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The End....And So It Begins.....

well. here we are. 2 days away from our flight over. moving day. how did we get here? the day has been slow as molasses and yet, it somehow snuck up on me. i'm going through the motions of saying my goodbyes and having my "last times". you know, like the last time i attend my church here for awhile, the last time we meet with small group, the last time we have a saturday here, the last time i see my friends, the last time i see my family, the last time i eat mexican food (i mean, that's important, right?) the last time i hug my sister.....at least for a little while.

last week i visited my parents. the last time. when it was time to go, i did it in a very quick manner. i didn't want to get too upset in front of the children. less drama, that's what i was thinking. we said our goodbyes, my sister and i hugged just like we always do, as if I would be back again next week. no big deal, right? but as i drove down the driveway, i wanted to turn back around. i wanted a longer hug, i wanted to smell her hair and rub her back. my little sister. i almost did except that i didn't want to put it in the children's heads that this was a sad event. i want for them to be excited, hopeful. they don't understand "bitter-sweet" yet, do they? and i was afraid, if i went back and hugged a little longer, would i want to let go?

twice i wanted to turn the car around and go back. twice i put my foot on the brake to go back. i did not. after more than 30 minutes of driving, almost halfway back to our home, reese asked, "mommy, why are you sad?" it was then that i looked in the rear view mirror and saw my sweet little 5 year old, brown eyed girl, staring at me, dead eye contact and wanting to know the answer to a question that i did not have the words to answer. at least not for her little ears. so in the attempt to answer her, realizing that i'd been crying, i choked, waved my hand over my face and looked back at the highway in silence. when i looked back up at her, she simply pursed her lips in a soft smile as if to say, it's okay, i get it, you don't have to answer. and then she went back to her Leapster.

last night we had our last monday night meeting with our small group. a group of us meet once a week to talk about life, the bible, our relationships, God...it was a night that i had dreaded. i love this group, these people. these friends that have become like family. but it turned out to be somewhat easier than i thought. difficult, but easier. i must admit, i've actually cried a lot less than I thought that i would with all of these goodbyes. i really thought that i would be a sloppy mess through it all. am i in denial? when will it hit me? how hard will it hit?

last night, as usual, i could not sleep. i stayed up until well after 2 a.m. trying to sort through my thoughts. so i began to pray. i thought for just a moment, go ahead, mistye, let it out. cry if you need to. you can't hurt or worry God with your tears. He won't mind. so...i let a tear fall. just one. okay, maybe it was a couple but that was about it. but then, i let the breath out that i'd been holding in, holding back.

and i cried.

really cried.

and i don't even know the exact reason. i just needed to get some out. so that's what i did. i cried until my pillow was wet, which i hate because then, like other times before, i have to find a new spot on the pillow and depending on how wet the pillow has gotten, it might be difficult to find a good, new spot. then i'm just left with a soggy pillow.

so, i sat up from the couch and looked out of our huge window and saw the trees blowing back and forth.

dancing.

swinging and swaying.

dancing.

was a storm coming? why were they swaying so forcefully? you can look at life in many ways, but basically you can look at it positively or negatively. when the wind blows, you can see it as a storm coming or trees dancing.

mine dance.

this has been a busy summer for us. did we have a summer? did it happen? the season is nearing an end, just like this season of our life. we are moving on to a new season, figuratively and literally because once we get to london, it's goodbye tank tops and hello jackets as we go from 100 degree weather to 65/70 degree weather. good bye babies and hello school age children as my three oldest start school all together. goodbye roomie house with back yard and hello flat overlooking concrete. it will be a new season for us all.

we go through these seasons of our lives and as much as it may hurt, or as sad as it may be, we must embrace what is to come. the sweetness of yesterday. the beauty of today. the excitement of tomorrow.

and there is excitement in tomorrow. there always is.

and so, with that said, this blog needs to come to a close. again, bitter sweet. i'm losing another part of me. we've used this blog and filled it with exactly what it was intended for. the meeting, greeting and bringing our baby girl home to her family. we did it. and we kept it going to fill it with memories of echo's growth and bonding with our family this summer. we did it. it is the end of this season. after-all, we are a family of 6, not one. so echowilson.blogspot just doesn't make sense anymore. she is one of 6. and we are about to embark on a great adventure. together. as a family. we are going to close this blog and begin a new one. i have no idea what the name will be yet and i'll post that as soon as i figure it out. i will still keep you updated with echo, of course, but our other three will be charted as well. so, it's not really an end, it's a beginning.



maybe in the next blog, i'll have words like; bugger, chinwag and telly. i mean, i plan on finding some really cool british gals to hang out with. i've told many of you that i plan to go over to Princess Kate's house and borrow an egg for my cooking. she will be living across the street from us, i might as well, right? maybe she will be one of those cool british gals that i hang with. and my children will start to call me "mummy". oh boy! can you imagine little echo? a chinese american with a british accent! we will have a lot of explaining to do!

cheers!!!

Hugs and Kisses

If any of you have ever been around heath and me with our children, i mean, really been around us with our children, you would see how affectionate we are with them. and we even try to hold off on the affection when we are around friends and family simply because...well, simply because. i could eat my children up with a spoon. i think they are yummy. i love every little tiny piece about each one of them. they were wonderfully and miraculously made, after-all. i can see the wonder and miracle in them at any given moment.

as you know, heath and i have been working with echo on her hugs and kisses. now, our approach has been very different. heath has been playful, silly, strong and just throws himself right in there. i do too, but i've been more of a teacher during the day. you would think hugs and kisses come naturally. i use to think that. growing up in a loving a sweet family. hugs and kisses are adored and welcomed. not the case when you spend your first year in an orphanage. so, during my day, you can see/hear me giving her a soft kiss and saying "kiss". or sitting in the floor with her and wrapping my arms around her saying "hug". these are things that babies who are well loved and cared for, automatically begin to do. i've been just waiting for that moment when i get that wide-open mouth kiss that you get from your baby. you know the kind, she comes at you with those sloppy lips and just smother you right smack dab on your own smackers. you almost want to dodge it because you can see the drool coming your way, you feel as though you may drown in this saliva but as she pulls away, you wish that it could have lasted longer. babies are so quick with their kisses. so stingy. they only give them when they want to and when they mean it. i know this, i've been through it three times already with my other children. that quick, sloppy kiss is never enough. they always leave me wanting more. and so, we played (and worked) with echo on these simple things. hugs and kisses.

heath's parents were here over the weekend to have a last visit before the big move to london. it was a great weekend and will go down as one of my most memorable weekends because of one tiny moment. after having lunch on saturday, i was sitting at the table and echo was down walking around. she was in a great mood. just like any random moment, i saw her coming toward me so i bent down in hopes to steal a smooch, knowing full well this would make her squirm or turn running. she was coming right for me. i don't remember if i requested the kiss or if she just laid it on me, but she came over and very clearly, very intentionally kissed me. i have no doubt that she felt love in her heart and wanted to share it with me. what a beautiful moment. our first kiss. then, of course, i immediately requested more! one could never be enough. i could hear heath in the background, "no way, she did not, bring her here"....and like any stingy baby, she was done. as quickly as she'd given her kiss, she walked away. easy come, easy go.

i've gotten another kiss since then, in our dinning room. i was sitting alone with her in the floor and she was playing in front of me, "kiss?" i asked. and she raised up that beautiful little face of hers and gave me a kiss. and continued with her play.....our girl, she's coming around more and more each day.....

tonight at dinner, i was over at my parent's house and we were all sitting around eating. out of absolutely no where, echo leaned over and wrapped her tiny arms around me. i leaned in too and we held our hug....i'm not sure that i would have been certain what she was doing, except that she wanted to do it several times and each time i would say, "hug....thank you", "hug....thank you".....she did this several times, over and over. again, i have no doubt she knew exactly what she was doing. she has learned several signs (eat, more, all done), a couple of words (bye-bye, no) and now this, displays of affection. a hug and a kiss. something so simple and yet, something i have been waiting for. i love you, echo...do you love me? the more i ask this question, the more i can see the answer. yes, the feeling is very mutual.

i guess you could say we are in love.


*thanks, nicole eliason, for the photo!

One on One

it's been just the two of us for the last 18-20 hours. just me and little echo. the kids went to grandma and granddaddy's and heath has some business in town this week that requires some long hours and business dinners. i've gotten to know little echo on a new level. we've bonded a little deeper. it's been really neat to see her in this setting. the setting of being an only child. i have to admit, she's pretty good at it. not as good as being a little sister of 3 older siblings but she's definitely loving the extra attention, the less crazy mom, the house that she alone can destroy. yes, she is enjoying this time to the fullest. there are things about her that i've learned these last few hours. some things i knew but others are new to me. i've had a lot of time to watch her, no other real distractions. i knew that i loved her but there are things about her that i'm crazy about. just a little list of the things i love:

i love the way you smile with your mouth wide open.
i love how you catch me looking at you and you come running, full sprint to jump in my lap.
i love how, upon waking from sleep, you put your little fingers together to sign more, letting me know you want to eat.
i love your strength. emotional and physical.
i love how you shock the socks off the doctors when they try to hold you down for shots. they have no idea the strength you hold.
i love how you "wear' flip flops on your arms and walk around the house. it's your favorite.
i love how you brush your hair and smile with pride.
i love how you love your daddy just as much as we all do around here. what's not to love?
i love how you look at reese with adoration.
i love how you annoy maddox.
i love how you and zane have become such fast friends. partners in crime, one day, i have no doubt.
i love how you can maneuver you upper lip over your lower one in an attempt to catch a piece of falling food. you have lips that can move like a llama! you don't want a bite to go to waste!
i love how you still aren't sure of our kisses and hugs, they still make you cry at times, but there are a few times, that you seem to enjoy it. you'll come around.
i love that you went from crawling to running in less than two weeks.
i love that you know how to be held now. you wrap those little legs around my hips immediately upon pick up.
i love how you say "bye bye" with that raspy little voice. and you wave those tiny hands.
i love your determination.
i love that you are in our family
i love that you are one of two of my daughters, one of four of my children. i love it.

this one on one time has been so great. grocery shopping with you was actually fun and entertaining. you smiled at other customers and tried to grab their carts. you also recognized some of the packages on the shelves and would sign more. haaha. bedtime is so quiet and relatively simple. i give you a bath and brush your teeth. you get an extra long cleaning with each because i feel like i need to make up for lost time. all the times i lined you up with the others, the "assembly line" as your aunt debbie called it. yes, you've gotten a little extra of everything these last few hours. one on one time is good. and here i thought that the big kids needs some time away, some time off, some fun and adventure. and i still believe that they did. but now i see that you needed the time as well. and maybe i did too.

these days were fun, sweet echo. now let's get ready for the party coming home tomorrow! back to life in the fast lane. you and i know we both love it!


*thanks to Nicole Eliason for the photo!

The Waiting Room

there have been a lot of things on our calender that we've waited to get to. as the days go by, we mark off what we've done and where we've been and continue to anticipate where we have left to go and do.....a little recap on the last few days:

heath and i went on a date friday night. an all night date. dinner, laughs, we even attempted a dance club (don't ask) and then a night at my favorite hotel, The W!! just to get away. we'd planned it during our "vacation" at the beach with all of the kids. we knew we needed a night to be together and to enjoy some alone time. it was a fantastic night and i fell, honestly, even more in love with heath than ever before. it's nice to have him on this journey along beside me. and i beside him. we only talked about the kids for the first couple of hours into the date and then it was on to laughter and fun with one another. a night with my love and my very best friend.

last night we went to a little "going away party" from our boot camp instructor friends. whenever i talk about leaving, moving or saying goodbye, it seems very surreal. surely this is not really happening.

today my mom came to pick up the three older kids. she loaded up reese, maddox and zane. all filled with excitement over the fact that "the big kids" were the ones to go to grandma's this time. no babies allowed. echo would be staying here with me. when my mother didn't arrive at exactly lunchtime (which was the time period that i told them she would arrive) Zane started to get really concerned. he was promised a trip to see grandma and granddaddy. he was told it was big kids only. he wanted to make sure that grandma was still going to come get them! when it was time for them to leave, i thought zane would try to drive the car himself. i'm not only excited that they are having a good time but i'm thrilled that they took such pride in their roles of the big kids. little zane is really coming around to the idea of being "big".

and then i have to go back to yesterday. (sorry to bounce around like that.) I found myself in yet another doctor's office yesterday, two actually. one for echo and then another for me later in the day. as i've said before, i've scheduled a ton of appointments to make sure that we are all in working order as our travel plans draw near. i was sitting in the waiting room. i was alone. the other waiting room was so full that the nurse moved me over to the second waiting room. i knew that i needed to make myself comfortable, this could take awhile. luckily, i was truly alone in this room. by that, i mean, i had no kids with me. what? i have time to think? read a book? so i pulled out my book that i've been reading. the book is called The Sacred Echo (thank you susan) and it's fantastic. i've really enjoyed reading it and recommend it to everyone. anyway, i finished the book and just sat there. and sat. and sat. and then i realized how much i feel like i wait for things. i feel like i'm always waiting.

waiting to find the one
waiting to get married
waiting to finish school
waiting to get pregnant
waiting to hear God's call
waiting for the next month
waiting for the next year
waiting for my children to reach the next milestone
waiting to go to sleep
waiting to wake up
waiting for nap time
waiting for test results
waiting for heath to get home from work
waiting to move
waiting to stay
waiting for the next appointment
the next thing, we are always waiting for something. at least i am.

and these things are just little things. some people are waiting for so much more. so much more that is way more serious, life threatening or altering....

i think back to waiting to conceive our twins. i don't like to think back to that time, but it was a waiting game, for sure. and then i think about the pregnancies and waiting to get that baby or babies OUT. then i waited to get them through infancy. whew! those are some tough first few months. i waited for each one to be able to talk to tell me what they wanted instead of pointing and grunting. i waited for each one to walk.

and then the adoption. what a strange and beautiful waiting game THAT turned out to be. sign here, dot there, do this, go there, passport picture here, documentation there.....oh the waiting, hurry up and wait. get to the next part, get through it and wait for something more.

i've had a lot of curious people lately ask 'how long did it take you to adopt'. it's shocking to me that it only took about 14-15 months. shocking. that's not long at all! and i go as far as to tell some people that it really could have only taken 12-13 months but our home study took a couple of months longer than it should have. a home study normally takes about 3 months with our agency, it took us over 5. i was very frustrated at the time. very frustrated. almost to the point of getting upset, calling it quits and finding another agency. seriously, i was not happy. i had to have someone to blame, right? but deep down, i knew God had it all under control. i knew His timing was best. i knew that i needed to lay low and be patient. and so my heart changed and softened to the wait. i would embrace the wait. now, looking back, if our home study had gone through when i thought it should have or wished that it could have, i would not have my echo. i would not have my baby girl. you see, she would not have been on the list yet because of her age. she was really young when we got her file. a couple of months younger would have meant that she was ineligible for adoption or even that her file would not be ready to send out. oh the wait, that sweet blessed wait.

so here i was waiting for the doctor. for an answer. i wanted to hear an answer from this doctor about my body. and don't worry mama and mrs. wilson, everything is fine, let me just get that out there! but i was waiting. and i was uncomfortable waiting, not a lot, just a little. i wanted an answer quickly and i wanted the answer that i wanted to hear. and then it hit me. in this stale white, boring waiting room. life is really like one big waiting room. but that doesn't have to be a bad thing. we all wait. we wait for millions of things all through our life. i realized that since the world is full of waiters and we are all waiting for the next thing, why not be patient. why not enjoy the wait. i decided that i didn't want my waiting room to be this stale white boring old room. i wanted it to be beautiful, pleasant and peaceful. i wanted to embrace the wait. my waiting room is in God's hands. you can think of that in two different ways. one way; it's up to Him to decide what i wait for and how long i wait for it. or you can look at it as me just sitting in God's great big ole hands. just hanging out. relaxing. and letting Him carry me through. that's how i like to think of it. the waiting room. my waiting room is not too shabby. it's kinda nice at times.

so today, after the kids left with my mom, as i waited, in this house that is too big for only echo and myself. i took great happiness in cleaning, in folding laundry. i took great joy in playing with echo, hearing her say "bye bye" over and over again (her only word that she can say with confidence). feeding her, watching her make a major mess in the areas that i'd just cleaned. it was a pleasure to hear her laugh, to bathe her, to hold her down as i towel dried her and then fought her to blow-dry her hair. (i mean, it wasn't all rosy.)

i am in a constant waiting room but i have to take a step back and enjoy what i have that i waited so long for. i want to be a happy waiter. i want to enjoy my waiting room.

"Love is never tired of waiting."1 Corinthians 13:4

The Present Will Be The Past

i hesitate to write tonight. i'm tired, i'm a bit crabby and the kids were like four wild tornados tonight which didn't help matters. i hesitate. and yet, i write.

today i took all four children to the dentist. we've been going to about twenty doctor appointments a week. between the five of us, the kids and me, we have all kinds of check ups and visits to make in order to get up to where we need to be before we move out of the country. as if the UK doesn't have doctors.....you would think that the way i've scheduled appointments that we are not only moving to a foreign country, but that we are moving off the planet! to a place that has no civilization. we are moving to a CITY for crying out loud. they have doctors. but i trust my US doctors so...to the doctor we must go. they love the dentist. my older three. they couldn't wait. they've talked about it all week. reese has even decided that she wants to be a dentist. i sat with such pride as they lay in the chair, good listeners, ready for what comes next. and then came echo. my little one who has been poked and prodded way too much in the last 6 weeks. 6 weeks. we've been home for 6 weeks. i'll get to that in a moment. once it was echo's turn to be in the chair, she went nuts. it was one more doctor. doing one more invasive thing. she would have nothing to do with it. my other three stood around the chair coaching her, rubbing her, telling her it would be okay. i too, was coaching and rubbing but deep down, i was just tired. so tired.

and that puts me at 6 weeks. we've had echo home now for 6 weeks. the newness has gone. for all of us. she is more of a family member than ever before. she has seen me at my best and she has certainly seen me at my worst. i have seen her at her best. and yes, i believe her worst. she has come into our household at a very crazy time, as if things weren't going to be crazy enough already for her. new family, new home, new language, new culture, the list goes on. and here we are, preparing for this move. boxes everywhere, appointments to make, appointments to keep, phone calls, errands to run, babysitters, friends coming to say "hello", friends coming to say "goodbye", mommy coming in, mommy going out....our door is a revolving door right now. i'm not sure that she understands what "normal" is around here. actually, there is no way that she knows what "normal" is. we haven't been normal all summer.

how could 6 weeks have already gone by? summer just started, right? even as i sit here and type this, i'm more choppy than usual. i can't put it into words. the confusion, the uncertainty, the overwhelming....oh, no! there is that word that i hate....regret.......i regret that i wasn't able to spend more time with each one of my four. i regret that the summer has sped by way too quickly. i regret not getting them into a really cool camp that we all feel the pressure to put them into at far too early of an age. i regret the moments that i was too tired to play with reese and maddox while the two little ones napped and instead turned on a movie so that, i too, could nap....i regret.

i regret not making a great dinner for my family on certain nights. i regret making the great dinner but in the attempt of this great dinner becoming so foul because dinners are SO DIFFICULT to make right now. i feel like i'm putting out fires left and right as tiny little people run all around me...oh the regret.

darned if i do and darned if i don't. that's how i sometimes feel.

i hate that word. regret. what an ugly word. i'm not one to have regrets. i live life and try my best to take it as it comes and do the best that i can. but when it comes to my children, why does that feeling creep in? oh, and guilt comes with it, right? another ugly and terrible word. and horrific feeling.

okay, yes, there is some drama to all of this as i write. and this blog took an ugly turn. but. as i write it, the words and feelings go from my mind and my heart and flow out of my fingertips. and my hope is, that i will let them pour out of my fingertips until they are no longer in me. because i will look back at this one day as just what it is. a crazy time in my life. a beautiful time in my life. a joyous and precious time in my life. i will look back and regret that i let regret creep into my mind. oh, when that day comes. and it will. it will. i already can look back to when my twins were infants. i made myself believe at times that i was a lazy mom because i would nap when they napped.....seriously!? what mother in their right mind WOULDN'T nap when twins napped. how dare i make myself guilty over that one. and yet, i did.

so tonight, i sit here. a little grumpy, extremely tired and feeling that regret. but i'm also going to feel joy. i'm going to feel content. i'm going to feel thankful. i'm going to feel blessed. and i'm going to choose to feel worthy. because i am all of these things as well. i have too much to be grateful for to focus on the negative.

and no, i don't regret putting my children to bed an hour early tonight. and i don't regret that bowl of ice cream.


“…this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before.” Philippines 3:13

Among the Boxes is My MIssion

i attempted "bed time" over an hour ago. bed time for myself, that is. the children have been down for hours now. but for myself, i knew that i needed sleep to get me to early service in the morning and then to begin another day of packing up these boxes. oh, these boxes. just when i felt like the move to london would not actually happen, in came the boxes. they are big, they are overwhelming and they become very awkward to move and carry once fully packed. but here they are. all around me. a constant reminder that the time is coming to move my family to a foreign country.

as i laid down tonight to attempt sleep, i started to pray. and somewhere in my praying, i got a little lost. i knew that i was lost because what had started as a prayer was now a never-ending list of "to-dos". oh no! i'd gone astray! wait! back up! start over! i'm sorry, Lord! (darn-it)

and that's when i told God that i was just stressed. i'm sure He was totally shocked by this. like all the big things that i surprise Him with. actually He was just waiting on me to be honest. so, there it was. the brutal honesty. "i can't think about you Lord, because i'm too busy...." ooooo, what a painful and scary truth to reveal. there it was. the truth.

so i decided to pray for the people that came into my mind. so many friends and family. so many. and there has been a lurking thought and prayer that has been in the back of my mind. the cambodia children. the orphans. many of you know that i have a deep pull towards cambodia. i've gone with two different amazing teams for the last two years. i've met the sweetest, most precious cambodia children ever created. there are three of these children that i kinda like to call my own. Phillib, Vandam, and Nat. precious children. little loves. sweet lights. their faces pierce my memory at night. hurt my head and break my heart. they call me "mommy".

there is a new team leaving on thursday to go back over to battambang, cambodia. i would have been in that group, except for one really big thing. and one really small thing. the really big thing is that we had planned to move to london before this team took off. we should have already been there by now. we've been forced to drag our feet for all sorts of reasons. finding the flat, getting the children into a school, tying up loose ends here in the states...adoption...which leads me to the really small thing that has held me back this year. echo. i remember wrestling with God a year ago. "Lord, if you are truly asking me to take on another child, especially one from another country, how can i still serve You in cambodia". and by "serving" i meant "going"...because there are plenty of ways to serve without being the one to go. i've seen it and felt it as friends and family have supported me financially and prayerfully the years that i've gone. but i wanted to GO. i wanted to DO. why was He taking it away from me? it was a struggle. so i honestly prayed for Him to change my heart. "Lord, if this adoption goes through before the next cambodia trip and i'm unable to go, i need for you to change my heart. i'm going to be crushed if i don't get to go. if i don't get to hold those cambodia children. if i don't get to sing with them, pray with them, play with them. i have unfinished business there...." i prayed that prayer countless times, countless nights.

tonight, as i prayed for all those friends and family. i saw those three little faces of Phillib, Vandam, and little Nat. my mission. my service. so far away. too far away. at least for this year. probably next year. and who can look so far ahead as to all the other years. but. my heart has changed. for now. because i have a mission at home. my mission field is right here with me all the time. they are sleeping upstairs. they call me mommy also. and i'm serving. oh good gravy am i serving! i'm serving from the moment i wake until the blessed time my head hits the pillow at night. no, i'm serving Something much higher. i have an important job to do right now. i have a great calling. mommy.

as i continue to type, i look around at these boxes that need to be packed. they are big, they are overwhelming. but i understand that these boxes are just part of what needs to be done to continue my mission. every big and little thing i do each day is part of that mission. so here i sit, among these boxes.


Return to your rest, O my soul, for the Lord has dealt bountifully with you. Psalm 116:7

Two Ordinary Days. Or Were They?

Today was an unexpected kind of day. even as i write now, i realized that it's too late to begin a blog update. i usually turn into a pumpkin at 10:00 pm, so why do i have this need and desire to write? i will possibly regret this in the morning. i have a really busy day with lots of appointments and a million errands. oh well....

the last two days have been ordinary kind of days but then again, not so ordinary. today was an unexpected kind of day. it was a no day kind of day. heath headed out early for boot camp and work, i awoke to "mommy, i gotta go baffroom!" (my alarm clock is zane's bladder) i was able to steal a few moments with him after his pit stop. we snuggled in his bed for a bit until he told me, "mommy, you can go back to your bed". hmmm, thanks?

breakfast was busy, got out of the house to run an errand and grab a coffee. not sure which one of those is truly what got me to lug 4 children out of the house at 9 am but, whatever. i had things to do. i cleaned like a crazy lady today. i threw out old things, unneeded things, unwanted things, unused things...i just threw out. and then threw out some more. knowing that we leave in a few weeks to another country makes me realize that we will return to this house every once in again and i can't handle clutter. so, organize i must. and all the while, the kids played around me, behind me, beside me, on me, through me, over me. you get the idea. it's funny. at any given moment, i would be organizing or purging and have at least one small child in my lap. at one point, we had appraisers to come over today and walk around our home taking pictures and such. the woman came upstairs where we were. i, trashing toys behind the kids' backs little by little and the lady stops and says, "are all of these children yours"? (there is that question again). she asked another common question, "what are their ages". so i went through it and she just smiled at them, said hello and told me they were all beautiful and went about her work. as she walked out of the room, i just looked at them, my babies. all of my babies. how can they make my heart swell with such love and pride? what a gift to be a mother and be able to look at these little people and know that i get to have a hand in their lives. it's precious. it's priceless. it's the biggest, best and most important gift i could ever be given. so many moments and days go by that i just rush though and try to get to the next moment, the next day. but look. look at what's in front of me.

i have to add that we took the three older kids to see Cars 2 tonight. it was so great to be with them and take them out for a special night. big kids only! no babies allowed! they loved it. they needed it. maybe we needed it too.

yesterday was sunday. i blogged yesterday about our return from vacation but what i failed to tell you was about the joy of that morning. we'd had family to come over the night before for a meet and greet. it was a ton of fun and the children went to bed way later than usual. they were exhausted. fell asleep immediately. it was awesome. anyway, sunday morning, i woke up at 7:20 to an empty bed and hearing echo screaming. it was a scream that i'd not heard from her since i've known her. i rushed upstairs thinking that i would pass heath. surely he was already up, or sleeping on the couch, or maybe even rushing up to go grab her as well. i didn't see him as i rushed up to get her. she was bunched in a corner, knees up under her body and she was screaming from fear. of what i don't know. what does a 15 month old fear? i'm sure she knows a thing or two. i didn't think as i jerked her up and into my arms. mommy is here. mommy is here. it's okay. i'm here. she stopped. looked at me. and there it was, that look. not the relieved look that i thought i would get. no, not this little trooper. she looked right at me as if to say, ummmmm, what's up? why are you up here? i suffer alone. one thing this independent little one needs to learn, is how to depend.

so, i took her and walked over to the glider that i wasn't able to use nearly enough with twins and then baby zane who was a spitter after nursing.....i chose to use a crappy chair with him so that we could toss it after he got old enough. don't ask. so i scooped her up, sat down in that glider, and i rocked. i rocked and i rocked. she laid her head on my chest and she fell fast asleep. i rocked her for 30 more minutes as she slept. it was that feeling that you get when you rock your infant. you aren't rocking for their benefit. they are asleep after-all. you are rocking for your own. i was rocking to soothe myself. and it was wonderful. i could touch her skin and her hair. i could watch her little back go up and down. it's okay. mommy is here. you have nothing to be afraid of, little one.

the rest of the family did not wake until after 9:30. i'm not kidding. my husband, the man i've never known to sleep much past 7 or 8 in the morning, slept until 9:50. God bless that man. he is so tired these days. oh, and as to the whereabouts of his hideout? he was sleeping up in zane's bed. this too is a rare occasion. i don't know what has gotten into us lately. okay, i'll admit, it's hard to tell little zane no when he grabs your face with both hands and says, "sweep wid me, i want to hold you". i'm a sucker for it every time. i guess daddy is too.

we scrambled for the late service at church. when we walked in the door, we realized that we had to register echo! she'd never been to church! it was her first day! heath took the other three and quickly found me and we signed her in together. i walked her in the room and let her feet touch the floor. i just knew this was a mistake. she wouldn't like this, i knew she wouldn't allow me to leave. i braced myself for her to cry and grab me. but she didn't even look back. she just walked right in and straight to the toys. as we walked away, i cried. and i cry now as i write this. it wasn't my typical, 'oh, i'm leaving my baby in the care of someone else' type cry. although i've done that too. this cry was different, i couldn't shake it. i sat down in service and fought back the tears. i didn't want heath to think i was the crazy mom. i couldn't explain it. and then we started to sing the first song...

'blessed be the name of the lord, blessed be thy name, blessed be the name of the lord, blessed be thy name. every blessing you pour out, i'll turn back to praise, when the darkness closes in lord, still i will say, blessed be the name of the lord, blessed be thy name,'

...this was a song that i struggled so much to sing just 6 years ago. a childless mother. desperately wanting a baby. just give me one, God. just give me at least one. i promise to turn it into a praise. i don't know why He gave in, but He did, 4 times over. blessed be His name.

it was my nephew's dedication yesterday. and we missed it. his dedication was held in rome, ga and we just knew we couldn't pull it together to attend. i'm sorry i missed it but in a tiny way, i feel like it was a dedication for echo as well. it was why i couldn't help but cry as i left her in her classroom. it was a cry of joy, reassurance, blessing, closure. i felt like i'd come full circle with God. her first sunday at church. here you go, Lord. you gave her to me, now i give her to You.

and God rocked me for a bit that morning too.....

4 is different than 3.

A week at the beach....it use to sound so blissful. so relaxing. so refreshing. when i said or thought the word beach, other words like, tanning, reading, sleeping, lounging, bikinis, spa trips....those words came to mind. not so much anymore. there are new words now, such as, life guard, drill sargent, overprotective mother, 30+ sunblock, nap times, lack of sleep, swim wear that children can't tear off of me as they claw their way up my body.....yep, times have changed.

this was our first year to go as a family of six. i really felt like adding one more wouldn't be too different. i mean, we already had 3 little ones, what's one more, right? throw her in the mix, let's move on! but no, one more makes a big difference. our car was filled to the gills with kid "stuff". so much so, that heath and i had to leave behind our most cherished piece of luggage for these types of trips. our pillows. yes, we didn't have room for them, actually, we didn't want to make room for them. we wanted to pack as lightly as possible. without even putting a single item in the car, we already were starting with four car seats! yep, four car seats. i've actually been asked by a girl at the starbucks drive-thru if i run a daycare service. she'd seen the inside of my car and assumed. really?....

as soon as we entered the condo, echo decided that she was going to become a full time walker. she walked and walked and walked. it was so funny as we unloaded all of our suitcases to have this fourth little head bobbing around with the others as she walked around with them. it was like she'd been holding it in all this time and it came out as soon as we got to the beach. she felt the freedom of vacation, i guess.

the week went by way too quickly. the kids loved the beach, heath and i were literally pulling children out of the waves, left and right. i seriously felt like i had 40 kids at some moments. my heart was pounding out there and all i could think was, "who trusted me with these kids?" do you ever feel like that? don't you ask yourself, "i have HOW MUCH responsibility now?!" it makes me laugh and cry at the same time.

there is still something that i'm dealing with right now. it's a new thing. i'm starting to see echo as my own. of course. i don't see any differences in her than my others most of the time. or, at least i don't think about it. every once in a while, we'll get asked some questions by curious people, "where did you get your daughter", "where is she from", "is she yours also", "are all of these children yours". one day at the pool, a little 6 year old boy came over and was asking a ton of questions about her. "why did she look different", "is she yours too", "where did you get her", "she has really chubby cheeks".....he was only 6, but i wanted to body slam him. terrible right? i should have seized the moment and told him all about my calling, my love for the Lord, my desires to help a child....but mother bear came out instead. i wanted to claw him. why was he looking at her differently? why was he asking so many questions? couldn't he leave well enough alone? i'm not sure why it bothered me so much, but it did. it cut.

there is a really big part of me that is so proud of her differences, her uniqueness, her own story. but there is another part, deep down in me that wants to protect her and my other children from these questions. i'm going to have to learn to deal with them. i signed up for this, i know that it was my choice. i will face it head on and i'm okay with it but i need to figure out what i need to say to each question. a standard answer? a new and different answer to each question? maybe every once in a while i'll look puzzled and say, what do you mean? they are all just alike. also, i'm starting to see that people ask questions about echo and there are times that they don't say hello to the other three tiny faces staring up at them. these are strangers and, of course, wouldn't understand my other three children and their desire to be seen and heard. but, it's something i've noticed.

there are a lot of things that i will learn from all of this. just like we learn from each of our children on a daily basis. don't you just love the lessons you learn from your children. it's funny, isn't it? the mirrors that they throw up? i've been blinded by those mirrors a times. reese is her mother's daughter and she is usually the first to throw up that mirror. scary.

so now that we are back from vacation, we are trying to pull it all together again. heath and i have sat down with our calendars and lined up this week's events. the days are numbered and we have so much to do. we certainly didn't have time for a beach trip. but we took the time. i would say that we have pictures to look back on the great memories, but, we were seriously so busy that we hardly took time for pictures. i guess we'll have to explain to our children one day that this vacation hit us up side the head like a 2X4 and we couldn't even see straight. it's the truth. the first of many crazy and wild adventures.

i need a vacation.

Somewhere in the Middle

a quick update for those who've been asking:
1-echo's enlarged spleen that had us so concerned in china....does not exist. our pediatrician could not feel a thing.
2-chest x-ray came out fine. she's had a really wet cough that we were concerned about but it seems to be viral, no pneumonia.
3-Six viles of blood came back as normal. i'm not sure what all they checked for, pretty much everything under the sun from what i understand. all normal.
4-infected ears have been flushed twice. they are doing well and we'll have them checked again on thursday. she will also have her tb test this week.
5-we still have the optometrist, dentist and dermatologist. echo is going to have nightmares of the "white people in white coats". poor baby


Today marks kind of a strange time period for us, as a family. it marks a very bitter sweet time period, for a lot of reasons. which one do i start with?

let me start with the fact that i have 5 year old twins now! that's right. those tiny little squirrel looking babies, weighing in at 4 lbs 10 oz and 4 lbs 11 oz are now 5 years old. their birthday was yesterday. i thought that when the big 5 came knocking on our door, i would be really sad. but i'm not. i'm actually really proud. and pleased. they are such sweet and fun little kids. it's cool to see their personalities shine through, now more than ever. i can look back at the way they were as tiny babies and see where it all began and see the direction that they are heading. now, the simple job of keeping them on track. oh, how funny that is. the next 5 years are going to go by so quickly. and the 5 after that? i don't even want to think about it....let's just say that, for now, i'm happy that my only concern is...well, my concerns are small compared to that of a mom with teens. but my time is coming.

the other bitter sweet part of this week is that it marks our 4 week anniversary with echo. 4 weeks! one month?! already? how can that be? she will be 15 months old soon. she is so much a part of our family that it's crazy. she is threaded into our hearts. etched into our minds. the completion of our family. there have been a couple of nights in the last few days that we've all been sitting around the dinner table and i think, "this is it, this just feels right". we are right where we are supposed to be in life. in the course that He is having us to go. it's a good feeling. in those moments, don't you think God looks down on us and is so happy that we are content? that our hearts are resting and happy? i think He loves it. i think He wants for our hearts to feel a lot of things, depending on where we are in life, in our journey, and i think He smiles in the moments that we find the simply pieces of happiness that He offers. i want to stay on His course forever....

over the weekend, we took the kids out to California Pizza Kitchen. they were awesome. all four of them. we are getting used to the looks, the questions, the comments, the smiles of some onlookers who are trying to figure out our situation. anyway, afterwards we took them for ice cream...okay, it was frozen yogurt, but don't tell the kids. we finished up and saw that it was about to start raining. just as we were leaving, literally standing in the door to leave, it started to pour rain. pour. thunder, lightening. i love a good rain. love it. so we stood there, with all four little ones, knowing full well this was not going to go smoothly. and all i could say was, "just GO". we all took off like bullets to get to our car, heath carrying echo, reese and maddox running right behind him and me holding zane's hand. before we could get halfway to the car, zane dropped my hand and hung his head in tears. was he hurt? was he scared? no....behind him i saw a trail of flip flops. he had run right out of them and couldn't leave them behind. all i could do was bust out laughing. we were getting completely drenched and heath and i were howling laughing. once we finally got all 6 of us in the car (we just piled in the back seat, all of us, just crammed in like a bunch of circus nuts.) and we just kept laughing. all of us. even echo was laughing. it was priceless. a summer family memory. we were all together to experience it. what a joy.

my other bitter sweetness is that we are about one month away from moving to london. we've already started the process of meeting up with friends for the "last time" or planning "last dinners". we've done final lists of what pieces of furniture we need, started to make plans for where the kids will attend school. (they were accepted into the school that i talked about, thank goodness!) it's strange to make all these plans, it's starting to feel more real. i'm excited. but i'm scared. i clearly remember quoting scripture from the book of ruth in our wedding. i truly meant the words, it's why i said them, but i had no clue that i would be following my husband to another country to live! and bringing our four children with us!

But Ruth replied, “Don’t urge me to leave you or to turn back
from you. Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay.
Your people will be my people and your God my God. ruth 1:16

i look at where we are right now and it seems that we are somewhere in the middle. a month from the time that we met our final family member and a month away from entering into a different world. for us, it will be a different world. an unknown world. the fear of the unknown....that's all it is, right. the unknown. once we get there and get settled, it won't be so big and scary anymore. don't get me wrong, i'm not scared in a bad way. i'm excited. i get the chance to view the world through the eyes of a child again, sort of. i get to see and do new things. with the people i love the very most. it's a great opportunity. we are going to take it for all it's worth. fear...be gone.

Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them,
for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you."
Deuteronomy 31:6

The Sparrow

heath flew out to london yesterday evening. he took reese and maddox with him. this time his trip does not include suits and ties, meetings or business deals. instead, he is there for one reason alone. an interview. and not for himself. for two barely 5 year old kids. it's silly, i know. it's a trip that we've scheduled to do a few times and had to cancel for other reasons but had to be done regardless. so, last night as they pulled out of the driveway, i stood with my not so new daughter and my very sad and not so understanding 3 year old. zane just couldn't understand why his older brother and sister were able to go on a plane, on a trip to london, without him. i tried to console him by loading him in the car and getting chicken nuggets and ice cream. it seemed to take his mind off of the situation jut a bit.

last night, i couldn't get over how quiet the house felt without the other two. i didn't hear "mommy, mommy, mom, mama, mommy" every other second. i had a chance to think a bit more for myself and not nearly as many questions to answer. it was weird to be in the house with two now and not four. i had time to hear zane. he has a lot to say, i realized tonight that he knows his letters, not all of them, but some. how did i miss that? how did i not know? i also realized how big his vocabulary has gotten. not freakishly big, it's normal for a three year old, but i've not noticed.

i was able to read to echo and zane last night. both of them in my lap. sharing the space nicely, almost lovingly. every once in a while, i would notice one trying to take up more space than was needed. both so territorial of their mother.

when it was finally bedtime, i realized that this was the night that i was going to try to put echo in her actual crib. not the pack in play that she's been use to for the last week. she would no longer be in the small space in the bathroom next to our bedroom. yes, it's true. i brought our daughter home from an orphanage and placed her in a guest bathroom. if you haven't already put your child in a closet or bathroom for sleeping purposes, i highly recommend it. i'm not one of those moms who does well sleeping in the same room with my child. i attempted the "same bedroom" sleeping arrangement the first night we brought her home and regretted it as soon as i got into bed. i can hear every movement, every breath, every whimper. it's too much for me. so, i resort to placing her in a small confined area. it works for me.

after this realization, i gathered all of her sleeping items, placed them in her crib, which is located in reese's room for a short period of time...it's like we are playing musical rooms around this house. zane and i showed her the bed, clearly much nicer than the pack n play. we sang to her and placed her in with all of the freshness a nice, clean bed could offer. and she screamed. she freaked out. i don't blame her. this is one new thing all over again. oh why didn't i think to put her in the crib in the first place...

later, i was able to tuck zane in quietly. don't you just love tucking your children in bed. i mean, the times that it's nice. half the time, there is complete chaos while we are trying to get them into bed. but on the nights when it's easy and enjoyable...don't you just love it? they are so sweet. so tired. i wanted to melt into zane. i wanted to lay with him and feel his warmth and softness. after one more potty trip and one more glass of water, he settled into bed.

as i sat downstairs, i was able to let my mind rest, my heart slowed and the calmness set in. ahhhhhhh, this is when mothers can punch their time card. check out....sort of. i always anticipate "i gotta go potty" shouted from above, either one of my 5 year olds coming out to say, "i love you" one more time and now a baby girl to cry out. but none of that happened this night.

as the night came to a close for me, i went up to do a final check. we do this every night. i'm sure many of you do too. i go up to look at them, cover them, smell them and heath always will find their lovie and place it in their hands. i've even sat at their side for awhile and just listened to them breathe. the pure miracle that each one of them is. i stood over zane for an extra long time. aren't children so beautiful when they sleep? they are so still. so peaceful. i pulled the covers up over him, found his lovie and put it in his hands and while i looked at him, it made me realize the loss of the other two. my two baby birds flying in a plane at this very moment. the house was too quiet. too empty. my chest was so heavy. and then i remembered the little one in the room down the hall. her fist night in a big, pepto bismal pink room. that's enough to scare anyone. so i ducked out of zane's room and walked what seemed like a really long way down a dark and lonely hallway. i passed maddox's room where reese and he are usually sleeping together. i stood in the doorway for a bit and then moved on to echo.

when i opened her door and saw her small little body, i had a thought pass over me. had i not checked on her the nights before? why did this feel like the first time? what was the difference here? i crept over to her bed and watched her chest move up and down. it dawned on me that heath has been the main one to check on her at night. i've been so tired, so sick, so mindless, that i've not been "into" the whole nighttime check for her. why? wasn't this the little one that i prayed for each night? wasn't i ripped to pieces knowing that she didn't have her mommy to tuck her in each night? to check on her and keep her warm. there were nights that i cried to be the one to say goodnight to her and tuck her in.

and then, without thinking anymore, i reached for her soft pink blanket. and i covered her. i covered her with love, with prayer, with thanksgiving. i'm your mommy. i get to tuck you in to bed tonight. i am able to have the final check. you are safe with me. i found her lovie and put it in her little hands.

"even the sparrow has found a home, and the swallow a nest for herself,
where she may have her young - a place near your alter, O Lord Almighty,
my King and my God." -psalm 84:3

One Week Already?

there are several reasons why i have not updated the blog this week. i can't even begin to explain the emotions i've been through from the moment our flight ended until now. it's been exactly one week since we brought echo home. exactly one week since we reunited with our our children and our family and friends....one week. so why does it feel like such a haze? shouldn't i be feeling normal at this point? why is my head so cloudy? maybe it's the antibiotic i'm on from the sinus infection i got over the last week, maybe it's the jet lag, maybe is keeping up with 8 legs moving around me, 8 hands reaching for me, 8 eyes watching me, begging for my attention. maybe it's the fact that there is so much to take in that i can't focus on one thing right now. it's dizzying.

let me try to back up. the flight home from tokyo was great, echo took a nap, ate dinner, played and went to bed. she slept for 8 hours. awesome. luckily, with all heath's frequent flyer miles, we had first class so the seat laid all the way back and i was able to sleep a bit also. at one point, echo was literally wrapped around my head. it was hysterical. love that crazy little girl. we landed, went through customs in record timing and met up with the best crowd of friends and family that we could have asked for. we were greeted with smiles, hugs, gifts, congrats, welcome home signs. one friend even brought us sweet tea and a latte. yep, all we could have asked for! afterwards our family came to our house and we all had burritos. ahhhhhh, Willy's, how i love thee, let me count the ways....

monday, heath stayed home from work, we went and did passport stuff for echo. we have to get her passport expedited. for those of you who don't know, we are moving to london in the very near future. heath has an office over there and we've found a flat. we were waiting to get our girl and then we could finalize the move. it's a crazy life right now. this was the first day out with all four of the kids and it really seemed pretty normal. normal. don't make me laugh.

tuesday, the kids had a doctor's appointment. 5 year check up and shots with reese and maddox, 3 year check up and shots for zane, ear check for echo. echo's ears are completely blocked with wax so they had to do a flush. let me tell you, there was a lot of crying that day between the 5 of us. mainly echo and me. having to hold each one down as they were shot, scraped, poked and flushed...mentally, physically, emotionally exhausting. what a way to start my first day back without heath, right. in with a bang!

wednesday is when i couldn't even swallow because my throat hurt so bad. i forget what all happened that day. pain.

thursday i went to the doctor for myself to learn that i had a sinus infection and then took echo back for a second check up at her pediatrician's. we were able to meet up with the pediatrician that has helped us all along. she is a family friend through the wilson's and has known them for years. she has treated me like family all the way through this. she was the one we emailed and called until 2 am the night we received echo's file back in january. it was really amazing to see her face as she entered the room and saw echo face to face. our eyes welled up with tears. she had helped us make one of the biggest decisions of our lives. my gratitude is endless for this doctor, this friend.

friday....what was friday? i had a dear friend come to visit, my children stayed in their pajamas all day, we had heath's brother and family over that evening for a bit and then we crashed. hard. actually, every night we've crashed hard. really hard.

even as i type now, i'm just brain dead. and my head still aches. i can't pull it together and get myself out of this sinus pressure.


many of you have asked if it's more difficult now with four, or having echo home, or having her adjust....the answer is yes and no. it was already really busy and very chaotic at times, now i just have an extra little one in the mix. another little mouth to feed, another little one to hold and kiss boo boos away. i have another set of schedules to follow, another child who naps, diapers to change, another child to chase. difficult? yes and no. and she has adjusted beautifully, effortlessly, amazingly. she was meant to be in a family our size. she adores her siblings, laughs at them, with them, for them, to them. they adore her too. it was all meant to be this way. i think i'm surprised at how uneventful it's all been. she just slid right into our family. under the radar almost. it's weird. hard to explain.

for those of you who've seen us together, you know. it's nothing amazing to see, it's normal. she does her thing and we do ours. she is a regular little part of our family. after only a week of being here in the states. i love it.

to our friends and family who have helped to support us, feed us, sent gifts, sent love, sent prayers, made phone calls, emails, letters, cards....to those of you who wanted to call or write or email but wanted to give us space...to kerri and mike who organized dinners and gave up your saturday to host a welcome home party, to the people who've written that i don't even know who you are and to the random lady at Yogli Mogli, when i thought you were giving me a look of pitty with my four children. i thought you saw me as a haggard mom. i thought you were going to say something cross to me, when really all you wanted to say was "you have a very beautiful family, God bless you"......thank you. thank you for pulling me through this week. it's been as easy as it's been because of you. i mean that. i really do. you carried me through this week. you allowed me to be less stressed and more sane. thank you.

we are home.

In Tokyo... Reflecting

So I sit here in the same Delta SkyClub where I pondered our new life 14 days ago. Things are quite a bit different. Before, there was anticipation. Now, there is realization. Reality has definitely set in that we have another child. Perhaps it was the 3.5 hour flight to Tokyo where Echo was passed back and forth between us countless times? She was restless! I don't blame her, a 5 am wake time is not easy. Perhaps it is because Mistye just changed a diaper. Perhaps it is because Echo is swiping at my hands and ripping my laptop onto the floor as I try to type this. afdencuneoujjjjjjjjjjjjd;jsdfljaf;oiend. That was Echo. Perhaps it's because I thought about this moment the last time I was in the Delta lounge... what would it feel like to be one flight from home instead of one flight from our little girl?

It feels good. Reality is great. I am happy. We are happy. Echo is happy. I suspect Reese, Maddox and Zane will be very happy to see us. Our friends, our family and others who have followed this journey are happy for us. Happy is good. Now, if we can just keep Echo subdued for another 13 hours on the flight home, we'll all be happy.

See you guys soon.

The Three Ring Binder

this will be my last post before we fly out in the morning. and then i may post a few more once we get to the states with echo. as if i'll have the time.

let me say that all day today i've been singing, 'glory, glory hallelujah' and Neil Diamond's, 'coming to america'. go ahead, sing either one, they are bound to make you happy. catchy aren't they? fitting.

we drove to hong kong today. what we thought was going to take 2 hours took over 3. traffic and going through customs took up some time. we'd held echo off on her second nap so that she would snooze in the van. it worked like a charm. as soon as we got in the van, i hog tied her and she was out. i'm a seasoned mom. i know these tricks.

as she slept, i was able to look out the window and reflect on the last two weeks. the last few months, the last year. i thought back to a three ring binder that i have in my office with all the paperwork in it. paperwork on echo that started over a year ago. that three ring binder holds more information than i even know what to do with. it's overwhelming. but we've gotten through it all. we did it. sure, there is a few more things to finish up once we get back to the states, but overall, it's done. that big huge 3 ring binder. it held so many hopes and promises, fear, uncertainty, at times, it gathered some tears. but now we are done with it. don't worry, it's not like i'm going to burn it. no, it will probably go along with the over-stuffed 3 ring binder that i have for reese and maddox and all the doctor visits we had to go through to conceive them. 3 years worth of infertitilty. as much as i hated those binders, they are reminders of the fight that we went through to get to the family that we have. i love those binders.

i couldn't help but look down at echo as she slept and think, 'look, here is my 3 ring binder. it's now a baby girl.' to have her sleeping on my chest for 2 hours was quite an experience. it was well worth the fight. aren't all children? they are so worth it. no matter what we go through to get them, how hard we fight to keep them, or tough it is to raise them. they are worth it. so worth it. (i'm going to have to remind myself of this in the next few weeks when i'm trying to wrangle my four hoodlums together.)

as i was holding echo, i also had the thought of how much i can't wait to get back to reese, maddox and zane. the loves of my life. i thought about the love that i have for them and suddenly got really scared, 'oh my gosh, can i really love echo as much as i love them? this little new one who is coming into our home? it's all going to be so different.' (those selfish thoughts creep in still) all i could do was pray. God help me to love this one as much as You love her. help me to love her the way You intended for her to be loved. and just like that, i knew He would have that one covered. whew.

our flight lands Saturday, June 11. heath's birthday. what a gift, right?! and, to top it all off, we laughed at the fact that he will get to celebrate his birthday for about 36 hours because of time changes and flight schedules. how about that. the birthday that just won't stop!

several of you have asked what you can be praying for specifically. i appreciate that more than you know. and i know that some of you haven't even asked because you are prayer warriors and you just knock it out without even be asked. this is what's gotten us through. thank you. i don't have anything specific though. i don't even know what to pray for. sure, save travels, uneventful flight, echo to sleep for 19 solid hours....i could pray for all that but i believe God has that already taken care of. i feel like we are in his great big hands. i really do. and i know that when we don't know what to pray for, the holy spirit prays for us. it's somewhere in the bible. those of you who know me, know that i'm a terrible bible quoter. sorry i don't know the verse. but it's in there. this doesn't mean that i don't want any of you to pray, please, by all means, go for it! i really do want to get home safely.

the one prayer that i couldn't help but pray today as i was talking to God in the van is that i will continue to follow, i will continue to listen, even through all the daily ramblings of four children. i couldn't help but ask for some time to get used to this newest member. i told Him i will follow, give me time, prepare my heart and come back to me when You have me ready. and that's all we really can do, is listen and wait.

Who Wrote This?

it's our last night in guangzhou and then we drive by van to hong kong tomorrow. we'll stay there for one night and catch a flight back to the states. today we had the long awaited consolate appointment. i have to admit, i got a little teary when we all stood and took our oath. it was really cool. she is ours. all ours.

heath and i decided to jot down a few of our favorite things/moments from the last two weeks. it's been quite a journey.
.........
After a few seconds of silence, I decided to take over (you should be able to tell by the use of proper capital letters). Anyway, we have funny moments, but they won't be that funny to you guys. We have frustrating moments, but they don't seem as frustrating looking back. We have issues with the food here, but who are we to complain.

The fact is, this journey has been magical. We have been blessed with another sweet daughter. How can you top that right? BUT... we are ready to get home. So, on that note, here are the top 10 things we're looking forward to when we get home. Number...

10. Having a Willy's burrito and queso
9. Our Tempurpedic mattress (the mattress here is so hard that I find myself flexing by butt muscles if I lay on my back. seriously, I have to sleep on my side)
8. Ice cold drinks. Luke warm Coke just doesn't taste like Coke.
7. Not having to do the conversion from dollars to yuan. Even though I know 100 yuan is only $15, it still freaks me out spending a hundred of anything.
6. From Mistye... not having my hair look like a poofball from the humidity. i can only slick my hair back for so many days and then it's just wrong. although, the headbands have been so tight, it could actually be used at botox.
5. American cable TV. We've watched reruns of Dirty Jobs, the Dog Whisperer and every other Discovery Channel and NatGeo show. I did get to see the French Open finals with Chinese commentators. Mistye laughed because I turned up the volume.
4. Getting on the same timezone as friends and family.
3. Not risking our lives by playing frogger everytime we cross the street. Pedestrians definitely do not have the right of way.
2. Seeing Reese, Maddox and Zane in person instead of Skype. I'm nervous that we might squeeze the life out of them.
1. Introducing sweet Echo to our friends and family.

i'll finish up this blog. yep, no more capitals. guess who has the computer? you know that heath and i have either a) become so close that we are now thinking as one person therefore we blog simultaneously or b) spent so long in our hotel room and in a foreign country together that we can't think clearly and have to rely on one another to finish our thoughts. either way, we've been joined at the hip for two solid weeks. i'm a quality time girl, so i've truly loved every second but heath may fling himself out the 16th floor window at any given minute.

rainbows, butterflies and pink sugar coated gum drops

it's 2:30 am over here and i'm having a tough time sleeping. i'm not sure why, my thoughts are busy and my stomach is sour. i'm not sure if those two are related in any way but that's what's going on. my mind keeps going back to dinner earlier when several of us where talking about all the other blogs that we've followed or come across. some of us have our own blogs now, some don't. i'm the first to admit that i love a good blog, especially one that has to do with adoption. i've been a blog stalker before too. i become very invested in some and feel like they are family. it's silly, i know, but i've done it.

one of the comments struck me as being so true, blogs are sometimes tough to read because the writer gets to paint a really pretty picture, the writer gets to portray a life that is all about rainbows, butterflies and pink sugar coated gum drops. it's true isn't it? i get to tell you all about the great things that happen here and I can choose to leave out any negative. but the truth is, i've been sad, angry, scared, lonely, sickly, foul....i've been all of those and more but i've chosen to let you in on the good stuff, not the bad.

i want to look back on this experience and remember all of the best parts, all the good stuff because really it's all been good for the most part.

here is another topic that strikes me as a tough one. some people feel called to do all sorts of things. like adopt. and others don't. some feel called to go into the mission field, some don't. some have positions in the church and most of us don't. some people recycle. you get the idea. we are sometimes made to feel that we are not doing "really great things" if we don't do any or all of these things. and that's a really bad lie. each one of us have a potential to do really great things each day. they can be really little things to us but we have no idea the impact that it can have on an individual. my point is this, whatever it is that you do during your day, try to do it as joyfully as you can. and i know this is easier said than done. ask any one of my family members if i'm joyful all the time....wrong! i'm not always the best i can be but i try to stay on track as best as i can. some days are better than others....

i can't go without saying that i believe in a Creator. i believe that this Creator made me in the image of Him. i believe that He loves me madly and powerfully. so madly and powerfully that He sent down His own son to live and die in my place so that i could be saved. i really believe that. so, if i feel called to adopt, called to go into the mission field or called to just love others, no matter how big or how small, it's because He loved me first. the fact that He sacraficed His own son for me, when i couldn't even prick my own child's finger for another person, gives me the motivation that i need to be the best that He created me to be.

but don't let this fool you. i still get angry, and lonely. i fear the worst sometimes, i say and think things that are all sorts of wrong. my life is not rainbows, butterflies and pink sugar coated gum drops. it's not. but i choose to focus on the best parts and i choose to continue to listen when i feel called to do something for the One who did everything for me.

"for God so loved the world that He gave His only son, that whoever believes in Him will not die, but have eternal life." john 3:16

i left my bible at home....yea, i'm still kicking myself for that one but the verse above is one that i've known since childhood. and it's really the best one of all...even though i also love "jesus cried" from the bible. it reminds me of how real he really was. is.

okay, back to my fitful sleeping. for those of you who know me, i'm writing this on the floor of my hotel room. yep, in the pitch black dark. yes, i'm afraid of germs and bugs at this moment, not because it's a bad hotel room but because i'm always afraid of germs and bugs. but i really felt like i needed to get this blog out. i've purged. word vomit. now i feel better.

To Our Monkeys at Home

Reese, Maddox and Zane,
we were just able to skype with you and are now smiling from ear to ear. you three are the happiest little monkeys we know! thank you for being so cool and understanding throughout this process. for a couple of 5 year olds and a 3 year old, you are amazing. thank you for being so interested in echo. it was the first thing you asked about when we saw you tonight. i love how you already express so much interest in her. thank you for having an open heart. if it weren't for our love for you and the way that you love us, we may never have been fully open to echo.

we are going to be home soon. i know you've had a great time with camilla and grandma and granddaddy. i'm sure you've had some really fun adventures without us. i'm happy that you guys are so happy. it reminds me once again that we are doing the right thing for our family.

i can't wait to see you, hug you and kiss you. i can't wait to play with you and hold you and tuck you into bed. life will be back to normal before you know it and i'll be running around like the crazy mom you've always known. i'll be yelling and putting you in time out just like old times! i'll probably be even more crazy because now we'll have a toddler in our home.

you guys are awesome. i love you. we love you. get ready for our arrival. get ready for "back to normal". muhahaahahah. yes, back to normal. our new normal. get ready!

Bull in a China Shop

yes, that's our girl. would you expect anything different? like i talked about yesterday, she is so busy. we hog tie her, we strap her in, we try to keep her at bay but she can't be contained. this little girl needs an outlet. i'm looking forward to getting her home to see if our three other children will wear her down. she plays hard, she eats hard, she sleeps hard. that's our girl. our little bull in this big ole china shop. we can't help but laugh about it. i love that she feels free enough to express herself but oh my.....

today we went to the president's memorial. it was interesting to hear about chinese history and walk around with our travel guide. we then went and did a little more shopping. echo napped through most of this which was really nice. it gave us a chance to walk around and enjoy some things.

we've practiced a lot more on the walking. echo is determined to walk. determined. she has even tried to run a couple of times. isn't there a rule about running before you walk?! if there is not, there should be. we have to keep a close eye on her because she will stand up on her own and just GO! bull...china...shop....

we took her today across the street to a really nice mall. it was bright, beautiful, air conditioned.....she loved it. she was still and silent. she loved all the lights, all the bright colors, the cashiers talking to her. she loved it all. it was the calmest and quietest she's been. she wanted to see it all. take it all in at once. heath found a couple of really cute dresses for her and she tried them on. she really enjoyed trying clothes on. it was too funny. we just laughed at how much she enjoyed being the center of attention. oh boy! has no one told her about our other three children back home? haahah. she is so NOT an only child! but right now she thinks she is!

we had dinner with a big group of families tonight. we all went to an irish pub that serves more "americanized" food. there was a mom who had her 9 month old. she'd waited 5 years for her healthy baby girl. there was fin, echo's friend, who've we've been sight seeing with this week and become good friends with, there was the couple from knoxville with their son and then the couple from wisconsin who adopted their 5 year old little girl. all the stories are different. all are the same. it was a great night together. the couple from knoxville leave tomorrow and we almost cried. we laughed because we really don't know one another but we are forever tied together. we will forever have a bond. we are a part of one another's stories. it's really interesting how total strangers can feel such a sweet connection. maybe we should stretch ourselves out of our comfort zones more often so that we can humble ourselves to a place where we can connect with others. just a thought.

tomorrow we have our long awaited consulate appointment! we get sworn in and it's a really big deal. i can't wait! after that, we are pretty much done. then it's a matter of getting this little one on a plane and back to the states! we are going to take our little bull out of china.

Deep Thoughts by Mistye Wilson...

we've had echo for one week and one day. how is that possible? have you ever looked at your child and realized that you don't remember life without them? i think about my life at home with my three children and all the daily things that i do....and then i think about my time here in china with echo...and all the daily things we do with her each day. and i think. how is this possible? why do i feel like i'm living a double life? how can i feel this level of happiness? it's like an alternate universe. it's difficult to explain in words. i can't even get it clear in my head so how could i begin to get it right in words.

we're starting to see echo's true personality come out more and more each day. some good and some funny and some.....well, just like all our other children, there will be some learning lessons to teach her along the way. her personality is not at all what i expected, yet everything i could have hoped for. she's headstrong, she's funny, she's crazy at times and she's a bull when she wants to be. she's aggressive. she's silly. she's determined. she knows how to throw a really good temper tantrum. really good. she's super happy unless two things occur - hunger or lack of sleep. and then she becomes a super freak.

i've started to feel comfortable telling her "no" when she acts up or does something that she is not supposed to do. the look on her face is priceless. she hears the word no and looks up like, 'are you actually talking to me?' it's so funny. i know she knows what it means because like any other 14 month old, she tries to test us and see if we really meant it. once she realizes that i tell her 'no' again and again for the same thing, she usually stops. it might sound cruel that i would already begin to tell her no after only a short time but there are some things that are dangerous. standing in her stroller, biting on electical chords, crawling head first off the bed....yes, she has tried all of these. so i have to tell her no. it's my job as a mother to protect her. for those of you who will see me with her in the next month or so, be ready. she is my daughter. don't be shocked when i treat her like all the rest of my little ones.

here is a thought that i had today as i looked in her eyes....remember those deep dark eyes i dreamed about. i get to look into them any time i want. any time. i get to see her. really see her. she's right here with me. and she always will be. so, here is my thought....how is it possible that my daughter was born to another woman on the other side of the world, yet, she's mine. she is my daughter. my girl. if you could see her with us, you would know. she's is ours. it's as if she were created by us, just like our biological children back home. but then i realize the truth. she was not created by us, obviously. she was created for us. and this IS just like our biological children. they were all created for our family. we are a unit.

now, to get her home and to meet her siblings. we have just a few more days and then we begin our journey home. i'm so ready. i'm so ready to see my three other monkeys, to kiss them, to hold them, to breath in their wonderfulness. being with echo and falling more and more in love with her each day makes me miss them more and more. i'm so ready.

and then the next phase will begin. the "new" family. it's like when you bring home an infant for the first time. you are all trying to figure one another out. how do the roles change? zane is now a big brother. my baby boy. a big brother. i can't imagine it. reese and maddox will become even older than they were before. it makes my heart hurt right now to think about it but i know it will all fall into place. one day we will not know life without our family of 6. it will always be the way that it's always been....

my brain hurts. i'm going to bed.

Our Medical Visit

the morning started off just great. we got up around 7:30 and gave echo her bottle. she hammered it. then we made a surprise phone call to my parents who are keeping the kids this weekend. we were able to talk to all three briefly. just to hear their voices made my heart feel much better. sometimes the pain of missing them gets to the point that it is literally painful in my heart. seriously, like my heart aches. so to hear each of their little voices and know that they are having a great time makes me feel so much better. i can't wait to see them again and smooch on their faces!

today we went to the island. what island? i'm not sure. it's not far from here and it is where the adoptive families use to stay, the white swan hotel is located on this island. anyway, we had our doctor's visit there on the island. i've been praying for no "surprises" from echo, even though I know that there may be more things involved than just her hemangioma. so we went in and had her checked, the nurse said she was strong and my first thought was, 'no joke, sister, you should try to carry this one around while she is turning in 5 million directions to take in all the scenery'! echo really is strong. if i'd known her brute strength earlier, i might not have worried about her well-being so much there in the orphanage. let me tell you, this girl can hold her own. i love it. so after the nurse checked her ears, throat and maybe her eyes...i don't know, it was a really quick check....the dr. came in to check her. he measured the place on her arm and pressed around on it. he spoke very lovingly to her. i was really pleased with this dr. he was super sweet and really seemed to care. he was very good to her. then he asked for us to take off her shoes (her NEW chinese squeeky shoes! they are so so cute!) and her diaper. she layed pretty still while he poked around on her belly and then i heard him make a 'hmmm' sound....uh, what was that? was that a hmmm sound that i heard from your throat? do you know that i'm here!? do you know that i don't want any surprises? do you know that i'm her mother? please don't 'hmmmm' in front of me unless you are ready to spill it mister! so then he wrote something down. don't you hate it when doctors do that, they make a noise and then they write something down......so, anyway, he told us that she seems to have an enlarged spleen. what that is or what that means, he did not explain or go into detail. all i could think was, oh no, this is a surprise!!!!! no surprises, no surprises, no surprises! the doctor said that we could have it checked out more once we got to the states. really....thanks. i will say, that he was a really nice doctor and i think if there had been any concern, he would have said so. i'm not trying to make it sound like he didn't do a good job, because he did. he really did. i just wanted more. or less. i wanted less of the surprise. make sense?

he then weighed and measured her. 25.4 lbs and i forget how long he said she was. i was so busy thinking about "enlarged spleens" that I couldn't quite focus. i whispered to heath afterwards that we'd have to google it when we got back to the hotel. his quick response was, no we don't. let's just wait, she's fine. you know, it's the moments when i'm about to blow up that heath just has a way of calming me. just putting all back in place. the whole world could be in complete chaos, and i wouldn't know it because he keeps me centered. God certainly knew what He was doing when he created that man. He made him just for me. i have no doubt.

enough of the mush. so then we went back to the hotel. heath took echo back to our room to nap, she'd fallen asleep in our "hog tying" devise, aka the baby carrier. when ever she needs to nap and we are out and about, i strap her in, she fights it until she can fight no more and then she falls asleep. it's awesome. i then went to a room with rebecca and another adoptive mom to do some paperwork. i came back about an hour later and echo was still passed out asleep on heath. love it.

we had a late lunch at subway, yes, we were not quite so adventurous with food this afternoon. sometimes you just have to go with what you know. we tried a second nap for echo but she was not having it. she was actually pretty tough today for a few hours. her favorite thing to do right now is practice her walking so we did a lot of that today to keep happy and keep her busy. she loves going back and forth from the two of us. she laughs so hard. it's intoxicating. her laugh. her smile.

tonight we met up with some new friends who we met from knoxville. small world, right?! once we were seated, we saw the other couple that we'd mentioned before, the little people couple and their new daughter. we asked them to sit with us and we all just had a great dinner of stories and fun. it was so great to enjoy some time togeher and the kids seemed to enjoy it also.

so here we are winding down after another day in china. as much as i don't want to think about what the doctor said, it still creeps back into my thoughts. sneaks in when i least expect it. my heart starts to beat a little quicker and my breath gets a little short. enlarged spleen. it sounds so ugly. spleen. what a gross word, even a healthy spleen still sounds gross. this is something in her body that i can't see. it's something that i don't understand. i keep thinking the worst, spleens can rupture, right?! and then i just talk myself down. whisper up a little prayer and wait to feel the peace. i'll wait to feel the peace. it's there, i just have to reach out and take it for my own.

okay, there is a little girl over here who wants to practice her walking skills. i'm going to go be her mommy.

Shopping, Cruise and The Question

Echo slept until 8am this morning. We had to wake her up. Incredible. We had a quick breakfast and then headed out shopping... again. I thought we were going to an outside market, but it was a pretty basic mall. Mistye found a few things. It was hot. Even indoors.

We came back and I redeemed my lunch mistake yesterday by bringing back some delicious pizza. It was fantastic. Echo took a nap, Mistye took a nap and I started working on today's blog entry. We had to be ready by 5:40 to go on the Pearl River Cruise.

The cruise was interesting. It was a buffet cruise and I love buffets. I hope you sense my sarcasm. Anyway, the food wasn't that bad. The cruise was, you guessed it, hot again but what can you do. We saw cool buildings up and down the river, took several pictures. It was fun. We are back down and unwinding. Worn out, but it was nice to have a busy day to help pass the time. Tomorrow is Monday already, so we're more than halfway home.

Echo was pretty good today, but man she is a busy child. Baby "boot camp" as Mistye calls it will go into effect as soon as we are back in the states. Honestly, she is fantastic.

Changing the subject...

Since we announced our intent to adopt over a year ago, a single question has been posed over and over. And now that we are in China, the same question has surfaced during every converation. There are several versions of the question, but it basically boils down to one word - WHY? Why did you guys decide to adopt?

I've heard Mistye answer this question many times and I enjoy hearing her describe an incredible journey of heartache, yearning, and faith. It's beautiful to see the emotion and hear her passion as she describes the experience. Please get her to tell you the story some time. Me on the other hand... I botch the answer every time. It's not that I don't know the story. Heck, I lived it with her. But for me, it was less of a journey. It was simply a decision. Were we going to adopt or not? The answer was a resouding yes. But why?

My time here in China has helped me better answer the question. As I mentioned earlier, I now find myself asking this question to the couples that we meet. Why would a couple from Oklahoma adopt seven children when they already have three? Why would a couple from Vancouver adopt a Vietenamese girl and then come to China two years later for another little girl. Why would a little people couple from Wisconsin adopt a 5 year old little person Chinese girl? Why would a couple from Alabama with two healthy boys adopt a little girl? Why? The stories are all very different, but there is common thread. And that commonality is the real answer to the why question.

Back to our story. Why would Mistye and I with three wonderful, healthy and happy children decide to expand our family through adoption and risk a shock to family dynamics? Why would we move outside of our comfort zone and commit to adopting a child with special needs? Why, when our youngest is literally a few days away from shedding the nighttime pullups, would we voluntarily add a baby who needs frequent diaper changes? You laugh, but that conversation has come up several times. WHY?

Well, the answer to the question is quite simple in retrospect. In every story, including ours, there is a point where they all converge. Leading up to this point, the stories are interesting, different, neat, inspiring, you name it. But, it's uncanny how they all end up in the same place. I call it the "God Thing" moment. Every story has that moment stamped on it. So, for me, the answer is simply this. God spoke, we listened and now we're here... it's a God thing.

A Normal Day

First things first, I posted a few new pictures on the right. If it didn't take several minutes to upload each picture through the VPN, I'd upload all of them. I can't complain though... I'm just glad we can access and update the Blog in China. A slow VPN is better than none at all. Oh yeah, it's Heath.

It was a different day in Guangzhou. After yesterday's trip and emotions at the orphanage, today was bound to be different. This will sound strange, but it was a fairly normal day. Mistye and I actually made it until 10pm last night instead of passing out at 8:30. Skyped with Reese, Maddox and Zane also. Fantastic to see their faces and talk to them. We miss them terriby, but it sounds like they are having a great time. Echo slept through the night again. Man, she is a great sleeper! We got really lucky. We woke up at a normal time, took our time getting ready and enjoyed a relaxing breakfast. Small world - we met a couple from Knoxville, TN who adopted a little boy.

We decided to visit a "museum" today in hopes of finding a piece of local art to take home. I was looking for a cool carved piece of bone or jade or something that looked Chinese, but modern. Quite a tall task considering Chinese porcelin is everywhere and very ornate. Beautiful stuff, but not our style. The museum, which was previously a single family residence, was incredible. You can't even imagine the workmanship and detail. Carved wood, ivory, bone, oil paintings, watercolor paintings, carved rice (yes, a single piece of rice), carved everything. The stuff blew my mind. Seriously, it's hard for me to believe that people can create such beautiful works of art. Mistye and I bought an ink stamp for Echo with both her English and Chinese name on it. Watching the guy hand carve the letters was amazing. By the way, he said the English letters were the most difficult. Go figure? We also bought an authentic Chinese baby doll. Unbelievable stuff everywhere. Echo was a champ the whole time. She napped in the stroller for about an hour. Nice!

Mistye had traditional Chinese tea and we learned quite a bit about the proper way to prepare and enjoy tea. Who knew? We walked out with green tea, flower tea and a new tea cup. It really helps having Rebecca with us because a) she translates and b) she explains everything and is very knowledgeable. And, she loves air conditioning as much as we do and she seeks it out. She orders us ice cold Cokes everywhere we go. If those are the only Chinese words I learn, it will be worth it. Warm Cokes... not so good.

From there, we headed to another store that was packed with bigger pieces of art, pottery, etc. Mistye found a great jade necklace that signifies mother and daughter. We also found a beautiful vase that is bright red. It's wood, but then painted with 100+ coats of laquer and then carved. Again, the craftsmanship is amazing. The dollar goes a long way here thankfully. There were pieces in there from "masters" that would have bankrupted us, so I held on to Echo extra tight. She's in sensory overload right now, so she wants to touch everything. It was a fun morning and early afternoon. Not quite like going shopping at Old Navy, but it was kind of nice to have a normal shopping day.

Now to lunch. We found an Irish pub behind the hotel and hit the jackpot! We had nachos, hummus, tomato soup and tomato/mozzarella salad. We've had bad experiences with burgers thus far, so we've decided they just aren't in the cards this trip. Last night, I tried to surprise Mistye with a burger, fries and fruit salad -- we only at the fries. The fruit was soaked, and by soaked I mean coated, with mayonaisse. I don't get it. Anyway, the Irish pub is a bit closer to food normalcy. I'm dying for a burrito though.

We came back, put Echo down for a couple hours and relaxed. I know I've said already, but Echo is a great sleeper. Echo woke up and I played with her for a while. She is very, very close to walking. I worked with here for about 10 minutes and she loved taking 4-5 steps and then falling into my arms. We have it on video.

Another family flew into Guangzhou tonight and we met them for dinner. They have two boys in tow - 5.5 and 3.5 years old. An impressive feat to travel with the whole family. They adopted a little girl who is 16 months old. She is super cute. Another small world moment, the couple (Ashley and Brian) went to Samford University and know Andrew Dye well (Clay's younger brother). Clay, my roomate in college, Clay who I saw three weeks ago with his family. Incredible.

Anyway, we're winding down now. Almost like winding down in Marietta. Of course, we are not in Marietta. We're in Guangzhou, China with our new baby girl Echo who has only known us for 5 days. I must say though, for five days, things feel pretty normal. I can see in Echo's eyes that she loves us already. She laughs, smiles and reaches out for us. She also tests us and disobeys. Yep, things are getting more normal by the minute.