience and remember all of the best parts, all the good stuff because really it's all been good for the most part.
here is another topic that strikes me as a tough one. some people feel called to do all sorts of things. like adopt. and others don't. some feel called to go into the mission field, some don't. some have positions in the church and most of us don't. some people recycle. you get the idea. we are sometimes made to feel that we are not doing "really great things" if we don't do any or all of these things. and that's a really bad lie. each one of us have a potential to do really great things each day. they can be really little things to us but we have no idea the impact that it can have on an individual. my point is this, whatever it is that you do during your day, try to do it as joyfully as you can. and i know this is easier said than done. ask any one of my family members if i'm joyful all the time....wrong! i'm not always the best i can be but i try to stay on track as best as i can. some days are better than others....
i can't go without saying that i believe in a Creator. i believe that this Creator made me in the image of Him. i believe that He loves me madly and powerfully. so madly and powerfully that He sent down His own son to live and die in my place so that i could be saved. i really believe that. so, if i feel called to adopt, called to go into the mission field or called to just love others, no matter how big or how small, it's because He loved me first. the fact that He sacraficed His own son for me, when i couldn't even prick my own child's finger for another person, gives me the motivation that i need to be the best that He created me to be.
but don't let this fool you. i still get angry, and lonely. i fear the worst sometimes, i say and think things that are all sorts of wrong. my life is not rainbows, butterflies and pink sugar coated gum drops. it's not. but i choose to focus on the best parts and i choose to continue to listen when i feel called to do something for the One who did everything for me.
"for God so loved the world that He gave His only son, that whoever believes in Him will not die, but have eternal life." john 3:16
i left my bible at home....yea, i'm still kicking myself for that one but the verse above is one that i've known since childhood. and it's really the best one of all...even though i also love "jesus cried" from the bible. it reminds me of how real he really was. is.
okay, back to my fitful sleeping. for those of you who know me, i'm writing this on the floor of my hotel room. yep, in the pitch black dark. yes, i'm afraid of germs and bugs at this moment, not because it's a bad hotel room but because i'm always afraid of germs and bugs. but i really felt like i needed to get this blog out. i've purged. word vomit. now i feel better.
To Our Monkeys at Home
Reese, Maddox and Zane,
we were just able to skype with you and are now smiling from ear to ear. you three are the happiest little monkeys we know! thank you for being so cool and understanding throughout this process. for a couple of 5 year olds and a 3 year old, you are amazing. thank you for being so interested in echo. it was the first thing you asked about when we saw you tonight. i love how you already express so much interest in her. thank you for having an open heart. if it weren't for our love for you and the way that you love us, we may never have been fully open to echo.
we are going to be home soon. i know you've had a great time with camilla and grandma and granddaddy. i'm sure you've had some really fun adventures without us. i'm happy that you guys are so happy. it reminds me once again that we are doing the right thing for our family.
i can't wait to see you, hug you and kiss you. i can't wait to play with you and hold you and tuck you into bed. life will be back to normal before you know it and i'll be running around like the crazy mom you've always known. i'll be yelling and putting you in time out just like old times! i'll probably be even more crazy because now we'll have a toddler in our home.
you guys are awesome. i love you. we love you. get ready for our arrival. get ready for "back to normal". muhahaahahah. yes, back to normal. our new normal. get ready!
we were just able to skype with you and are now smiling from ear to ear. you three are the happiest little monkeys we know! thank you for being so cool and understanding throughout this process. for a couple of 5 year olds and a 3 year old, you are amazing. thank you for being so interested in echo. it was the first thing you asked about when we saw you tonight. i love how you already express so much interest in her. thank you for having an open heart. if it weren't for our love for you and the way that you love us, we may never have been fully open to echo.
we are going to be home soon. i know you've had a great time with camilla and grandma and granddaddy. i'm sure you've had some really fun adventures without us. i'm happy that you guys are so happy. it reminds me once again that we are doing the right thing for our family.
i can't wait to see you, hug you and kiss you. i can't wait to play with you and hold you and tuck you into bed. life will be back to normal before you know it and i'll be running around like the crazy mom you've always known. i'll be yelling and putting you in time out just like old times! i'll probably be even more crazy because now we'll have a toddler in our home.
you guys are awesome. i love you. we love you. get ready for our arrival. get ready for "back to normal". muhahaahahah. yes, back to normal. our new normal. get ready!
Bull in a China Shop
yes, that's our girl. would you expect anything different? like i talked about yesterday, she is so busy. we hog tie her, we strap her in, we try to keep her at bay but she can't be contained. this little girl needs an outlet. i'm looking forward to getting her home to see if our three other children will wear her down. she plays hard, she eats hard, she sleeps hard. that's our girl. our little bull in this big ole china shop. we can't help but laugh about it. i love that she feels free enough to express herself but oh my.....
today we went to the president's memorial. it was interesting to hear about chinese history and walk around with our travel guide. we then went and did a little more shopping. echo napped through most of this which was really nice. it gave us a chance to walk around and enjoy some things.
we've practiced a lot more on the walking. echo is determined to walk. determined. she has even tried to run a couple of times. isn't there a rule about running before you walk?! if there is not, there should be. we have to keep a close eye on her because she will stand up on her own and just GO! bull...china...shop....
we took her today across the street to a really nice mall. it was bright, beautiful, air conditioned.....she loved it. she was still and silent. she loved all the lights, all the bright colors, the cashiers talking to her. she loved it all. it was the calmest and quietest she's been. she wanted to see it all. take it all in at once. heath found a couple of really cute dresses for her and she tried them on. she really enjoyed trying clothes on. it was too funny. we just laughed at how much she enjoyed being the center of attention. oh boy! has no one told her about our other three children back home? haahah. she is so NOT an only child! but right now she thinks she is!
we had dinner with a big group of families tonight. we all went to an irish pub that serves more "americanized" food. there was a mom who had her 9 month old. she'd waited 5 years for her healthy baby girl. there was fin, echo's friend, who've we've been sight seeing with this week and become good friends with, there was the couple from knoxville with their son and then the couple from wisconsin who adopted their 5 year old little girl. all the stories are different. all are the same. it was a great night together. the couple from knoxville leave tomorrow and we almost cried. we laughed because we really don't know one another but we are forever tied together. we will forever have a bond. we are a part of one another's stories. it's really interesting how total strangers can feel such a sweet connection. maybe we should stretch ourselves out of our comfort zones more often so that we can humble ourselves to a place where we can connect with others. just a thought.
tomorrow we have our long awaited consulate appointment! we get sworn in and it's a really big deal. i can't wait! after that, we are pretty much done. then it's a matter of getting this little one on a plane and back to the states! we are going to take our little bull out of china.
today we went to the president's memorial. it was interesting to hear about chinese history and walk around with our travel guide. we then went and did a little more shopping. echo napped through most of this which was really nice. it gave us a chance to walk around and enjoy some things.
we've practiced a lot more on the walking. echo is determined to walk. determined. she has even tried to run a couple of times. isn't there a rule about running before you walk?! if there is not, there should be. we have to keep a close eye on her because she will stand up on her own and just GO! bull...china...shop....
we took her today across the street to a really nice mall. it was bright, beautiful, air conditioned.....she loved it. she was still and silent. she loved all the lights, all the bright colors, the cashiers talking to her. she loved it all. it was the calmest and quietest she's been. she wanted to see it all. take it all in at once. heath found a couple of really cute dresses for her and she tried them on. she really enjoyed trying clothes on. it was too funny. we just laughed at how much she enjoyed being the center of attention. oh boy! has no one told her about our other three children back home? haahah. she is so NOT an only child! but right now she thinks she is!
we had dinner with a big group of families tonight. we all went to an irish pub that serves more "americanized" food. there was a mom who had her 9 month old. she'd waited 5 years for her healthy baby girl. there was fin, echo's friend, who've we've been sight seeing with this week and become good friends with, there was the couple from knoxville with their son and then the couple from wisconsin who adopted their 5 year old little girl. all the stories are different. all are the same. it was a great night together. the couple from knoxville leave tomorrow and we almost cried. we laughed because we really don't know one another but we are forever tied together. we will forever have a bond. we are a part of one another's stories. it's really interesting how total strangers can feel such a sweet connection. maybe we should stretch ourselves out of our comfort zones more often so that we can humble ourselves to a place where we can connect with others. just a thought.
tomorrow we have our long awaited consulate appointment! we get sworn in and it's a really big deal. i can't wait! after that, we are pretty much done. then it's a matter of getting this little one on a plane and back to the states! we are going to take our little bull out of china.
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
Deep Thoughts by Mistye Wilson...
we've had echo for one week and one day. how is that possible? have you ever looked at your child and realized that you don't remember life without them? i think about my life at home with my three children and all the daily things that i do....and then i think about my time here in china with echo...and all the daily things we do with her each day. and i think. how is this possible? why do i feel like i'm living a double life? how can i feel this level of happiness? it's like an alternate universe. it's difficult to explain in words. i can't even get it clear in my head so how could i begin to get it right in words.
we're starting to see echo's true personality come out more and more each day. some good and some funny and some.....well, just like all our other children, there will be some learning lessons to teach her along the way. her personality is not at all what i expected, yet everything i could have hoped for. she's headstrong, she's funny, she's crazy at times and she's a bull when she wants to be. she's aggressive. she's silly. she's determined. she knows how to throw a really good temper tantrum. really good. she's super happy unless two things occur - hunger or lack of sleep. and then she becomes a super freak.
i've started to feel comfortable telling her "no" when she acts up or does something that she is not supposed to do. the look on her face is priceless. she hears the word no and looks up like, 'are you actually talking to me?' it's so funny. i know she knows what it means because like any other 14 month old, she tries to test us and see if we really meant it. once she realizes that i tell her 'no' again and again for the same thing, she usually stops. it might sound cruel that i would already begin to tell her no after only a short time but there are some things that are dangerous. standing in her stroller, biting on electical chords, crawling head first off the bed....yes, she has tried all of these. so i have to tell her no. it's my job as a mother to protect her. for those of you who will see me with her in the next month or so, be ready. she is my daughter. don't be shocked when i treat her like all the rest of my little ones.
here is a thought that i had today as i looked in her eyes....remember those deep dark eyes i dreamed about. i get to look into them any time i want. any time. i get to see her. really see her. she's right here with me. and she always will be. so, here is my thought....how is it possible that my daughter was born to another woman on the other side of the world, yet, she's mine. she is my daughter. my girl. if you could see her with us, you would know. she's is ours. it's as if she were created by us, just like our biological children back home. but then i realize the truth. she was not created by us, obviously. she was created for us. and this IS just like our biological children. they were all created for our family. we are a unit.
now, to get her home and to meet her siblings. we have just a few more days and then we begin our journey home. i'm so ready. i'm so ready to see my three other monkeys, to kiss them, to hold them, to breath in their wonderfulness. being with echo and falling more and more in love with her each day makes me miss them more and more. i'm so ready.
and then the next phase will begin. the "new" family. it's like when you bring home an infant for the first time. you are all trying to figure one another out. how do the roles change? zane is now a big brother. my baby boy. a big brother. i can't imagine it. reese and maddox will become even older than they were before. it makes my heart hurt right now to think about it but i know it will all fall into place. one day we will not know life without our family of 6. it will always be the way that it's always been....
my brain hurts. i'm going to bed.
we're starting to see echo's true personality come out more and more each day. some good and some funny and some.....well, just like all our other children, there will be some learning lessons to teach her along the way. her personality is not at all what i expected, yet everything i could have hoped for. she's headstrong, she's funny, she's crazy at times and she's a bull when she wants to be. she's aggressive. she's silly. she's determined. she knows how to throw a really good temper tantrum. really good. she's super happy unless two things occur - hunger or lack of sleep. and then she becomes a super freak.
i've started to feel comfortable telling her "no" when she acts up or does something that she is not supposed to do. the look on her face is priceless. she hears the word no and looks up like, 'are you actually talking to me?' it's so funny. i know she knows what it means because like any other 14 month old, she tries to test us and see if we really meant it. once she realizes that i tell her 'no' again and again for the same thing, she usually stops. it might sound cruel that i would already begin to tell her no after only a short time but there are some things that are dangerous. standing in her stroller, biting on electical chords, crawling head first off the bed....yes, she has tried all of these. so i have to tell her no. it's my job as a mother to protect her. for those of you who will see me with her in the next month or so, be ready. she is my daughter. don't be shocked when i treat her like all the rest of my little ones.
here is a thought that i had today as i looked in her eyes....remember those deep dark eyes i dreamed about. i get to look into them any time i want. any time. i get to see her. really see her. she's right here with me. and she always will be. so, here is my thought....how is it possible that my daughter was born to another woman on the other side of the world, yet, she's mine. she is my daughter. my girl. if you could see her with us, you would know. she's is ours. it's as if she were created by us, just like our biological children back home. but then i realize the truth. she was not created by us, obviously. she was created for us. and this IS just like our biological children. they were all created for our family. we are a unit.
now, to get her home and to meet her siblings. we have just a few more days and then we begin our journey home. i'm so ready. i'm so ready to see my three other monkeys, to kiss them, to hold them, to breath in their wonderfulness. being with echo and falling more and more in love with her each day makes me miss them more and more. i'm so ready.
and then the next phase will begin. the "new" family. it's like when you bring home an infant for the first time. you are all trying to figure one another out. how do the roles change? zane is now a big brother. my baby boy. a big brother. i can't imagine it. reese and maddox will become even older than they were before. it makes my heart hurt right now to think about it but i know it will all fall into place. one day we will not know life without our family of 6. it will always be the way that it's always been....
my brain hurts. i'm going to bed.
Sunday, June 5, 2011
Our Medical Visit
the morning started off just great. we got up around 7:30 and gave echo her bottle. she hammered it. then we made a surprise phone call to my parents who are keeping the kids this weekend. we were able to talk to all three briefly. just to hear their voices made my heart feel much better. sometimes the pain of missing them gets to the point that it is literally painful in my heart. seriously, like my heart aches. so to hear each of their little voices and know that they are having a great time makes me feel so much better. i can't wait to see them again and smooch on their faces!
today we went to the island. what island? i'm not sure. it's not far from here and it is where the adoptive families use to stay, the white swan hotel is located on this island. anyway, we had our doctor's visit there on the island. i've been praying for no "surprises" from echo, even though I know that there may be more things involved than just her hemangioma. so we went in and had her checked, the nurse said she was strong and my first thought was, 'no joke, sister, you should try to carry this one around while she is turning in 5 million directions to take in all the scenery'! echo really is strong. if i'd known her brute strength earlier, i might not have worried about her well-being so much there in the orphanage. let me tell you, this girl can hold her own. i love it. so after the nurse checked her ears, throat and maybe her eyes...i don't know, it was a really quick check....the dr. came in to check her. he measured the place on her arm and pressed around on it. he spoke very lovingly to her. i was really pleased with this dr. he was super sweet and really seemed to care. he was very good to her. then he asked for us to take off her shoes (her NEW chinese squeeky shoes! they are so so cute!) and her diaper. she layed pretty still while he poked around on her belly and then i heard him make a 'hmmm' sound....uh, what was that? was that a hmmm sound that i heard from your throat? do you know that i'm here!? do you know that i don't want any surprises? do you know that i'm her mother? please don't 'hmmmm' in front of me unless you are ready to spill it mister! so then he wrote something down. don't you hate it when doctors do that, they make a noise and then they write something down......so, anyway, he told us that she seems to have an enlarged spleen. what that is or what that means, he did not explain or go into detail. all i could think was, oh no, this is a surprise!!!!! no surprises, no surprises, no surprises! the doctor said that we could have it checked out more once we got to the states. really....thanks. i will say, that he was a really nice doctor and i think if there had been any concern, he would have said so. i'm not trying to make it sound like he didn't do a good job, because he did. he really did. i just wanted more. or less. i wanted less of the surprise. make sense?
he then weighed and measured her. 25.4 lbs and i forget how long he said she was. i was so busy thinking about "enlarged spleens" that I couldn't quite focus. i whispered to heath afterwards that we'd have to google it when we got back to the hotel. his quick response was, no we don't. let's just wait, she's fine. you know, it's the moments when i'm about to blow up that heath just has a way of calming me. just putting all back in place. the whole world could be in complete chaos, and i wouldn't know it because he keeps me centered. God certainly knew what He was doing when he created that man. He made him just for me. i have no doubt.
enough of the mush. so then we went back to the hotel. heath took echo back to our room to nap, she'd fallen asleep in our "hog tying" devise, aka the baby carrier. when ever she needs to nap and we are out and about, i strap her in, she fights it until she can fight no more and then she falls asleep. it's awesome. i then went to a room with rebecca and another adoptive mom to do some paperwork. i came back about an hour later and echo was still passed out asleep on heath. love it.
we had a late lunch at subway, yes, we were not quite so adventurous with food this afternoon. sometimes you just have to go with what you know. we tried a second nap for echo but she was not having it. she was actually pretty tough today for a few hours. her favorite thing to do right now is practice her walking so we did a lot of that today to keep happy and keep her busy. she loves going back and forth from the two of us. she laughs so hard. it's intoxicating. her laugh. her smile.
tonight we met up with some new friends who we met from knoxville. small world, right?! once we were seated, we saw the other couple that we'd mentioned before, the little people couple and their new daughter. we asked them to sit with us and we all just had a great dinner of stories and fun. it was so great to enjoy some time togeher and the kids seemed to enjoy it also.
so here we are winding down after another day in china. as much as i don't want to think about what the doctor said, it still creeps back into my thoughts. sneaks in when i least expect it. my heart starts to beat a little quicker and my breath gets a little short. enlarged spleen. it sounds so ugly. spleen. what a gross word, even a healthy spleen still sounds gross. this is something in her body that i can't see. it's something that i don't understand. i keep thinking the worst, spleens can rupture, right?! and then i just talk myself down. whisper up a little prayer and wait to feel the peace. i'll wait to feel the peace. it's there, i just have to reach out and take it for my own.
okay, there is a little girl over here who wants to practice her walking skills. i'm going to go be her mommy.
today we went to the island. what island? i'm not sure. it's not far from here and it is where the adoptive families use to stay, the white swan hotel is located on this island. anyway, we had our doctor's visit there on the island. i've been praying for no "surprises" from echo, even though I know that there may be more things involved than just her hemangioma. so we went in and had her checked, the nurse said she was strong and my first thought was, 'no joke, sister, you should try to carry this one around while she is turning in 5 million directions to take in all the scenery'! echo really is strong. if i'd known her brute strength earlier, i might not have worried about her well-being so much there in the orphanage. let me tell you, this girl can hold her own. i love it. so after the nurse checked her ears, throat and maybe her eyes...i don't know, it was a really quick check....the dr. came in to check her. he measured the place on her arm and pressed around on it. he spoke very lovingly to her. i was really pleased with this dr. he was super sweet and really seemed to care. he was very good to her. then he asked for us to take off her shoes (her NEW chinese squeeky shoes! they are so so cute!) and her diaper. she layed pretty still while he poked around on her belly and then i heard him make a 'hmmm' sound....uh, what was that? was that a hmmm sound that i heard from your throat? do you know that i'm here!? do you know that i don't want any surprises? do you know that i'm her mother? please don't 'hmmmm' in front of me unless you are ready to spill it mister! so then he wrote something down. don't you hate it when doctors do that, they make a noise and then they write something down......so, anyway, he told us that she seems to have an enlarged spleen. what that is or what that means, he did not explain or go into detail. all i could think was, oh no, this is a surprise!!!!! no surprises, no surprises, no surprises! the doctor said that we could have it checked out more once we got to the states. really....thanks. i will say, that he was a really nice doctor and i think if there had been any concern, he would have said so. i'm not trying to make it sound like he didn't do a good job, because he did. he really did. i just wanted more. or less. i wanted less of the surprise. make sense?
he then weighed and measured her. 25.4 lbs and i forget how long he said she was. i was so busy thinking about "enlarged spleens" that I couldn't quite focus. i whispered to heath afterwards that we'd have to google it when we got back to the hotel. his quick response was, no we don't. let's just wait, she's fine. you know, it's the moments when i'm about to blow up that heath just has a way of calming me. just putting all back in place. the whole world could be in complete chaos, and i wouldn't know it because he keeps me centered. God certainly knew what He was doing when he created that man. He made him just for me. i have no doubt.
enough of the mush. so then we went back to the hotel. heath took echo back to our room to nap, she'd fallen asleep in our "hog tying" devise, aka the baby carrier. when ever she needs to nap and we are out and about, i strap her in, she fights it until she can fight no more and then she falls asleep. it's awesome. i then went to a room with rebecca and another adoptive mom to do some paperwork. i came back about an hour later and echo was still passed out asleep on heath. love it.
we had a late lunch at subway, yes, we were not quite so adventurous with food this afternoon. sometimes you just have to go with what you know. we tried a second nap for echo but she was not having it. she was actually pretty tough today for a few hours. her favorite thing to do right now is practice her walking so we did a lot of that today to keep happy and keep her busy. she loves going back and forth from the two of us. she laughs so hard. it's intoxicating. her laugh. her smile.
tonight we met up with some new friends who we met from knoxville. small world, right?! once we were seated, we saw the other couple that we'd mentioned before, the little people couple and their new daughter. we asked them to sit with us and we all just had a great dinner of stories and fun. it was so great to enjoy some time togeher and the kids seemed to enjoy it also.
so here we are winding down after another day in china. as much as i don't want to think about what the doctor said, it still creeps back into my thoughts. sneaks in when i least expect it. my heart starts to beat a little quicker and my breath gets a little short. enlarged spleen. it sounds so ugly. spleen. what a gross word, even a healthy spleen still sounds gross. this is something in her body that i can't see. it's something that i don't understand. i keep thinking the worst, spleens can rupture, right?! and then i just talk myself down. whisper up a little prayer and wait to feel the peace. i'll wait to feel the peace. it's there, i just have to reach out and take it for my own.
okay, there is a little girl over here who wants to practice her walking skills. i'm going to go be her mommy.
Shopping, Cruise and The Question
Echo slept until 8am this morning. We had to wake her up. Incredible. We had a quick breakfast and then headed out shopping... again. I thought we were going to an outside market, but it was a pretty basic mall. Mistye found a few things. It was hot. Even indoors.
We came back and I redeemed my lunch mistake yesterday by bringing back some delicious pizza. It was fantastic. Echo took a nap, Mistye took a nap and I started working on today's blog entry. We had to be ready by 5:40 to go on the Pearl River Cruise.
The cruise was interesting. It was a buffet cruise and I love buffets. I hope you sense my sarcasm. Anyway, the food wasn't that bad. The cruise was, you guessed it, hot again but what can you do. We saw cool buildings up and down the river, took several pictures. It was fun. We are back down and unwinding. Worn out, but it was nice to have a busy day to help pass the time. Tomorrow is Monday already, so we're more than halfway home.
Echo was pretty good today, but man she is a busy child. Baby "boot camp" as Mistye calls it will go into effect as soon as we are back in the states. Honestly, she is fantastic.
Changing the subject...
Since we announced our intent to adopt over a year ago, a single question has been posed over and over. And now that we are in China, the same question has surfaced during every converation. There are several versions of the question, but it basically boils down to one word - WHY? Why did you guys decide to adopt?
I've heard Mistye answer this question many times and I enjoy hearing her describe an incredible journey of heartache, yearning, and faith. It's beautiful to see the emotion and hear her passion as she describes the experience. Please get her to tell you the story some time. Me on the other hand... I botch the answer every time. It's not that I don't know the story. Heck, I lived it with her. But for me, it was less of a journey. It was simply a decision. Were we going to adopt or not? The answer was a resouding yes. But why?
My time here in China has helped me better answer the question. As I mentioned earlier, I now find myself asking this question to the couples that we meet. Why would a couple from Oklahoma adopt seven children when they already have three? Why would a couple from Vancouver adopt a Vietenamese girl and then come to China two years later for another little girl. Why would a little people couple from Wisconsin adopt a 5 year old little person Chinese girl? Why would a couple from Alabama with two healthy boys adopt a little girl? Why? The stories are all very different, but there is common thread. And that commonality is the real answer to the why question.
Back to our story. Why would Mistye and I with three wonderful, healthy and happy children decide to expand our family through adoption and risk a shock to family dynamics? Why would we move outside of our comfort zone and commit to adopting a child with special needs? Why, when our youngest is literally a few days away from shedding the nighttime pullups, would we voluntarily add a baby who needs frequent diaper changes? You laugh, but that conversation has come up several times. WHY?
Well, the answer to the question is quite simple in retrospect. In every story, including ours, there is a point where they all converge. Leading up to this point, the stories are interesting, different, neat, inspiring, you name it. But, it's uncanny how they all end up in the same place. I call it the "God Thing" moment. Every story has that moment stamped on it. So, for me, the answer is simply this. God spoke, we listened and now we're here... it's a God thing.
We came back and I redeemed my lunch mistake yesterday by bringing back some delicious pizza. It was fantastic. Echo took a nap, Mistye took a nap and I started working on today's blog entry. We had to be ready by 5:40 to go on the Pearl River Cruise.
The cruise was interesting. It was a buffet cruise and I love buffets. I hope you sense my sarcasm. Anyway, the food wasn't that bad. The cruise was, you guessed it, hot again but what can you do. We saw cool buildings up and down the river, took several pictures. It was fun. We are back down and unwinding. Worn out, but it was nice to have a busy day to help pass the time. Tomorrow is Monday already, so we're more than halfway home.
Echo was pretty good today, but man she is a busy child. Baby "boot camp" as Mistye calls it will go into effect as soon as we are back in the states. Honestly, she is fantastic.
Changing the subject...
Since we announced our intent to adopt over a year ago, a single question has been posed over and over. And now that we are in China, the same question has surfaced during every converation. There are several versions of the question, but it basically boils down to one word - WHY? Why did you guys decide to adopt?
I've heard Mistye answer this question many times and I enjoy hearing her describe an incredible journey of heartache, yearning, and faith. It's beautiful to see the emotion and hear her passion as she describes the experience. Please get her to tell you the story some time. Me on the other hand... I botch the answer every time. It's not that I don't know the story. Heck, I lived it with her. But for me, it was less of a journey. It was simply a decision. Were we going to adopt or not? The answer was a resouding yes. But why?
My time here in China has helped me better answer the question. As I mentioned earlier, I now find myself asking this question to the couples that we meet. Why would a couple from Oklahoma adopt seven children when they already have three? Why would a couple from Vancouver adopt a Vietenamese girl and then come to China two years later for another little girl. Why would a little people couple from Wisconsin adopt a 5 year old little person Chinese girl? Why would a couple from Alabama with two healthy boys adopt a little girl? Why? The stories are all very different, but there is common thread. And that commonality is the real answer to the why question.
Back to our story. Why would Mistye and I with three wonderful, healthy and happy children decide to expand our family through adoption and risk a shock to family dynamics? Why would we move outside of our comfort zone and commit to adopting a child with special needs? Why, when our youngest is literally a few days away from shedding the nighttime pullups, would we voluntarily add a baby who needs frequent diaper changes? You laugh, but that conversation has come up several times. WHY?
Well, the answer to the question is quite simple in retrospect. In every story, including ours, there is a point where they all converge. Leading up to this point, the stories are interesting, different, neat, inspiring, you name it. But, it's uncanny how they all end up in the same place. I call it the "God Thing" moment. Every story has that moment stamped on it. So, for me, the answer is simply this. God spoke, we listened and now we're here... it's a God thing.
Saturday, June 4, 2011
A Normal Day
First things first, I posted a few new pictures on the right. If it didn't take several minutes to upload each picture through the VPN, I'd upload all of them. I can't complain though... I'm just glad we can access and update the Blog in China. A slow VPN is better than none at all. Oh yeah, it's Heath.
It was a different day in Guangzhou. After yesterday's trip and emotions at the orphanage, today was bound to be different. This will sound strange, but it was a fairly normal day. Mistye and I actually made it until 10pm last night instead of passing out at 8:30. Skyped with Reese, Maddox and Zane also. Fantastic to see their faces and talk to them. We miss them terriby, but it sounds like they are having a great time. Echo slept through the night again. Man, she is a great sleeper! We got really lucky. We woke up at a normal time, took our time getting ready and enjoyed a relaxing breakfast. Small world - we met a couple from Knoxville, TN who adopted a little boy.
We decided to visit a "museum" today in hopes of finding a piece of local art to take home. I was looking for a cool carved piece of bone or jade or something that looked Chinese, but modern. Quite a tall task considering Chinese porcelin is everywhere and very ornate. Beautiful stuff, but not our style. The museum, which was previously a single family residence, was incredible. You can't even imagine the workmanship and detail. Carved wood, ivory, bone, oil paintings, watercolor paintings, carved rice (yes, a single piece of rice), carved everything. The stuff blew my mind. Seriously, it's hard for me to believe that people can create such beautiful works of art. Mistye and I bought an ink stamp for Echo with both her English and Chinese name on it. Watching the guy hand carve the letters was amazing. By the way, he said the English letters were the most difficult. Go figure? We also bought an authentic Chinese baby doll. Unbelievable stuff everywhere. Echo was a champ the whole time. She napped in the stroller for about an hour. Nice!
Mistye had traditional Chinese tea and we learned quite a bit about the proper way to prepare and enjoy tea. Who knew? We walked out with green tea, flower tea and a new tea cup. It really helps having Rebecca with us because a) she translates and b) she explains everything and is very knowledgeable. And, she loves air conditioning as much as we do and she seeks it out. She orders us ice cold Cokes everywhere we go. If those are the only Chinese words I learn, it will be worth it. Warm Cokes... not so good.
From there, we headed to another store that was packed with bigger pieces of art, pottery, etc. Mistye found a great jade necklace that signifies mother and daughter. We also found a beautiful vase that is bright red. It's wood, but then painted with 100+ coats of laquer and then carved. Again, the craftsmanship is amazing. The dollar goes a long way here thankfully. There were pieces in there from "masters" that would have bankrupted us, so I held on to Echo extra tight. She's in sensory overload right now, so she wants to touch everything. It was a fun morning and early afternoon. Not quite like going shopping at Old Navy, but it was kind of nice to have a normal shopping day.
Now to lunch. We found an Irish pub behind the hotel and hit the jackpot! We had nachos, hummus, tomato soup and tomato/mozzarella salad. We've had bad experiences with burgers thus far, so we've decided they just aren't in the cards this trip. Last night, I tried to surprise Mistye with a burger, fries and fruit salad -- we only at the fries. The fruit was soaked, and by soaked I mean coated, with mayonaisse. I don't get it. Anyway, the Irish pub is a bit closer to food normalcy. I'm dying for a burrito though.
We came back, put Echo down for a couple hours and relaxed. I know I've said already, but Echo is a great sleeper. Echo woke up and I played with her for a while. She is very, very close to walking. I worked with here for about 10 minutes and she loved taking 4-5 steps and then falling into my arms. We have it on video.
Another family flew into Guangzhou tonight and we met them for dinner. They have two boys in tow - 5.5 and 3.5 years old. An impressive feat to travel with the whole family. They adopted a little girl who is 16 months old. She is super cute. Another small world moment, the couple (Ashley and Brian) went to Samford University and know Andrew Dye well (Clay's younger brother). Clay, my roomate in college, Clay who I saw three weeks ago with his family. Incredible.
Anyway, we're winding down now. Almost like winding down in Marietta. Of course, we are not in Marietta. We're in Guangzhou, China with our new baby girl Echo who has only known us for 5 days. I must say though, for five days, things feel pretty normal. I can see in Echo's eyes that she loves us already. She laughs, smiles and reaches out for us. She also tests us and disobeys. Yep, things are getting more normal by the minute.
It was a different day in Guangzhou. After yesterday's trip and emotions at the orphanage, today was bound to be different. This will sound strange, but it was a fairly normal day. Mistye and I actually made it until 10pm last night instead of passing out at 8:30. Skyped with Reese, Maddox and Zane also. Fantastic to see their faces and talk to them. We miss them terriby, but it sounds like they are having a great time. Echo slept through the night again. Man, she is a great sleeper! We got really lucky. We woke up at a normal time, took our time getting ready and enjoyed a relaxing breakfast. Small world - we met a couple from Knoxville, TN who adopted a little boy.
We decided to visit a "museum" today in hopes of finding a piece of local art to take home. I was looking for a cool carved piece of bone or jade or something that looked Chinese, but modern. Quite a tall task considering Chinese porcelin is everywhere and very ornate. Beautiful stuff, but not our style. The museum, which was previously a single family residence, was incredible. You can't even imagine the workmanship and detail. Carved wood, ivory, bone, oil paintings, watercolor paintings, carved rice (yes, a single piece of rice), carved everything. The stuff blew my mind. Seriously, it's hard for me to believe that people can create such beautiful works of art. Mistye and I bought an ink stamp for Echo with both her English and Chinese name on it. Watching the guy hand carve the letters was amazing. By the way, he said the English letters were the most difficult. Go figure? We also bought an authentic Chinese baby doll. Unbelievable stuff everywhere. Echo was a champ the whole time. She napped in the stroller for about an hour. Nice!
Mistye had traditional Chinese tea and we learned quite a bit about the proper way to prepare and enjoy tea. Who knew? We walked out with green tea, flower tea and a new tea cup. It really helps having Rebecca with us because a) she translates and b) she explains everything and is very knowledgeable. And, she loves air conditioning as much as we do and she seeks it out. She orders us ice cold Cokes everywhere we go. If those are the only Chinese words I learn, it will be worth it. Warm Cokes... not so good.
From there, we headed to another store that was packed with bigger pieces of art, pottery, etc. Mistye found a great jade necklace that signifies mother and daughter. We also found a beautiful vase that is bright red. It's wood, but then painted with 100+ coats of laquer and then carved. Again, the craftsmanship is amazing. The dollar goes a long way here thankfully. There were pieces in there from "masters" that would have bankrupted us, so I held on to Echo extra tight. She's in sensory overload right now, so she wants to touch everything. It was a fun morning and early afternoon. Not quite like going shopping at Old Navy, but it was kind of nice to have a normal shopping day.
Now to lunch. We found an Irish pub behind the hotel and hit the jackpot! We had nachos, hummus, tomato soup and tomato/mozzarella salad. We've had bad experiences with burgers thus far, so we've decided they just aren't in the cards this trip. Last night, I tried to surprise Mistye with a burger, fries and fruit salad -- we only at the fries. The fruit was soaked, and by soaked I mean coated, with mayonaisse. I don't get it. Anyway, the Irish pub is a bit closer to food normalcy. I'm dying for a burrito though.
We came back, put Echo down for a couple hours and relaxed. I know I've said already, but Echo is a great sleeper. Echo woke up and I played with her for a while. She is very, very close to walking. I worked with here for about 10 minutes and she loved taking 4-5 steps and then falling into my arms. We have it on video.
Another family flew into Guangzhou tonight and we met them for dinner. They have two boys in tow - 5.5 and 3.5 years old. An impressive feat to travel with the whole family. They adopted a little girl who is 16 months old. She is super cute. Another small world moment, the couple (Ashley and Brian) went to Samford University and know Andrew Dye well (Clay's younger brother). Clay, my roomate in college, Clay who I saw three weeks ago with his family. Incredible.
Anyway, we're winding down now. Almost like winding down in Marietta. Of course, we are not in Marietta. We're in Guangzhou, China with our new baby girl Echo who has only known us for 5 days. I must say though, for five days, things feel pretty normal. I can see in Echo's eyes that she loves us already. She laughs, smiles and reaches out for us. She also tests us and disobeys. Yep, things are getting more normal by the minute.
Friday, June 3, 2011
The Orphanage
i've attemped a beginning to this blog about 3 times and then i delete the first line. i'm not sure how to start this one. i'm not sure how to end it.
we met rebecca at 8 am and began our drive to Yangchun. what we thought was going to take about 2 hours took 3. 3 hours in a van. 3 hours in a van with a child who rarely traveled. 3 hours in a van with a child who rarely travels and who is not wearing a seat belt. yep, that's right. no seatbelt. she was actually really good but what heath and i are learning is that echo is busy. and she is strong! if she is not sleeping or eating...she is MOVING!!!! the first part of the drive, we gave her snacks and let her look out the window. and when she became a little crazy, we hogtied her in the carrier that we have for her. she hates to love it. and she loves to hate it. i strapped her in that bad boy until she finally fell asleep. she was golden for the last two hours.
once we got to the orphanage, i couldn't help but get nervous over what we might see. i can tell that she'd been loved and well cared for but it still breaks my heart to know that she was there for almost a year. we were greeted at the door by the director, named Yu, and one of the nannies that had been there on gotcha day. they led us in, where they asked us to take off our shoes and put on some flip flops. i only wish i could have taken a picture of the cute little flops she picked out for heath. too funny.
we saw the first floor which is a little play area for the kids, as well as the kitchen area. it was so clean. it was bright and colorful. the second floor was for their volunteer staff. they have volunteers to come a few times a year to help with the children and they stay in these quarters. again, clean and relatively very nice! i was so happy to know that they had these volunteers. my thoughts immediately took me to my time spent in cambodia with all those little ones and the happiness that it brings the children as well as the overwhelming joy it brings to those of us who helped. to know that echo received that kind of love and support made me giddy.
the third floor was the babies sleeping quarters. as i walked up the stairs, i could see about 10 little babies in highchairs, jumpers, crawling, walking....they seemed to be everywhere. heath was already up there talking to the husband and wife team who help at the orphanage, donald and his wife.....well, we just call her mrs. donald because we never figured out her name. they were super sweet. the children looked so well cared for. one little boy who'd been in the highchair came over to my leg and hugged it so tight. he had a very severe cleft lip. he went from me to heath. grabbing our legs and hugging, putting his little body between our legs and holding on so tight. he was precious. i wanted to snatch him up. he was so sweet and so cute. they all were.
donald asked to hold echo and she went right to him. she loved him. and he loved her. it was clear. mrs. donald talked to me about echo's schedule and wanted to know how she was doing with us. just like a mother would want to know. i was so happy to know how much they cared. donald showed me echo's bedroom and her cribmates. echo's best friend's name is sarah. to hear donald talk about them, reminds me of thelma and louise. sounds like they were a crazy team. very silly and mischievious together. racing their walkers down the hall, racing up the stairs, stealing one another's toys, holding hands through their cribs, flinging toys into one another's beds. awesome. echo had a buddy. she had her side kick. i love the thought of it.
there was also a little baby there that looked as though it was born yesterday. he was tiny. maybe 6 or 7 lbs. he had a cleft lip. very severe and was born premature. he was found a couple of months ago weighing in at 1.5 lbs. when donald told me this, i quickly gasped and questioned if they had the medical supplies needed to help out such a tiny and fragile baby. he said, "baby need love, we give him love, he can live on love. babies can make it through a lot if they are truly loved." i thought I would break down right there. i'm here to tell you. i believe in the whole love thing but i also believe in miracles. and that is nothing short of a miracle. and there i watched that little miracle sleep on a bed made out of iron and a piece of wood to sleep on. that little guy has more strength than I can even imagine. I'm pulling for him. i believe he's going to have a great life ahead of him. i have to believe that.
they took us around the office. we picked up an 11 year boy to take to lunch. the director wanted us to meet him and get to know him so that we could go back to Lily, a Lifeline employee, and tell her about him. they really want him adopted out before he turns 14. at 14 children "age out" and they have to leave the orphanage. he was precious. smart. well mannered. he had been raised well. it broke my heart.
we had a really great lunch with the director and a nanny. echo was busy as usual. oh so busy. we'll have to work on table manners.
finally, we went to the back of the orphanage to take the nanny back. she showed us where echo was found at 2 months old. 2 months old. someone, her mother maybe? had kept her for 2 months. she had loved echo. had she given echo a name? did she sing to her? rock her? did she try to make it work? why two months? as i stood there with echo, i said a prayer. that mother's loss was my ultimate gain. i get to reap all of the rewards. i will never stop praying for that mother. she gave me her greatest gift. my echo.
then i said some things to echo that only she and i will ever know. words between a mother and a daughter. the kind who've been brought togther by fate, by God. i have no doubt that we've been intentionally placed with this child.
back to reality....the drive home. 3 hours back home. again, she was really good but heath and i will be sore tomorrow after passing her back and forth, back and forth, trying to entertain her. we were so glad to get back to our hotel.
heath went out to get take-out and came home with two nasty looking cheese burgers, some crappy fruit dipped in mayonase and french fries. we ate a few french fries and called it a day. a good day. a really, really good day.
we met rebecca at 8 am and began our drive to Yangchun. what we thought was going to take about 2 hours took 3. 3 hours in a van. 3 hours in a van with a child who rarely traveled. 3 hours in a van with a child who rarely travels and who is not wearing a seat belt. yep, that's right. no seatbelt. she was actually really good but what heath and i are learning is that echo is busy. and she is strong! if she is not sleeping or eating...she is MOVING!!!! the first part of the drive, we gave her snacks and let her look out the window. and when she became a little crazy, we hogtied her in the carrier that we have for her. she hates to love it. and she loves to hate it. i strapped her in that bad boy until she finally fell asleep. she was golden for the last two hours.
once we got to the orphanage, i couldn't help but get nervous over what we might see. i can tell that she'd been loved and well cared for but it still breaks my heart to know that she was there for almost a year. we were greeted at the door by the director, named Yu, and one of the nannies that had been there on gotcha day. they led us in, where they asked us to take off our shoes and put on some flip flops. i only wish i could have taken a picture of the cute little flops she picked out for heath. too funny.
we saw the first floor which is a little play area for the kids, as well as the kitchen area. it was so clean. it was bright and colorful. the second floor was for their volunteer staff. they have volunteers to come a few times a year to help with the children and they stay in these quarters. again, clean and relatively very nice! i was so happy to know that they had these volunteers. my thoughts immediately took me to my time spent in cambodia with all those little ones and the happiness that it brings the children as well as the overwhelming joy it brings to those of us who helped. to know that echo received that kind of love and support made me giddy.
the third floor was the babies sleeping quarters. as i walked up the stairs, i could see about 10 little babies in highchairs, jumpers, crawling, walking....they seemed to be everywhere. heath was already up there talking to the husband and wife team who help at the orphanage, donald and his wife.....well, we just call her mrs. donald because we never figured out her name. they were super sweet. the children looked so well cared for. one little boy who'd been in the highchair came over to my leg and hugged it so tight. he had a very severe cleft lip. he went from me to heath. grabbing our legs and hugging, putting his little body between our legs and holding on so tight. he was precious. i wanted to snatch him up. he was so sweet and so cute. they all were.
donald asked to hold echo and she went right to him. she loved him. and he loved her. it was clear. mrs. donald talked to me about echo's schedule and wanted to know how she was doing with us. just like a mother would want to know. i was so happy to know how much they cared. donald showed me echo's bedroom and her cribmates. echo's best friend's name is sarah. to hear donald talk about them, reminds me of thelma and louise. sounds like they were a crazy team. very silly and mischievious together. racing their walkers down the hall, racing up the stairs, stealing one another's toys, holding hands through their cribs, flinging toys into one another's beds. awesome. echo had a buddy. she had her side kick. i love the thought of it.
there was also a little baby there that looked as though it was born yesterday. he was tiny. maybe 6 or 7 lbs. he had a cleft lip. very severe and was born premature. he was found a couple of months ago weighing in at 1.5 lbs. when donald told me this, i quickly gasped and questioned if they had the medical supplies needed to help out such a tiny and fragile baby. he said, "baby need love, we give him love, he can live on love. babies can make it through a lot if they are truly loved." i thought I would break down right there. i'm here to tell you. i believe in the whole love thing but i also believe in miracles. and that is nothing short of a miracle. and there i watched that little miracle sleep on a bed made out of iron and a piece of wood to sleep on. that little guy has more strength than I can even imagine. I'm pulling for him. i believe he's going to have a great life ahead of him. i have to believe that.
they took us around the office. we picked up an 11 year boy to take to lunch. the director wanted us to meet him and get to know him so that we could go back to Lily, a Lifeline employee, and tell her about him. they really want him adopted out before he turns 14. at 14 children "age out" and they have to leave the orphanage. he was precious. smart. well mannered. he had been raised well. it broke my heart.
we had a really great lunch with the director and a nanny. echo was busy as usual. oh so busy. we'll have to work on table manners.
finally, we went to the back of the orphanage to take the nanny back. she showed us where echo was found at 2 months old. 2 months old. someone, her mother maybe? had kept her for 2 months. she had loved echo. had she given echo a name? did she sing to her? rock her? did she try to make it work? why two months? as i stood there with echo, i said a prayer. that mother's loss was my ultimate gain. i get to reap all of the rewards. i will never stop praying for that mother. she gave me her greatest gift. my echo.
then i said some things to echo that only she and i will ever know. words between a mother and a daughter. the kind who've been brought togther by fate, by God. i have no doubt that we've been intentionally placed with this child.
back to reality....the drive home. 3 hours back home. again, she was really good but heath and i will be sore tomorrow after passing her back and forth, back and forth, trying to entertain her. we were so glad to get back to our hotel.
heath went out to get take-out and came home with two nasty looking cheese burgers, some crappy fruit dipped in mayonase and french fries. we ate a few french fries and called it a day. a good day. a really, really good day.
Thursday, June 2, 2011
Beauty Mark
Many of you are probably wondering what echo's special need is. or if you already know it, you are probably wondering how it is looking/doing. echo has tested slightly positive for anemia and has a hemangioma on her right forearem. her arm looks great. it is barely raised, barely. slightly blueish gray in color. it is soft like the rest of her little arm. we hardly even notice it. as a matter of fact, i almost love that mark on her. it's her beauty mark, it's what led us to her. without it, we may have never met. we have not been to the dr here yet so we may find out a little more. i think that will be a quick check, however. we won't know too much more about her until we take her to our dr in the states. i have fears every once in awhile that we've gotten too lucky. that there must be more. that it will be found once we get home. but i have to push those thoughts out. it's no different than when i held my infants for the first time and worried for their health and safety the moment i layed eyes on them. it's a mother's job. to be concerned for her children. again, i push it aside and give it God.
today we went sight-seeing with some other familes. really we pretty much just walked around. it was fun and interesting getting to know some of the other families with our agency. there is one precious woman who is here adopting her 6th and 7th! that's right, she has 3 biological children and has adopted 7. she now has 10 children!!! her husband is a corn farmer and was unable to come so one of her daughters is with her and her sister in law came as well. i'm both astounded and amazed at her. i love to hear her story and her faith and how God led her to this point. all I kept praying was, oh, Lord.....please....not 10! haahaha seriously, though. she's a really cool and fun woman. i could have sat down with her for hours and it would not have been enough.
the humidity here is intense. much like camboidia except this time i'm carrying a 25lb baby in a sling! much different in that sense. my right arm is seriously sore. not only is she a heavy little package but she is wild. she doesn't hook her feet around me when i carry her, she just flings and flits around, taking in all the sights and sounds. she is busy. oh is she busy. she will be walking in no time. we are sure of it. i have a feeling i've got my work cut out for me with this little one.
tomorrow we go to her orphanage. we are meeting rebecca at 8 am to take a van out to Yangchun. it will take around 2-3 hours to get there. i'm looking forward to it and i'm dreading it. i'm looking forward to it because i get to see where her home has been for the last year. i get to have an idea of how her life was and maybe meet some of her little crib mates. i'm dreading it for the exact same reasons. i've been to orphanages before, and no matter how good the orphanage is, it's still an orphanage. a place where children have no parents. helpless, precious little ones who have no mommy to kiss their pain away and no daddy to throw them around and make them giggle. my stomach turns when I think about it.
but then i see it. her beauty mark. our first connection to one another. the very same thing that scares me brings me joy. it's my reminder of what brought us together. it's what got her out of the orphanage. it was her ticket to freedom. i can't help but pray for all of the other children and their "beauty marks". whatever marks they may have, i'm praying for them.
today we went sight-seeing with some other familes. really we pretty much just walked around. it was fun and interesting getting to know some of the other families with our agency. there is one precious woman who is here adopting her 6th and 7th! that's right, she has 3 biological children and has adopted 7. she now has 10 children!!! her husband is a corn farmer and was unable to come so one of her daughters is with her and her sister in law came as well. i'm both astounded and amazed at her. i love to hear her story and her faith and how God led her to this point. all I kept praying was, oh, Lord.....please....not 10! haahaha seriously, though. she's a really cool and fun woman. i could have sat down with her for hours and it would not have been enough.
the humidity here is intense. much like camboidia except this time i'm carrying a 25lb baby in a sling! much different in that sense. my right arm is seriously sore. not only is she a heavy little package but she is wild. she doesn't hook her feet around me when i carry her, she just flings and flits around, taking in all the sights and sounds. she is busy. oh is she busy. she will be walking in no time. we are sure of it. i have a feeling i've got my work cut out for me with this little one.
tomorrow we go to her orphanage. we are meeting rebecca at 8 am to take a van out to Yangchun. it will take around 2-3 hours to get there. i'm looking forward to it and i'm dreading it. i'm looking forward to it because i get to see where her home has been for the last year. i get to have an idea of how her life was and maybe meet some of her little crib mates. i'm dreading it for the exact same reasons. i've been to orphanages before, and no matter how good the orphanage is, it's still an orphanage. a place where children have no parents. helpless, precious little ones who have no mommy to kiss their pain away and no daddy to throw them around and make them giggle. my stomach turns when I think about it.
but then i see it. her beauty mark. our first connection to one another. the very same thing that scares me brings me joy. it's my reminder of what brought us together. it's what got her out of the orphanage. it was her ticket to freedom. i can't help but pray for all of the other children and their "beauty marks". whatever marks they may have, i'm praying for them.
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
Handle with Care.....
We've had three days with echo. she is a dream come true. we just layed her down for the night. she cries for 2 seconds and then stops and we won't hear a peep out of her for the rest of the night. she was well loved and well trained at her orphanage. we can really tell.
today was not a very busy day. we met rebecca at 12:00 to eat lunch with a couple of families and then we met again at 3:00 at the police station to get her passport taken care of. it feels like every day is a day that I've waited so long to get to. it's refreshing and relieving to check it off my list! another step closer to bringing echo home!
in the last three days we've been able to spend a LOT of time with one another. time that i wish i could have had with each one of my other three children back in the states. heath and i spend countless moments on the floor with her, laughing, playing, singing. even when we aren't doing anything, we are all three together, huddled close together. we are still learning one another's smells, our touches, our smiles, laughter and cries. it's wonderful and it's exhausting.
yesterday and today, heath and i have felt overly comfortable at times with echo. we are such silly parents together. we sing, dance and get just plain wild at times. our three children are used to this.
they've grown up knowing that we are weird and loud and they love it.
you know how you are at home, you play games and make jokes that only you and your family can understand. well, we are no different. we've made the attempt to show that side of us. sometimes it goes over well and sometimes.....not so much. i've made the attempt to make up my songs and dances for her only to see her little face look at me as if to say, "you stupid american, why do you act that way". and there has been a time or two when we try to give her a kiss and it makes her cry. she is just not ready for such affection. but she's coming around to it. we get a smile more often than we did on the first day, by far! once she gets to know us more, she will be just as wild and crazy. we know it.
today we had lunch with a couple of other Lifeline families. echo was very busy in her chair. typical toddler. she wanted to get down and do more things, not just eat. it was a learning lesson for her.
after awhile, one of the asian ladies from Lifeline came to sit down beside us and talk to echo. echo smiled and put on the charm. Lily then asked if she could hold echo so i passed her over. shockingly, echo began to cry and reached out for me to grab her. she reached for me. she wanted me. her mom. the white lady that smells funny. me.
her mother. i pushed back tears and i reached for my baby in her time of distress. i looked over at heath who mouthed, "you are loving this". what can i say, a girl needs her mama, right?
in these moments that i see echo become sad, scared or nervous, i remember what a major transistion this is for her. how her whole world has been turned upside down. yes, she is brave and she has amazing strength and resiliance, but she is still a baby. a scared little girl who is trying to figure it all out. i'm so grateful that she already knows to reach for us in her times of fear and uncertainty. she knows that we are here to protect her. so, we'll keep dancing and singing, kissing and tickling and acting like the stupid americans. no matter how crazy she thinks we are, i kinda think she likes it. she warms up more every day. we just have to be patient and fight the urge to smother her in kisses and hugs, as painful as that might be at times. she is fragile. we have to handle this little one with care.
today was not a very busy day. we met rebecca at 12:00 to eat lunch with a couple of families and then we met again at 3:00 at the police station to get her passport taken care of. it feels like every day is a day that I've waited so long to get to. it's refreshing and relieving to check it off my list! another step closer to bringing echo home!
in the last three days we've been able to spend a LOT of time with one another. time that i wish i could have had with each one of my other three children back in the states. heath and i spend countless moments on the floor with her, laughing, playing, singing. even when we aren't doing anything, we are all three together, huddled close together. we are still learning one another's smells, our touches, our smiles, laughter and cries. it's wonderful and it's exhausting.
yesterday and today, heath and i have felt overly comfortable at times with echo. we are such silly parents together. we sing, dance and get just plain wild at times. our three children are used to this.
they've grown up knowing that we are weird and loud and they love it.
you know how you are at home, you play games and make jokes that only you and your family can understand. well, we are no different. we've made the attempt to show that side of us. sometimes it goes over well and sometimes.....not so much. i've made the attempt to make up my songs and dances for her only to see her little face look at me as if to say, "you stupid american, why do you act that way". and there has been a time or two when we try to give her a kiss and it makes her cry. she is just not ready for such affection. but she's coming around to it. we get a smile more often than we did on the first day, by far! once she gets to know us more, she will be just as wild and crazy. we know it.
today we had lunch with a couple of other Lifeline families. echo was very busy in her chair. typical toddler. she wanted to get down and do more things, not just eat. it was a learning lesson for her.
after awhile, one of the asian ladies from Lifeline came to sit down beside us and talk to echo. echo smiled and put on the charm. Lily then asked if she could hold echo so i passed her over. shockingly, echo began to cry and reached out for me to grab her. she reached for me. she wanted me. her mom. the white lady that smells funny. me.
her mother. i pushed back tears and i reached for my baby in her time of distress. i looked over at heath who mouthed, "you are loving this". what can i say, a girl needs her mama, right?
in these moments that i see echo become sad, scared or nervous, i remember what a major transistion this is for her. how her whole world has been turned upside down. yes, she is brave and she has amazing strength and resiliance, but she is still a baby. a scared little girl who is trying to figure it all out. i'm so grateful that she already knows to reach for us in her times of fear and uncertainty. she knows that we are here to protect her. so, we'll keep dancing and singing, kissing and tickling and acting like the stupid americans. no matter how crazy she thinks we are, i kinda think she likes it. she warms up more every day. we just have to be patient and fight the urge to smother her in kisses and hugs, as painful as that might be at times. she is fragile. we have to handle this little one with care.
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